Page 26 of Total Lunar Eclipse
I demand to know what’s going on. I also demand that Zahra put back on some clothes. Damn elements don’t seem to care that we’ve claimed her. She does as I’ve asked and then starts recounting everything that’s happened since Lina first separated us. Twenty minutes later, I regret asking.
Her retelling is so convoluted, and she’s digressed so many times, I have no fucking clue what’s happening. Air and Fire keep nodding sagely, while Earth and Water interject from time to time with questions of their own. The little ass-twerps seem to have no problem understandingZahraneseor whatever languageourgoddess speaks.
“So it’s settled then,” Fire suddenly speaks up. “Take us to the tenth dimension and we’ll see about helping with the Minor Gods.”
“Oh, thank you!” Zahra cries, racing to launch herself into a grateful hug.
Uranus catches her mid-lunge and Fire is left standing there, arms held out for a hug he’s never going to receive. Zahra glowers at my twin, but he pretends not to notice.
“Venus, my pinkkotyonok, can you please get these asstwer- I mean, these gentlemen some clothing?”
“Ass-whats? And don’t call me your “pink kitty”. It makes me sound like a vagina. Or Mr. Bigglesworth.”
Uranus’ sigh matches my own.
“Ass nothings,” I say in exasperation, not even addressing the rest of her statement. “Let’s just get the Elements some clothing.”
“Alright,” Zahra agrees, shrugging.
Heracquiescenceand carefree manner put me on edge. Uranus picks up on it, too and frowns. Ha, serves the fucker right. The rebellious dick has been a thorn in my side since the beginning of our existence with his antics. The only one worse is Mercury. And maybe Sun. I can’t help but enjoy my twin’s discomfort. He reads this easily through our bond and flips me the mental finger. I grin and we go back to trying to figure out what Zahra is up to.
Surprisingly, she’s done as we’ve asked and clothed the Elements. Not exactly in what I would have dressed them in, but at least it’s not loincloths or speedos. Seeing one of those fuckers in a banana hammock might scar me for eternity. Worse than having to see their junk. It pains me to admit that Zahra has an impressive imagination for creating male genitalia.
“Thank you, my queen,” Water compliments. “But what are we wearing?”
“Robes, my good elemental. For Hogwarts!”
“We must wear these to fight against warts from hogs?” Earth wonders.
“No, no, no. This is the uniform you wear at Hogwarts, which is a wizardry school that teaches you magic.”
The Elements look excited at the concept.
Something dawns on me.
“Bratik, wasn’t Hogwarts that school from-”
“The fantasy fiction series for children that swept the Western world? Yes.”
“I’m a Hufflepuff,” Air says proudly, looking down at the crest embroidered into his robe.
“And I’m Slytherin,” Earth adds.
“I’m Ravenclaw,” Water interjects.
“And I am Gryffindor,” Fire finishes.
“When do classes start?” Air wonders.
I shake my head reproachfully at Zahra.
“What?” she shrugs. “It was this orCaptain Planet.”
“Who?” Uranus asks.
“Oh my god, you don’t know who Captain Planet is? What sad kind of childhood did you have growing up?!” She cries.
“A Soviet one,” I respond dryly.
