Page 65 of The Fire Walker
Jessie
Isatin the car next to Dee, my gaze firmly locked on the passing countryside out of mywindow.
The air was so thick it felt hard to breathe. I could still feel where he’d been. There was a dull ache between my legs, and focusing on it made me squirm in my seat. I’d relished the feeling of him inside me, but to him, it was just a punishment. It wasn’t the connection I’d wanted. Desperation had driven me to do something incredibly stupid yetagain.
He’d said I’d destroyedhim.
Nothing I could have done would have prepared me for those words. How can you fix the smashed heart of the man you loved? I’d been trying for days now, and maybe that was the problem. I didn’t have weeks or months to make it right. I hadhours.
Hate. Destruction. He thought I’d used him. He lost who he was because of me. He thought he meant nothing to me. He was everything. Myeverything.
I felt a tear sliding down my cheek, and I brushed it away angrily. I was forever doing the wrong thing even though I thought it was right at the time. Maybe I was one of those people who was born whole. You know, the screwed-up notion of soul mates? That you were born in half and then spend your life searching for the piece that fits. Some people settled for an ill match in the hope that it worked, the lucky ones find their perfect fit. The leftovers were already whole in the firstplace.
Maybe I was whole. That was what the universe was trying to tell me every time I tried to find my perfect half, and hurting them was a sign that it wasn’t meant forme.
I kept hurting Dee despite my best intentions, and it broke myheart.
I wanted to love him so much, but it wasn’t enough unless he loved me back. Even after everything, I couldn’t imagine living life without Dee Cosgrove. Any future was bleak without him init.
