Page 27 of The Sanguine Selection
Dying…
Maybe Papa was contagious, his sickness running havoc through my veins, turning my body into something other—something inhuman.
Sure I’ll never find rest here in this place of false freedom, in this elegant prison, I grip Mom’s necklace tightly in my hands and let the tears fall freely.
I’m so tired of faking I’m okay when I’m not. So tired of pretending to be brave when I’m so broken and scared.
I’m so tired…
My eyes close and sleep takes me…
But my nightmare is only beginning.
13
Oxana
I wake up with a start,disoriented and soaked in sweat. The room is dimly lit by the faint glow of the dying fire, casting eerie shadows on the walls. The excruciating pain that plagued me before my slumber lingers like a haunting memory. I clutch my abdomen, trying to steady my breathing.
Where am I?
The realization comes crashing back – I'm in Sintara, trapped in this opulent prison with no way out. The cozy room feels like a mockery, a gilded cage meant to deceive. A glance at the door reveals it’s too far away for me to even see if it’s locked.
Panic grips me as the agony within rises up like a surging storm. My mind scrambles to recall everything that’s happened, but my thoughts are a jumbled mess made hazy by the tempest raging inside of me.
My fingers instinctively reach for my mother’s necklace as a source of comfort. The pendant rests hidden beneath my dress, nestled against my skin. It's the only tangible connection to my past, my family, my home. I clutch at it, wishing this was all a dream.
Another wave of pain ripples through me, my body feeling like it's betraying me, twisting and contorting the very bones and muscle that formed me. Desperation takes hold, and I curl into a fetal position.
Screaming in anguish, the sound is a raw roar of pure suffering that echoes around the room. The door suddenly crashes open, and I freeze, barely twisting my head to peek past my pain and fear of who it might be.
It's not the guards or the servant from before, but Jasper. His face appears expressionless, but a flicker of concern flairs in his gaze when he takes in my trembling form. The entirety of the bed shakes under the weight of my shivering.
“Are you cold?”
“N-n-no,” I bite out past the torment.
“What’s wrong?”
“I…don’t know. This pain—it's too much. It feels like I'm being torn apart from the inside."
Jasper steps closer, peering down at me, and sniffs. He fucking sniffs, as if my pain were a scent in the air. His eyes widen. "I know it's unbearable, but you're stronger than you think. You must carry on—for their sake."
Once more, the eviscerating sting slices through my stomach, blotting out Jasper’s cryptic words. My back bows off the bed, and I swear that my insides are being shredded. I wrap an arm around my midsection, unconsciously rocking, desperate for any relief. Sorrow fills me when I conclude that’s the only rational explanation for the source of such pain.
“I’m dying, aren’t I? My father, he… he always had me take a tonic before the full moon, but I wasn’t able to this time.”
The strange man shakes his head. “No, you’re not dying.”
The familiar horror returns because if I’m not dying, then… “Oh God, I’m becoming a monster.”
My companion heaves a sigh. “What is a monster, Oxana? Is it defined by its appearance, or its actions? Or is it something more complex, something hidden beneath the surface, waiting to be understood after centuries of being misjudged?"
His words hang in the air, a profound question that lingers in the midst of my suffering. Part of me rebels at his enigmatic questions, the pain overwhelming everything. I know he’s trying to tell me something but I don't understand why he simply doesn’t say what he means.
I shift, turning over to face him to ask, but Jasper leans forward to trace the edge of my pendant, staring as if all my answers are within it. Before I can react, he takes my mother’s ankh from around my neck, lifting it into the air until the moonlight glints off the surface.
The man cradles it in his hands, and then, with a careful twist, Jasper reveals the dagger hidden within. My eyes widen in astonishment as the tiny blade flashes with an otherworldly sheen. I gasp, dazed by the realization that he knew it was there all along.
