Page 53 of The Devil's Tattoo

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Shesighed. “Yeah.”

“Did hetellyou?”

“Not in so many words, but we’re going to hang out more. See whathappens.”

“That’s good,right?”

“I suppose,” she said soundingdefeated.

“It’s a step in the right direction,” Icountered.

“Yeah, but it’s still in the friend zone. Safe,youknow?”

I sank down in the seat and wondered if it would be better if I remained back in the friend zonewithWill.

Then I remembered how I had struggledagainstit.

Then I remembered my reaction to getting what I had tried to bury away inside my brokenshell.

When I couldn’t avoid speaking to him anymore, how would I play it? Apologize and clamp down the ice wallsagain.

“Chris is shy,” I said, squashing my thoughts down into the pit of my stomach. “He’s a good guy and probably doesn’t want to stuffthingsup.”

Simone’s only response was to glance at me with afrown.

“When I talked with him, he said he didn’t know what to do. He just doesn’t know what to say, so maybe it’s a good thing.Hangingout.”

“Yeah,” she replied with a sigh. “The problem is I’m just so damnimpatient.”

It was like a lightbulb flashed over my head when I heard those words. Maybe that was part of my problem. I’d crushed on Will for months, but I didn’t really know him that well outside of the band. It had only been three weeks. Three weeks in close proximity, but that was such a short amount of time, and for someone like me, maybe it was too fast to jump into any kind of relationship above friends. Maybe that was what had triggered myreaction.

Or maybe life had just broken me beyond repair. Maybe I wasn’t meant to fall in love ever again. Maybe thiswasit.

* * *

That night,we had another free one, so I hid in the hotel room and ordered room service like the cowardIwas.

I was still rooming with Dee and was thankful he was the only one who saw me like this. Behind closed doors, I had come apart. I couldn’t help thinking I was selfish for relying on him so much. Iwasselfish. As I’d thought that morning, I had to make it up to him, but I had noideahow.

I could think of worse things than rooming with Dee. Like a hole in the head. That was worse. Sharing with him wasn’t bad—he was my best friend after all, so it wasn’t weird in the slightest. It didn’t matter that I wore boy short underwear and a tank top to bed. He’d seen it all before, and we were firmly in the friend zone. In fact, we were concretedthere.

The only thing that did bother me was he flung his dirty clothes everywhere and left his damp towel on the floor. If it weren’t for hotel housekeeping on the nights we stayed more than once, I’d go starkravingmad.

It was around eleven when Dee came back to the room. He took one look at me and lay down beside my rumpled form onthebed.

“The guys wanna know if you’re okay,”hesaid.

I shrugged. “Idon’tknow.”

“C’mere,” he mumbled, pulling me intoahug.

We lay like that for a while in silence until I had to say something. “I’msorry.”

“Whatfor?”

“I keep doing thistoyou.”

“Doing what?” He soundedconfused.