Page 16 of The Sanguine Selection
The full moon!
Shit!
My entire life Papa has stressed the importance of taking my tonic on the night of the full moon, that if I didn’t something terrible could happen to my body. A skitter of fear runs through me wondering what it could be. Will I become something other than I am now? Break out in painful boils or cramp up with a belly ache? Will I not recognize myself, transform into somethinginhuman, like Papa? Then another thought runs through my mind—that perhaps he has a tonic too that he didn’t take and that’s why he’s ill. Maybe it's not his wound which made him sick after all but some horrible illness kept at bay by another tonic, one he kept hidden from me so I wouldn’t worry.
Papa and his secrets…
In his stubbornness, he never learned to trust me, to confide in me, only kept me at arm’s length.It’s for your protection, he’d say. What about now, Papa? Who's going to help me save you when I don’t even know what it is you need saving from?
Fear and anger war within me as I push off from the tree and continue my trek, slower this time, quieter. I know I’m not alone out here, reminded by the spine chilling howling that comes in waves, and the absence of crows squawking, demanding I leave their part of the woods alone.
But I’m not alone, not anymore.
A blackened silhouette lumbers in the distance, a dog perhaps or a fox? I can’t be too sure having only seen such animals in the few children's books Mama had bought me as a young child. The depictions weren’t exactly life-like, the dog had thick glasses and the fox wore a bonnet and drank tea ever so delicately. This animal looks nothing like those, even from afar its outline is larger, harrier. And when it lifts its snout to the night’s sky and belts out a howl, I’m more sure than ever—this is a creature arising from hell itself.
The tiny hairs along my body raise and I swallow hard, trying to make myself as small as possible, moving away from the creature. I just pray it doesn’t hear me. Not five minutes later, my toes numb, ears and nose frozen, I see the darkened homes again.
I survey the other houses, just as stark and crumbling as my own. It doesn’t look like anyone is home, but I know otherwise. Extinguished candles and closed doors be damned, someone is going to help me—has to help me. Teeth clenched, I push my legs harder, letting the cool air whip across my face, blonde hair billowing behind me as I dash along the streets in my quest. I must help Papa. There has to be someone who can save him.
A surge of energy races through me and I begin to scream. “Help! Help me, please!” I trip on something hard buried below the thick snow, my bare hands burning as they plunge into the frozen flakes to stop my fall. I right myself, brushing the snow from my jacket and shaking it from my hands, clenching them into fists for any semblance of warmth. I glance between the shabby homes, still devoid of life, hope shattering. “My Father is dying! Help me! Please!”
Silence answers my plea, an old friend or a fervent enemy I cannot tell. Nor do I have time to ponder as I hike through the knee-deep snow to the first house on my left. Not much larger than my own, the log home is in poor shape. A large crack runs through the front window, and several roofing blades are scattered in the snow, recently blown off by the last storm perhaps. Stacked against the side is a dwindling pile of chopped wood for fire. Even with the little knowledge I do have, it’s easy to see this will not get them through the winter, not by half.
I step up to the door, glancing behind myself to ensure I’ve not been followed, my breath fanning out like fog as it expels from my lungs. It’s so bitter cold, and the frozen breeze feels like needles stabbing into the exposed skin of my hands and face. Papa’s coat and Mama’s dress keep most of me warm but I’m quickly losing feeling in my fingers and toes.
“Help!” I call, as I rasp three times on the door. “Help! Is anyone there? My father is sick. I need medicine, please!”
I wait only seconds before hiking to the next house, ignoring the looming wooden structure to my right as it creaks and groans in the wind. A tendril of smoke whispers from the chimney here, surely someone will answer.
Drum…
My heart stumbles in my chest, anxiety ramping up with another boom of the ominous sound. I crash my fist against the door. “I need help! Dammit, please!” Frustration has tears forming in my eyes that freeze on my cheeks as they tumble down my face.
Will no one help me?
I belt out a defeated sob as I move on to the third house, screaming at the top of my lungs now. Desperation has clouded my mind, drowned my use of caution as thoughts of losing Papa compound inside my head. Maybe everything Papa said was true, that this world is a treacherous place, and the only ones we can depend on are each other.
But who am I to depend on now?
Stuck in the bitter cold, alone in the vastness of the dark sky and the shadow of the full moon, I turn away from the door and hug myself. Snow falls quickly now, thick flakes stick to my eyelashes and freeze in my hair.
Even though I know it’s useless, I step up to the final two houses. No one answers my incessant knocking, no one comes to my aid as I beg and plead for help.
I’ve failed him.
After all he’s done for me, protecting me for the past twenty years by himself, and I can’t even accomplish this one thing, one task to repay him for taking care of me. And my failure will result in his death. A death I’m responsible for because I can’t help him. Because I’m not strong enough.
Defeated, I step away from the houses to the wooden tower, glancing up towards the top. Should I climb to the top and test fate, leap from the farthest beam and tempt death to take me? I don’t want to exist without Papa, can’t survive in this world all alone. I mean…what do I have? I have nothing. Not a coin. Not family. Nothing of value aside from Mama’s necklace which I would never part with anyway. I’d rather die than sell it.
And perhaps that’s just what I’ll do—die clutching the closest thing to family I have left. I place the necklace over my head, tucking it safely inside my dress, and curl my frozen fingers around the lowest beam, searching for any strength left to climb. My grip slips when I attempt to pull myself up, completely numb from exposure.
When did I become so useless, so damn incapable?
I curse the gods and stagger backward, sinking to my knees in defeat. I hang my head, my frozen hands pressed against my face as sorrow sucks the air from my lungs. Tears fall freely now, such a desperate feeling of isolation unlike anything I’ve ever known. It’s one thing to feel alone in the hours Papa leaves on a hunt. But this…to realize how insignificant I am, to know when I inhale my final breath, my heart ceasing to beat, no one will care. No one will know. The world will go on as if I had never existed at all.
“What’s a little thing like you doing out in the clutches of a cold, winter’s night, hmm?”
A dark, rumbling voice behind me breaks the silence, and I gasp, freezing in place, eyes flying wide open. Something tugs on a strand of my hair and presses against my back. A hard yank on my hair has me lurching to my feet as I turn to face, well, I’m not sure what he is.
