Page 39 of The Fire Walker
“How long do youneed…”
“A month.” I guess if I needed more, then I could just rentanother.
“Where will you be returning thevehicle?”
Shit. Didn’t know that, either. Some great plan thiswas.
The clerk preempted my answer. “That’s fine. I can just put it in as our office here in LA, and if you need to change it, just give us a call.” She smiled at me in a way that was more than customerfriendly.
“Sure. Whatever.” As long as the end of this conversation ended with car keys in my hand, I didn’tcare.
The longer I stood there and the longer this obviously nice woman tried to hit on me, the more my heart sank into the hole that Zoe had tried so hard to pull me outof.
The woman took my driver’s license and tapped a few things into her computer, and then I was signing on the dottedline.
I stared at the set of keys in my hand and hardly listened as she rattled off a list, which I assumed was the terms and conditions. Damage and liability. Living life was a liability, but they didn’t charge your credit card the excess forthat.
“Sir?” The clerk was waving a piece of paper under mynose.
“Thanks.” I took the paperwork, and it wasn’t until I was out the door and in the parking garage that I realized she’d written her phone number across the top. Estelle. There goes the world and its preconceived notionsagain.
An image of Jessie flashed in my mind, and I could almost feel her lips on mine. Cursing, I shook my head and stormed up the line of parked cars, pressing the button on the fob. Orange lights flashed a few spaces up, and I opened the boot, stashing mystuff.
I’d thought about which way to go—of course, I had. The obvious choice would be to go to Las Vegas, but that was where Will and Zoe had gone. Following them wouldn’t be a good idea. I could go to Flagstaff, then to the Grand Canyon on the less touristy side. I didn’t want bright lights. I wanted stars and silence for achange.
Out of habit, I went for the right-hand side of the car but circled around to the left with a curse. This was going to be fun.Capital fuckingF.
It wastwo days later that I pulled into a quiet lookout on the edge of the GrandCanyon.
Just me, the wind, the sky, and the plummetingdepths.
I’d lost count how many times I’d turned on windscreen wipers instead of the indicator and went to get in on the right-hand side. I hesitated at every left-hand turn and weird-ass traffic light and had been honked at more times than I knew waspossible.
Out of the city and into the wilderness, I’d had the freedom to work it out. The driving, I mean. Everything else was still royally screwed up. It was just me, the road, and the silence, which I filled with blaring whatever random song that came up on my iPod. I really wasn’t doing anything to get over Jessie. I was just filling the void with distractions because if I didn’t think about her, eventually, she would be forgotten. Except, every time I closed my eyes, I would see her face. Her perfect brown eyes, her perfect lips, and the problem was, I still wantedher.
I’d driven down the coast a little toward San Diego before circling back the next day to hit the city of Flagstaff, Arizona. Beaches didn’t do it for me anymore. I had plenty of daylight hours left to drive up to Grand Canyon Village and check out some of the viewing points. No one seemed to park at the stop I’d chosen, probably opting for whatever was back at the Village or further ahead. The sun was starting to dip, casting long shadows along therock.
Kicking open the car door, I walked over to the barrier and stared over the edge of the cliff that plummeted down and down into nothing but jagged rock. I should be amazed, right? My breath should be taken away by the sight of one of the natural wonders of the world, but I felt nothing. It was great and amazing and all of that, but there was no one there to share it with. The sky stretched above me, open and empty, and the canyon stretched below me, a void of space and rock etched with millions of years of natural history. Open and empty was exactly the way I felt right now, and I had no idea how to deal withit.
I’d just started on this mindless trip to Nowheresville. Zoe said I would just have to give it time. I was determined to give it time before I flung myself over thecliff.
Gravel crunching underfoot, I slunk back to the car and sat on the bonnet, looking out over the canyon as the sun sank even further. Taking out my phone, I was surprised to see I had a signal. I had no idea where they were, but I dialed Zoe’s number and hoped she would pick up. I needed to hear a voice, and hers was the only one I wanted. We’d hardly gone a day without speaking to each other at least once. She was myanchor.
She picked up after three rings. “Dee?”
“Hey.” I’m sure I sounded as deflated as Ifelt.
“How are you?” she asked, and I could instantly hear the concern in hervoice.
“Fine.”
“Really?”
I let out a sharpsigh.
“What have you beendoing?”
“I’ve been seeing the ass crack of America,” I saidwryly.
