Page 47 of Perfect Tragedy
Looking into his eyes, I see the sadness and pain there that I know I’ve caused, but I can’t find it in myself to care. The vast hole in my chest requires too much of my attention instead of focusing on any pain I may have caused him.
When Vanessa starts to drive forward, Blake calls my name again, walks with the car, and knocks on the window frantically.
I look away and doing so I swear I feel a sharp pain in my chest that has to be my heart breaking.
My eyes close and a tear rolls down my cheek as we drive away, Vanessa’s hand finds mine and squeezes.
I swear I hear him yell my name as we drive away.
Blake tries to email me several times after that day.
He tries to call a couple times too.
I shut down my email address, change my phone number and make Jack and my parents promise to never share any information about me with him or vice versa.
I know that as painful as it is, it’s what I need.
Jack questions me like crazy, but I don’t give him anything until a couple years later when he’s home and we’re drunk and it all comes spilling out. How I felt, how I hurt, and why I needed to let go. He nodded, squeezed my hand and we never spoke of it again. I have no clue if he even remembers the conversation, but I think the pain in my voice and eyes was sobering enough for the both of us. Not sure he can forget it even if he wanted to.
There were times over the years I missed Blake desperately or wondered if I’d done the right thing. I never spoke to him again and sometimes the pain of missing him felt unbearable, but over time it became easier. Whenever the hurt became too much, I reminded myself the pain that came with hanging on - and it was far worse.
I let the memory of him become an echo that became softer and softer with time.
10
Seven Years Later
“I’m so sorry that happened Ms. Campbell, but it’s definitely a risk of treatment. That’s why it’s listed in the consent form you signed. It should clear up in a day or two, but if it gets worse give us a call, right away, okay?”
“Thank you, I’m just really concerned about this, dear. I’ll keep an eye on it.”
“Alright, you take care now,” I wave as she walks out the door then turn to my business assistant. “Let’s follow up with her in a couple days and make sure she’s okay, alright?”
“No problem,” Tracie nods.
“It’s literally the size of the point of a pen,” I shake my head. “I had to almost squint to see it,” I shake my head at the patient worried about a small burn she received on her gums from the teeth bleaching she received.
“I feel really bad, I took all the necessary precautions,” my hygienist Kerry worries.
“I know you did, it’s ok. That can happen, it’s why its in the consent form. We’ll follow up like I said and I’m sure she’ll appreciate that. Don’t worry about it.”
Returning to my office I pull up my email and take a look at all the emails that managed to come in while I was speaking to the patient and observing patient care around the office.
Saying my life hasn’t exactly gone the way I expected is an understatement. There are times when that makes me sad, but other times I know that doors had to close for others to open. My job being one of them.
A couple years into my college education we lost my mom to a sudden heart attack. It was heart-wrenching and her loss will never be something I recuperate totally from. When she passed, Jack could only take a short leave. He arrived only a day ahead of her services. He helped with final preparations and then assisted with chores and taking care of some things at the house that dad had clearly not had time to manage. Moreover, it was clear that dad needed… someone.
I knew it needed to be me.
Against his wishes, I dropped out of college and moved back home for a little while to help him manage the house, the animals and the field. He just needed someone to get him through and help make some difficult decisions.
A couple years after that it was past time for me to get my own place and my own job. My dad paid me for my help, but I was way past needing to be on my own.
Our local dental office, Mason Creek Dental, was looking for an assistant and I applied. The manager at the time, Theresa, hired me during our interview and thus began a new and unexpected career in dentistry. It was slow going and at times I wondered what I was thinking and if I was in over my head, but each week and month it became easier and easier. Before I knew it, five years later I was promoted to Practice Manager when Theresa was promoted herself.
My career may have been unexpected, but I love it and at times felt like it was made for me. Customer service and managing our team comes easy to me, maybe it’s because I feel like I’m genuinely helping - that I have something to offer in helping people whether it’s in ensuring they receive the best possible service and care or assisting and encouraging others in reaching their optimal potential. It’s rewarding and challenging in the best way.
The practice is successful, I have a great team and it’s an honor and privilege to work there each day. I still help my dad as needed, but he’s doing great and has his own help with anything he needs; he doesn’t really need me as much as before. He still misses my mom a lot, but he’s done well for himself over the years. He’s even dating again.
