Page 59 of Broken Melody
She nods. “I’ve been so caught up in everything that I didn’t know what day it is. I was writing a check for my rent to give to Britt, and looked at my phone for the date and when I saw it, realization slammed into me.”
“Is it the day your parents died?” I ask guessing at what could be causing her so much pain.
“No,” she whispers. “Today is my son’s birthday.”
“You’re son?” I ask feeling confused.
She nods. “Yes. Five years ago, today, my son was born. And I gave him up for adoption.” She chokes the words out and tears fall down her face once more in streams. “Please don’t think I’m horrible. There were…reasons, and I wasn’t able to take care of him. And even though it’s been five years, it doesn’t get any easier.”
I roll over and capture her body in between my arms. I use my thumbs to wipe the tears away and kiss her cheeks. “I would never think bad of you for such a thing. Never.”
“I’m not a bad person,” she says and it’s as if she needs me to reassure her that it’s true. So I do.
“Of course you’re not.”
“I loved him. How could I not?” She smiles, “He was beautiful, and it’s because I loved him that I let him go. I had to make sure he had a better life than I could provide on my own. But even knowing that, I still struggle with guilt.”
“It takes an incredible amount of bravery and love to be able to realize that you can’t provide for your child the way you want to. To want a better life for him than you feel you’re capable of providing. To love him enough to let go. Don’t doubt for a second that you’re brave, that you’re kind, that you’re worthy of everything good in this life that happens to you because you didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t doubt that for a second.”
“Thank you,” she whispers. “That’s why, I just couldn’t bear rehearsal today. When I realized, I couldn’t even move. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. And someday, if and when you want to, I’m here to talk about it, okay?”
“Okay,” she replies staring into my eyes. I lean forward and give her a soft kiss on her mouth. Then I roll over on to my back, and pull her onto my chest right over my heart. I run my fingers through her hair softly.
“Sailor?”
“Yes?” she asks with sleepiness filling her tone.
“Will you go on a date with me? Tomorrow?”
I’m sure I feel her smile against my chest. “Yes,” she replies and I smile too. I continue to hold her long after her breathing deepens and she falls asleep.
