Page 43 of Riding A Cock-Horse
Did he just give me a dick?
“I've just had some slippery dick in me; I'm good, thanks.”
Nestor scowls at my polite decline, and I wonder if I've offended him by rejecting his gift.
“I don't sleep with people I don't know,” I try again before I realize that's an absolute lie. “Actually, I totally do that. I get off the most to that shit.”
I realize everyone's listening to me, and I'm talking out loud. The jackal dude is staring at me with big, pleading, wide eyes—he must really want me to screw him.
“Listen, you have a big, beautiful, black cock—and I love it—I'm just kind of overwhelmed by dick at the moment. Wow… I never thought I'd say those words,” I mutter mostly to myself.
The Secondary's eyes just keep getting wider and wider. Finally, Jude steps forward, chuckling. “Nestor's not offering you him to shag, love,” he clarifies.
“You're not?” I ask the Loch Ness Monster.
Nestor shakes his head.
“No!” he says with disgust. “I'm offering him to you for revenge!”
“I thought the older one ate the douche!” Jack mumbles somewhere from behind me.
“He is a gift for you,” Nestor continues. “To use for information and then to torture at your leisure.”
I throw my hands up in the air.
“Who the fuck gives a gift like that?” I demand.
Under his breath, I hear Theo whisper, “As opposed to him giving the bloketo fuck?”
“Hey!” I snap. “That’s actually the perfect gift to get me! Please, gift me with things to cram into my taco shell.”
Phineas frowns sternly at Arthur.
“Donotget the lass that gift!”
I wag a finger at him.
“Don't tell him what to do! You're ruining my surprise Christmas orgies!”
Arthur raises a hand to silence us all.
“We need to ask him questions to see who he's working for.”
“I already told you who he’s working for—Dean Rigidwiener and Dr. Dieandgotohell.”
“Yes, but we need to make sure that they're the masterminds and not working under someone else. Then, we need to figure out where they're at.”
“Right. Okay, mister,” I growl, making my voice as deep and intimidating as possible. Jabbing a menacing finger menacingly at the bleeding Secondary, I demand, “Tell us where Dr. Fuckface and Dean Stiffdick are, or I'll cut off your dick and smack your face with it!”
Everyone gapes at me.
I stare back, nonplussed.
“What? I thought we were threatening him?”
“Notby cutting off his knob,” Jack sighs.
“Er, sorry. Let me try again… tell us where Dean Stiffdick and Dr. Fuckface are, or I’ll smackmyface with your coc—no, that's not right either. Guys, a little help.”
