Page 27 of Ignite
“You know exactly what you’re doing,” she said, staring me down. “You helped build her confidence up from next to nothing. When I first met her, she was frightened of saying the wrong thing in case I turned around and laughed in her face. She’d been bullied at work for three years straight, so I don’t blame her. She was one step away from something I don’t even want to contemplate. Honestly, I’m frightened that for her, it might’ve been down to jumping off a bridge or coming here.Thank fuck, she came here. Giving her any hope at all, helping her regain who she is…that’s a big fucking deal,Liam.”
“I know…” I muttered. I’d done all those things, and then I’d gone and fucked her. To add insult to injury, two minutes after coming inside her tight pussy, I left. I’d been the definition of a doublestandard.
“Listen, she needs a job prettyquick…”
“She needs money?” I asked. “Ioffered…”
“See?” Faye declared throwing her hands into the air. “You act indifferent, but when I mention she’s in trouble, your ears prick up. I wouldn’t be surprised if your cock is hard rightnow.”
“Don’t,” I saidangrily.
“Don’t what? Keep telling you to give up your tough guy act and tell her that you want to give it ago?”
“I don’t want to give it a go.” Even as I said it, I began to doubt. I wanted to believe Ali was different, but she wasn’t in a good place in herlife.
Faye scowled. “Why, Liam? I can see she’s gotten under your skin. It makessense.”
“Because I’m not good for her,” I snapped, thumping my fist onto the bar. “This place isn’t good forher.”
Faye narrowed her eyes and sneered at me. “You’re full ofshit.”
“Piss off.” I was beginning to sound like the kid who almost got locked up in juvenile detention for petty theft. That kid being me. “Like you’re any betteroff.”
She flinched slightly and shook her head. “The difference between you and me, Liam, is the fact I’m happy. I’m satisfied. I’m doing what I want without letting a shitty hand hold me back. I understand who I am and what I need to thrive. So fucking what if it’s not conventional?It’s my life.” She rolled her eyes. “You’re a miserable little shit, who’s hell-bent on wallowing. You’re floating in a sea of misery, and that’s on you. I don’t know what happened to you or if you were just born a moron, but don’t take it out onme.”
“Faye…”
She flipped me the bird and turned herback.
I watched her walk away, feeling like the biggest asshole of the century. She was right. She was so bloody right ithurt.
I didn’t want to fuck up Ali’s life. Inevitably, I would screw up, and she would leave brokenhearted, abandoning me like everyone else did. It was a vicious cycle that had repeated itself over and over until it was all I knew. No attachments meant no one would leave. It was thatsimple.
I wanted her to reach out and grab my hand and pull me out of the sea of shit that was my life. I wanted her to stay, but I always left before she had thechance.
What was I really afraidof?
12
Alison
Istayed awayfrom The Underground after the night I spent withLiam.
Knowing he would be there fighting in the cage and flirting with other women caused a jagged tear to open up in my heart. I couldn’t handle knowing he was sleeping with other people. Call me old-fashioned, but I didn’t like it. I didn’t want to ‘explore my sexuality’ or whatever stupid modern buzzword people slapped on the age-old notion of sleepingaround.
I wanted more. I craved connection, company, togetherness, love. I wanted something deeper than what my life had become. It wasn’t about being alone. It was aboutbelonging.
Too bad I’d asked the universe for something that was rarer than the ground we lived on. A gazillion million trillion planets were out there, and only one had developed intelligent life. Well, only one we were smart enough to find. What ametaphor.
I liked Liam. I liked him a lot, but it was more thanthat.
I woke up, and all I could think about was him. I rolled over at seven a.m.?—the time I usually got up for work—and imagined him beside me. The bed was always empty, but I still hoped, knowing it would never betrue. ?????
I could remember every little detail about that night. The way he’d undressed me. The way he’d kissed me. The moment his cock entered me for the first time. When I came…and when he let go, coming inside me. Then the bitter disappointment when heleft.
It was better this way. My feelings were one-sided. I had to move on. I had to pull myselftogether.
So I’d spent the best part of the last few days writing covering letters and applying for any job I thought I was qualified for, even ones that were well out of my skill set. Call centers, telemarketing, retail, office administration, leaflet dropping…anything to keep me from lining up for unemployment benefits. I had to make rent at the end of the month, and if I couldn’t, it would only be a matter of time before I washomeless.
