Page 135 of Bred
I sigh, sitting up. He must sense that whatever I’m about to say is serious, because he sits up, too, and turns the bedside table light on.
I hug my knees to my chest. I can feel his gaze, but he doesn’t pressure me to speak. Instead, he waits patiently, giving me the time to collect my thoughts.
I stare at my arms while I deliver the news.
“I was pregnant when you left.”
I feel his shock, but I don’t dare look at him. If I do, I’ll break down.
“I had a feeling I was pregnant, but I hadn’t taken a test yet. The night of prom, I was going to tell you so we could take the test together, but when you didn’t show…” I trail off, shrugging lamely.
“Brin…” His voice is husky with emotion. It makes my eyes fill with tears.
“I had a miscarriage at twelve weeks,” I whisper brokenly.
“Jesus.” Lucas quickly pulls me onto his lap. He’s shaking as he crushes me to him.
I clutch him back tightly, losing my battle with my tears.
“I’m sorry,” he rasps. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
He lets me cry against his chest, all the while stroking my hair and whispering apologies and soothing words until I calm down.
Feeling vulnerable, I don’t meet his gaze when I pull away from him. He doesn’t let me off his lap, though.
“Brinley, look at me.”
I close my eyes at the gentle command. I don’t want to, not ready to see what might reflect in his indigo eyes.
“Baby, please look at me,” he pleads softly, coaxing me by cupping my jaw.
I exhale shakily, opening my eyes. My eyes fill with tears again when I see that his are red-rimmed.
“I’m sorry, baby,” he rumbles. “I can’t imagine what that was like for you. And you did it alone, all because I—” He cuts off abruptly, a muscle jumping in his jaw as he looks away from me.
He inhales deeply. When he seems like he’s composed himself again, he turns back to me. He looks tortured.
“Nothing I can do or say will excuse what I did. I know I didn’t know, but…” He shakes his head angrily. “I fucked up. It kills me that you went through that all alone. It’s something I’ll carry for the rest of our lives.”
I swallow thickly. I want to comfort him, but I don’t have the words. It wouldn’t do any good, anyway.This kind of hurt is like a soundless echo in your heart. It never truly leaves.
So, I do the only thing I can do.
I pull him down with me to the bed and hold him. Together, we silently mourn the loss of the child we never got to meet.
“I need you,” Lucas whispers desperately. “But I don’t want you to think—”
“Shh,” I soothe, running my fingers down his cheek as I pull him towards me. “I know.”
Then I kiss him.
The kiss is different from before. It’s heavy with a sort of desperation that comes when you’re trying to chase away sadness that you know you’ll never really heal from.
I wrap my arms around his shoulders when he lays me back, covering my body with his own. His hands are hot as they trail down my body, mapping the curves that have developed since last time he touched me.
I gasp when he slowly thrusts into me, filling me up one delicious inch at a time. There’s no preamble. Just deep thrusts that take my breath away with each snap of his hips.
His kisses are endless. His sweet words whisper over me while his body pleads with mine for forgiveness. I moan against his lips when he grabs the inside of my thigh, hiking it higher up on his body, hitting me deeper and deeper.
