Page 42 of The Fire Walker
Jessie
Iwould liketo say things wereokay.
I would like to say I wasn’t feeling guilty for what I’ddone.
Anything I could’ve said to make things seem better would’ve been nothing but a patheticexcuse.
I’d stared down at Dee while he slept and realized I couldn’t do it to him. He was genuinely good. Once he figured out I was less than desirable and about the crap I was hiding from, he would ditch me the first chance he got. So to save everyone, I cut out the middleman and left. I was afraid of the feelings he’d stirred up in me, and I was afraid of hurting him. Walking away seemed to be the best option for both of us. He wouldn’t have, so I hadto.
I kept telling myself I had to be cruel to be kind, but that was just fucked up. If I thought doing something like running out on the sweetest guy ever in the middle of the night after sleeping with him was the way to go…then I didn’t deserve him. The problem was, I didn’t deserve him in the firstplace.
I had to forget about Dee Cosgrove, and Dee Cosgrove had to forget about me. It was as simple asthat.
Sitting on the floor in the back room of Couch, the cafe slash bar where I worked, doing inventory wasn’t helping my state of mind all that much. I started counting the back stock of coffee beans for the fifthtime.
One, two, eight, five, seven.Shit.
“Jessie,” Ed called out into the silent room, making mejump.
Ed was my boss and the sweetest thing. Flirted nonstop but he was one hundred percent gay and one hundred percentsweetheart.
Glancing up, I saw his head sticking through the door, his glasses askew. “Yeah?”
“There’s some woman out front asking foryou.”
I frowned, wondering who it could be. I didn’t really have any friends outside of work. “Okay, I’ll be out in asecond.”
Ed nodded, and the door closed behind him. Dusting off my jeans, I wandered out front. That was when my gaze collided with ZoeGranger.
Instantly, my blood ran cold, and I felt like running in the opposite direction. Why was she here? Why I even asked myself the question was pointless. There was only one reason, and it was the one I left sleeping in my hotel room back inLA.
Taking a deep breath, I stopped in front of her on the opposite side of the counter, hoping that it would serve as some kind of buffer if she decided to throttleme.
“How did you find me?” I asked quietly. She leaned against the counter, looking tough with all her tattoos and wild hair, and I felt like a mouse compared toher.
“I threatened Georgie with a sexual harassmentsuit.”
Isnorted.
“I’m gonna cut to the chase,” she said in her thick Australian accent. “You know why I’m here,Jessie.”
I nodded, trying to stop myself from checking for an escaperoute.
“I think it would be best if we had a seat, yes?” She gestured behind her where the cafe was still fairly empty. Mid-afternoon andall.
I glanced up at Ed, who nodded. “Take your break now if you want.” He gave me a look that said ‘Are you okay?’ and Inodded.
“Thanks.”
I rounded the counter and followed Zoe to a seat in the middle of the room stuffed with mismatched couches. Whatever she had to say to me, I would have to endure, and I wasn’t looking forward to it. I noticed her boyfriend sitting by the front window, a coffee on the table front of him. Truthfully, I was scared of Zoe. She and Dee had this thing that was… I had no words to describe it. She would fight to the death to protect him, and he would probably do the same. Who was I to compete withthat?
She eyed me across the table, taking in my shaking hands, and I shoved them under mylegs.
“Why did you do it?” sheasked.
I stiffened. That was the million-dollar question, wasn’t it? Why did I keep fucking up everything? The only thing I had was the story I kept telling myself over and over. The one that oozed integrity because I didn’t really have any of that. I was a walkinglie.
“When I started interning, I vowed not to be like Georgie. I promised myself that I would never mix with the bands like that. I wanted to keep my relationships strictly professional. I overstepped theline.”
