Page 15 of Riding A Cock-Horse
Unfortunately, where I lived, we didn't have very much extended family. I didn’t grow up alone; I had an older brother, but he just did his own activities. I always think about poor Elise, who was an only child. At least I had my brother—she had no one. When I moved to Banbury, I became closer to my cousin in Oxford. She and I are close in age, and my parents approved of that friendship.
But the one I have with Elise?
Not on your Nelly.
Sad thoughts and memories bring me back to the Highlands, where I am once again. I stare at the breathtaking beauty of the expanse of land as we disembark from the train. As Arthur said, his uncle is there waiting for us. His look is the all too familiar one I remember from when I was a little girl and we vacationed here—polite but restrained, certainlynotwelcoming. I feel my muscles tense with the urge to shift and fly away from it all.
Not only is Arthur's uncle the clan leader, but he's also a shifter—two marks against anyone who is not of his kind.And here Arthur is bringing seven other people home who are nothing like him. My stomach flutters nervously for my friend. I don't want his parents to do what my parents did—what Elise’s parents did—and completely cut Arthur from their lives. Humans need connection with one another; they need that interaction. Shifters need it on a completely different level, especially for certain animals, such as birds.
Specifically, titmice; we’re very social birds who nest together in both human and animal form.
When my parents disowned me, it was like they cut a piece of my heart from me and kept it for themselves. The people that were supposed to be there for me, love me unconditionally, and support me all my life said ta-ra without even blinking—and it really has nothing to do with my sexuality. I think they would have been ok if I had found another titmouse, but because Elise is a booby and I am a tit…we’re just star crossed-lovers.
All those feelings of rejection, severance, and feeling so alone come rushing back to me as I stare at Arthur's uncle. My heart aches—it bleeds because I'm so scared that Arthur will be turned away in the same manner. I see how he looks at Belle. It’s how we all look at Belle. She's something sweet, unique, and rare in our world. I hurt for him because Arthur's already given his heart to Belle, and I don't know if his family will be able to accept that.
Mine certainly couldn't.
Sian is squeezing my hand so hard I'm afraid she might break it. I quickly tuck her under my wing reassuringly and hug her to me tightly. I know what she's thinking. I can see it written all over her expressive, beautiful face. It's worry for Arthur and Belle,for all of us. Her old hurts and pains are coming to the forefront—for her parent’s rejection and mine.
What Sian has failed to realize over the years is that my family's rejection, while hurtful, isn’t something I didn't expect. Growing up, all prim and proper, my parents were always very cold and distant—I already felt detached from them. While their rejection was painful, it wasn't debilitating.
It was for Sian, though.
She had grown up in a family that was used to being affectionate. My family could barely give each other a civil greeting in the mornings. It’s clear that Arthur is very similar to Sian and has grown up with a loving family. The lucky fellow has cousins, aunts, uncles, and more all living together in one place.
Truthfully, I’m jealous of Arthur and his family—even of Sian, who had a brother. My childhood was filled with imaginary friends and the ghosts of ancestors I never met, but hoped would have cared for me. As an only child, I had no one. Not even a nanny because my parents couldn’t find a booby—and that's the only thing I have in common with Sian.
You don’t seek friendship, help, love—anything—outside of your species.
At a very young age, you're taught who you are and where you stand in the shifter world. Unfortunately, blue boobies don’t rank very high. In retrospect, it's as if my parents couldn’t handle this, and so, they amassed ungodly amounts of money to lord over the one creature that would always be beneath them—humans.
Before I met Sian, my parents' wealth bought me everything. Private schooling, a coveted job position, posh clothes, you name it. Yet, the instant my parents found out about my relationship with Sian, I became persona non grata—as if a titmouse is truly any lower than a booby.
For weeks after both of our families cast us out, I contemplated breaking up with Sian. At least then, I know her parents would take her back in. It would take some time before they could mend their relationship, but at least my beloved would have her family back. Sian had no one but me—becauseofme—and I felt terribly guilty. I was used to being alone, but she wasn’t. It was unfair and selfish of me to take that from her, but Sian wouldn't hear anything of it—she loved me, and we were together for the long haul.
Then, we found Jack, Theo, Jude, and Arthur.
We started our own family, and it became perfect when Belle joined us. Whatever happens here today—whatever Arthur's family decrees—he knows that we've got his back, and we'll support him no matter what. Shifter's Anonymous was more than just being the lowest man on the totem pole. It was about finding a place when we had been cast out, when we had nobody, when we were alone.
It was about finding family.
Shifters sneer at humans, but it is not I who pity them. They would pity us if they knew about our existence and our damning hierarchy that keeps us from truly loving. I look at Belle—so free and beautiful, embracing who she is, accepting who she is, as well as all of us—and I realize, Belle doesn't need to learn how to be a shifter now that she is one.
No, it’s us shifters that need to learn how to be more like her—human.
My cousin is the first person to say anything as we step off the train. It's pretty obvious who Dageus’ father is as Arthur’s cousin looks just like him. True to form, any time Harry opens his mouth, he makes a blunder of it.
“Howdy, I'm Harry the Arse, and I need a shower—some dude was riding me bareback this entire time, and I’m sure you can imagine how sweaty I am.”
Dageus’ father blinks, the stoic look never leaving his face. Belle pushes forward with a disgruntled look on her lovely face.
“Really?!He gets to say things like that, butIget yelled at for misconstruing things?!”
“Anyone who's a shifter doesn't get confused by things like this,” I mutter to her.
“Well, that's just horseshit. Or donkey shit…or whatever kind of animal shit,” she snaps, throwing up her hands.
Now, the clan leader slides a look over at her, something unreadable passing through his eyes. Arthur hurries forward.
