Page 46 of The Fire Walker
“What. Do. You.Want?”
“I can’t stop thinking about you,” she blurted, her eyes wet withtears.
Now I felt like an ass for making her cry. Why was I even feeling sorry for her? She pulled a classic fuck and run, pissed on my heart and set it onfire.
“Please, Dee. I’msorry.”
I shook my head, looking at the floor. “I said all those things…”Like a fuckingmoron.
“I’msorry.”
I dropped my head into my hand, screwing my eyes shut, but she invaded all of my senses anyway. “How the fuck did you even find me?” As soon as I said it, I knew the answer. “FuckingZoe,” I exclaimed with an annoyedsigh.
I shouldn’t be mad at my best friend. She obviously wanted to help, but I wasn’t sure delivering Jessie to my door was the right way of going aboutit.
Jessie shuffled from foot to foot. “She told me a few home truths.”I bet she did.“And she told me a few things aboutyou.”
I snorted. “Why did you come here? What do you want from me? It’s a long way to come for a quickfuck.”
She flinched, wrapping her arms around herself, eyes on thefloor.
“Why are you here?” I asked again. “It’s not like you promised meshit.”
“I want to fix it. I’msorry.”
“You fucking left me,” I yelled, slamming my fist against the wall. Thankfully, for my credit card, I didn’t leave a hole. “You left me in the middle of the night after I told you I wanted more. You were pretty fuckingclear.”
“Dee.” She sobbed, shrinking back like a frightened animal. Despite the rage I felt in the pit of my stomach, I would never hurt her. After everything that happened with Zoe and her psycho ex and common decency…I wasn’t likethat.
I took in her slight frame, her downcast eyes, and her perfect lips, and it would be so easy just to give in. I could just take her right now and sate this need, but she would fucking destroy me. She already had in record bloody time. I was on a one-way street to nowhere town, populationme.
“You shouldn’t have come,” Isaid.
“But Idid.”
There was this twisted push and pull going on inside me. I’d never expected in a billion years to see her again, especially on my doorstep in the middle of the bloody country. A week ago, I would’ve done anything to keep her in my life. Now I couldn’t even look her in theeye.
“Zoesaid—”
“I don’t care what Zoe said,” Iinterrupted.
“I did a shitty thing,” she cried. “I did a shitty thing, and I’m sorry. I came all this way to make amends. Tosee…”
“Stop.” My fingers curled into fists at my sides. I couldn’t do it. She couldn’t just walk back into my life after walking out of it so dramatically. What was stopping her from doing it again? The whole time I’d been truthful about who I was and what I wanted, and she walked away. She used me and walked away. What we did wasn’t a one-night stand, and she knew it the moment she let me into herroom.
“You need to leave,” Isaid.
“Dee. Please, hear meout.”
“No.”
“Please.”
I glanced up and saw the pain and desperation in her expression, and despite the pull I felt toward her, I just wanted her to leave. “There’s nothing you could say to make what you did better, Jessie. If you want closure…if you want to make yourself feel better by saying you’re sorry…you won’t get any of that fromme.”
Her lips moved like she was trying to say something but couldn’t get it out. After a moment, she backed away toward the door, shoulders sinking. I found myself beginning to feel sorry for her. Sorry that she wasted all her time and money by cominghere.
She opened the door and left, her gaze never leaving the carpet. When the latch clicked back into place, I strode over and drove the dead bolthome.
I had no idea what Zoe said to Jessie to get her to come here, but it must have been epic, and really, she shouldn’t have bothered. I hoped she made a phone call and hadn’t gone in person because New York was a long way to go from Houston to tell someone a few hometruths.
Zoe just needed to let go of whatever stupid notion she had about trying to save me. I didn’twantto be saved. How many times did I have to say it? I knew I would have a few choice words lined up for when I called her, and I was already formulating the speech in mymind.
I couldn’t do anything about it now. I was hardly drunk enough. Grabbing the bottle of scotch, I sank back onto the bed and resumed my downwardspiral.
