Page 24 of Monsters in My Bed
“How can you be so sure?” I demand.
“We're almost there, according to Osz and Viz, and I’m connected to him just as much as they are. If the three of us don’t sense anything, then my father isn’t there.”
“Where do you think he went?” Roxy whispers.
“Hopefully straight to Hell,” I growl.
“Hmm, you think he went to The Bowels?”
Roxy's tinkling amusement echoes into the darkness around us as she laughs at her mate. “I don't think that's what Alexis meant.”
Rastorj buries his face in her neck. “You have no idea how much I've missed the sound of that.”
Just like that, my best friend's expression drops. “I'm sorry—”
Her mate places a finger against her lips. “Don't apologize, please. My heart can't take it anymore. All I want is your happiness, but I don't want it to be faked or forced. I'll take anything that you give me and cherish every moment with you. I promise we'll get through this together—because I love you.”
My breath catches in my throat at his declaration, something I desperately wish Seriq had given to me. My twin mates come closer to Mark and me, and Vizruk’s glowing pink gaze shines bright as he stares at me.
“Rastorj’s base emotion is different than Seriq's. I'm not excusing your mate, but he needs time to learn how to overcome his shortcomings—time that Rastorj has already had. Seriq loves you in his own way, but he doesn’t know how to verbalize this love. It’s too new and foreign.”
Viz is right, but it's hard knowing what I want and still needing to give Seriq the time and space to give me it. I crook my finger to bring Osz and Vizruk even closer, so I can place an awkward kiss on each of the babies’ heads. My three mates manage to fly straight without colliding into one another as I ponder how to become more patient for Seriq’s sake. Goodness knows I love him.
It wouldn't hurt this fucking much if I didn't.
There’s a constant war inside of me where my original trium is concerned. On the one hand, I understand the darkness they were born from and how it’s shaped their purpose in life. On the other, I look at Vizruk, Osz, and Mark. They’re so different from Xhoshad, Nerazi, and Seriq, born of the same negativity but still choosing to rise above it.
Is it fair to hold my first mates to the same standards, since Mark and the twins were raised in isolation from such negativity?
I know Mark battled his own demons, hiding the truth of his pain and anger, but I also know he has experienced happiness on Earth. As for Vizruk and Osz, they had each other and the love of Mark’s mom to temper the blackness from which they were born. Like Mark, they matured without the usual fostering as other Vasura.
The longer I ponder everything, the more I realize it doesn’t matter. There will always be a reason—an excuse—for one of them to act the way they do,but should it change how I feel about them? Does it change how I feel about them?I’m surprised when I conclude that it doesn’t. No matter how much Seriq has fucked up, deep down, I still love him.
Of course, there are amends to make. I’m not going to give him a free pass, but if my green-eyed mate is willing to try, I would forgive him. Because I love him, just as I love all my mates in equal measure. A lot of my past was spent trying to outrun my mistakes, but I think I also hoped someone would follow—maybe Mark, my dad, or even my monsters.
Xhoshad, Nerazi, and Seriq had no way to get to me. As for Mark and my dad, they thought I needed the space and left me alone. I was too broken inside—too guilty over my mom’s death and Roxy’s abduction—to articulate my need for all of them. I can’t fix my problems with my mom, and Lord knows I tried there at the end with my dad, but even then, my time was cut short.
The Fallacious downing the portals reminds me that we are all on borrowed time. If I’m lucky enough to see Seriq again, I’m going to shower him in love. I’ll dream of the possessive fucker groveling in apology at my feet, but I’m not going to hold out for it because I might be wasting my time—time I could be spending with him and my trium, instead.
Now that we’re parents, I can recognize the need to be the bigger person. This isn’t just for me. It’s for Asha and Elic, the names I decided for the babies. It’s for Xhoshad, Nerazi, and Seriq. And by bringing them together, I can hopefully rectify the rift between my first mates and my newest ones. Whether Seriq wants to recognize it or not, we’re all a family—the one I dreamed of in my youth—and the thing about families is you don’t give up on them.
My dad never gave up on me.
Just thinking this thought has emotion clogging my throat. For twelve years, he waited for me to come home—and he forgave me. If my dad could do that—if Mark could do it—then I can for Seriq, Nerazi, and Xhoshad. I never understood how either my dad or Mark could move on so easily, but now I know it wasn’t. The pain’s still there, but they rose above it because they love me.
Now, I just need to find Seriq and do the same.
eleven
ALEXIS
Thetemperatureinsidethevolcano has reached an almost excruciating peak, and I glance nervously over at Osz and Vizruk.
“Is it safe in here?”
They shift, as if unsure, not answering me, and my anxiety rises through the roof.
“Maybe Mark, Rastorj, and I should take Roxy, and you two stay back with the babies.”
