Page 3 of A Cock and Bull Story
Man,and I thought that I was hard on myself about my addiction. . .
The man with the brownish-gray hair snorts.
“Whatever. I’m Jack,the Ass.”
Does that mean he’s really into anal?
I should probably ask him—just for clarification’s sake.
The cute girl with freckles chuckles.
“Well, at least you aren’t a blue tit! The name’s Sian, by the way,” she adds on for my benefit.
I’ve never heard of a woman called ‘Shawn’. Maybe her mother forgot to add the ‘a’ at the end?
The woman with the delicious rack rolls her eyes.
“And I’m a blue booby. I’m Elise.”
Now, everyone looks at me expectantly, but I have no freaking clue what to say to any of this. Whatever I stumbled across has to be the most hardcore SA group on the face of the Earth! Instead of just admitting to their problems, it’s like they’re doing a British roast of themselves. I’ve never even been to anAmericanone, but I’ve seen a couple on TV.
It’s brutal—but, kind of refreshing.
Maybe this isexactlywhat I need.
Beaming a smile at everyone, I take my turn.
“Hello, everyone. I’m excited to be here andfinallyseek the help I need. I’m Jezebel,” I announce, using my full name for once because, really, it’s fitting as fuck. “And I’m a horny, slippery-dick-loving, mouse-clicking pussy.”
Iblink at the odd, but stunning, woman’s confession.
Was she saying that she’s a cat shifter?
Why would a cat shifter behere?
Maybe she was a sphynx cat or some shit. I can see that being a real downer—especially if this is her human form, but she doesn’t appear particularly feline. Maybe she is a half-breed? It certainly would explain why I smellhumanon her.
I think about the rest of her ridiculous sentence. What the bloody hell was a horny mouse-clicker? Is it some strange and spined rodent? Or, is it like the titmouse and not like its name at all? FYI: titmice are a type of bird, just ask Sian. Does she ever get pissed off when someone doesn’t know what a titmouse is, even though she’s specifically a blue tit.
I get it, though.
How many people know what a cockchafer is?
I decide to ask this to the new girl—Jezebel. What a name. Fuck. What a body.
“I know this is your first meeting and everything, but do you know what a cockchafer is?” I ask as politely as I can because it really is unfair to do this to a new member.
I’m just curious—no one ever knows. Every other animal with cock in their name—peacock, cocker spaniel, cockatoo, even just cock—they get recognized.Me?I’m lower than a bug, forgive my pun.
“Erm, no, not really,” she admits. “I’m terrible with my British slang. I thought it might mean—wait! Cockchafer. . . like to chafe?”
She rubs her hands together in excitement to mimic her words.
“I get it now—youchafe cocks! You bring dead boners back to life! You’re like a cock doctor or something! Oh my god, thank you so much for your work! I didn’t even know that was a thing, but you’re my hero. I feel like chafing cocks would be a lot like being a masseuse. I just don’t have the hand stamina. Don’t get me wrong—I give a mean hand job; I just don’t want to do it for hours. I use my mouth a lot with it, usually. So, it’s more like a blow-slash-hand job. . . a bland job? No, that’s a terrible blending of the two words. A how job? I’ve got nothing. Next meeting, I will,” she swears.
I sit there, with my hands in the universal ‘what-the-fuck-is-happening’ gesture, looking at my fellow oddball shifters. Jack is laughing hysterically, not bothering to cover his humor. Theo looks torn between amusement and horror. Sian and Elise are staring at Jezebel like she is their new favorite pet, and Arthur looks completely gobsmacked—which isexactlyhow I feel, too.
“N-n-n-o,” I finally manage to stammer through my perplexity. “I’m an insect.”
