Page 34 of Perfect Tragedy
“Do you want to know what I’m feeling and thinking or not?” I snap.
Their brows both raise in unison at my tone and they smartly keep quiet.
“I don’t know why or how you could possibly have thought that one month would have been enough time for me to come to terms with this. It’s not like it’s something you’ve talked about over the years. It feels like it came out of left field.” I pause again because I don’t want emotions to overwhelm me and make me unable to say what I want to say.
“I’m hurt because you didn’t involve me in your decision, not because I would change your mind, but because this ishuge. And I feel stupid because I’m hurt that for the first time you didn’t include me in a decision about something that’s so big… so monumental.”
Pausing, I take a deep breath.
“Sienna,” Blake tries to interject.
“No. I’m not done.” He nods and Jack’s teeth clench so hard I can see the muscles protrude in his jaw.
“I guess I need to get used to that anyway, right? Not being included in things,” I laugh without humor. “I’m also thinking that I’m going to miss youso muchit physically hurts. It feels like I can’t breathe,” and the tears fall now. I’m helpless to stop them.
Blake and Jack both continue to look pained.
Blake runs his hand through his hair - again - and this time I almost lose it completely. It’s such a simple gesture, and one I’m going to miss seeing with all my heart.
“I’m wondering why this? Why is this the direction you decided to take?”
“Because-”
I don’t even know who spoke, I ignore them. “I’m scared. I’m so scared something will happen to you both, but I’m also so fucking proud of you too.” Their eyes widen at my language knowing I don’t use it often. “A choice like this can’t have come easy and I’m thinking that you’ve both always been my own personal heroes, now I’m just going to have to share you with the whole United States too.”
They can’t contain themselves anymore, they come to me and both wrap their arms around me. I try, I really try to hold it in, but I can’t.
I let go.
Big, deep, heartfelt sobs leave me. My legs give out and they ease me to the floor.
Yes, it’s been different these past years as we grew up and naturally grew apart in some ways, but that’s totally different than them not being here at all. At least with college we would have had Spring, Fall, Winter, and Summer break. Not going to happen now with the Army.
They each take turns holding on to me and letting me cry. They whisper words of compassion and comfort while rocking me back and forth.
I don’t know how much time passes, but eventually I pull away.
Wet spots are on each of their shirts and I should probably feel embarrassed, but I don’t.
“I came prepared,” Jack says and pulls a bundle of Kleenex from his pocket.
“You’re just now giving these to me?” I ask and yank them from his hands to sop up the wetness under my eyes and nose.
“Sorry, I forgot.”
“Sienna,” Blake says hesitantly, “We waited to tell you what we were considering and then what we decided until the school year was almost over because we didn’t want it to affect your year. We knew it would be hard, for all of us, and harder once you knew and we just wanted to enjoy the rest of the year with you without this hanging over our heads.”
“And as far as why, well there’s lots of reasons,” Jack says. “The state of the world makes us angry and instead of complaining about it, we want todosomething about it.”
What if they die? I try to shut down the thought immediately, but I can’t help it. I’m sure it has to be a worry anyone would have in this position. It’s impossible to not worry about their safety; their lives.
“If you both don’t mind, I’d like some time alone.”
“But-” Blake begins to protest.
“I need you to do this for me,” I say sternly standing.
They nod and stand as well. Jack steps to me and hugs me before heading down the ladder. Blake stares at me and I wish I knew what he was thinking. He reaches out a hand, my breath catches when he pushes my hair out of my face and behind my ear. “You’re one of my best friends.”
