Page 9 of Riding A Cock-Horse
“Oh, Dean Hardwick and his…I don't know, scientist doctor? Oh, and don’t forget about his henchmen, or animal minions—we'll get to his minions—but yeah, it's mainly the dean and doc I don't like. So, apparently, Dean Hardwick is teaming up with Dr. Fuckface—who turns into what animal, I have no clue; I just assume some sort of Tertiary—anywho, they are using women like meto breed.”
Theo scratches his head.
“That doesn't make any sense—you'rehuman.”
At this, one of Harry's ears turns sideways in what I assume must be curiosity.
“Iwashuman,” I explain. “Well, I think I'm still human. Maybe. No, not really. Nope. Dr. Fuckface threw all my human dreams out the window—human dreams I didn't even know I had! See, Iwashuman, and they were just going to use me to breed. Apparently, there's something special about my blood,” I clarify to Theo. “I don't know what it is, and I have no idea what they're looking for but I think that maybe there's something about me that makes it so you guys can breed at any time.”
Theo scratches his chin thoughtfully.
“Kind of wish you weren't in toad form,” he complains to Arthur. “But if I had to hazard a guess, it’s about our unique reproductive cycles. As Shifters, we have to follow the rules of our animals to reproduce. So as a slippery dick, my parents have to mate in water and lay eggs.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” I tut, holding out a hand. “You came from an egg?!”
“I mean, technically, we all come from eggs,” Theo replies.
“You know what I mean! Like, your mom popped out an egg, and then, you popped out later?”
Theo chuckles.
“Yes.”
“Well, how did she know where to find you? And did she like, scoop you up and stick you in an aquarium at home for safety?”
“Actually, that'sexactlywhat she did. So many of our kind don't make it because of how we’re born. That’s why my mum basically incubated me at home like a pet fish. Out of hundreds of eggs, I'm the only one that survived,” he finishes with a sigh.
I look at him.
“That's terrible.”
Theo shrugs pragmatically.
“It's just how our kind is. It's hard because you're born as the animal you are but once you make that first shift back into becoming human, you stay that way until after a certain age. I think this is a defense mechanism that shifters have so that there isn’t any go between when you're younger and can’t consciously control it. Can you imagine if I were a baby, and I just shifted into a slippery dick in public or shifted into a slippery dick while my mum was on the balcony and she dropped me from the first floor1?”
I cringe.
It's a good thing that evolution was thinking about these shifters...can you imagine dropping something from thesecondfloor?!
“So, you’re fish, and then one day—boom—you’re a cute, squalling baby?”
“Pretty much. My mum said it happened within hours of birth. My parents got to enjoy the entire process of having a human baby. Shifter reproduction is…tricky. For my mum, all she had to do was lay her eggs, but mammal shifters have to carry their babies in their animal forms. Think about elephant shifters—you have to stay in your animal form for almost two years. That's a lot of time to be gone from the human world, who doesn't know we’re shifters. It's why we cloister with our kind—because they understand our needs as the animal we are and are the most supportive of those animalistic demands.”
“Wow, that sounds beyond difficult. I can't imagine being pregnant for two years—heck, I can't imagine even being an elephant! But I think it would be fun to have a trunk.”
“Really. Why’s that?” Theo asks.
“Don't you think it would be fun to suck up water and spray yourself for a DIY shower whenever? Or shove your trunk up somebody's ass?” Theo just blinks at me, and I clear my throat. “Sorry. Go on. I'm listening.”
My slippery dick quirks a smile before continuing.
“As I was saying, we stay in human form until we hit puberty. Then, we have our second shift. From that point on, we learn how to shift back and forth and how to control it so we don't do it in public. The first rule any shifter is taught is that humans can’t know about us. Our species is a secret. Other than that, the chain of command has been drilled into us since birth—Tertiaries, Secondaries, Primaries. And as Primaries, we are nothing. We will always be the lowest of the lowest, and we must follow the food chain unless we want to die.”
Jesus on Wheat Thins—the Tertiaries really add new meaning to‘alpha a-hole’.
“And if you ever want any kids?” I prompt.
“I have to find another slippery dick—we can only mate within our own species and only when we are in animal form.”
