Page 54 of Perfect Tragedy
“He did not.”
“Yes he did. There were times I thought for sure he was going to ignore everything we ever talked about and do what he wanted. I told him that we wouldn’t be friends anymore, that I would tell mom and dad that he wasn’t welcome at our house any longer and that I was unequivocally not okay with anything between you.”
“I don’t understand why you would do that. You had no right.”
He shrugs, “I know. I’m sorry. I was protective of you. I was worried about him, About you. About me – maybe mostly me. I couldn’t imaging losing my best friend over my sister. And I wasn’t mature enough to deal with the idea of my best friend and sister together.”
“He was my best friend too. You both were.”
“I know. But he was dealing with a lot because of the situation with his family - his dad leaving, his mom drinking - I didn’t want you caught up in the mess those things created within him.”
“That wasn’t your choice.”
“I knew he would listen because you, me, our family… we were the refuge he needed when things were hard in his own home. He didn’t want to mess that up with you, with our parents.”
“Jack…”
He ignores me. It’s like now that he’s uncorked the bottle he can’t stop the flow, “When I knew we had made the decision to join the Army it only affirmed my feelings further. Clearly, I knew the kind of commitment we were making and in turn what it would take from anyone that would choose to be in a relationship with us through that. You’d have to live your life on hold while you got moments in time to spend with someone you love – and then not at your request, but when they’re given permission. Availability would be infrequent and that’s no life for anyone. Certainly not for my sister.”
“Again, that’s not a choice you had the right to make for people, Jack. Not for me, Not for Blake. I would have gladly done that. But instead I thought he didn’t feel the same way. My heart was broken over and over and over again.”
“I’m sorry for the pain you’ve been through. I had a hand in that. I’ve wanted to tell you many times. To confess my role. To apologize. But I wanted to do so in person. That’s one of the reasons I kept asking you to visit. And then I’d repeatedly justify it…I justified it so long by telling myself my heart was in the right place for both of you, but I know I was merely being selfish.”
“I wish you had confessed. In fact, you should have. Also, why do I get the feeling that with the passionate way you talk about the sacrifice someone would have to make… that you had someone that would have been willing to do that for you too?”
He grins and the sight is heartbreaking because of the revealing look on his face, “You’ve always been a smart one.”
“Oh, Jack.”
“Look, I’m fine, I’ll always be fine, but I can see in your eyes when you look at him that you’re still hurting.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Doesn’t it?”
“No, but thank you for telling me the truth. A lot of things from the past make sense now.” He nods and places his arm around me squeezing. And despite the fact that I may regret it, I plunge forward. “Whatever happened with Hailey and Blake?” I ask bravely even though the thought of the two of them makes my chest squeeze.
“It’s not my story to tell, Sienna.”
“Did they… did they have a girl or a boy?”
He hesitates and looks at me and flinches when he sees the look on my face. I’m unguarded, my feelings about that situation plain on my face and in my eyes. “A girl,” he says but there’s more to the story and I can see that on his face.
Not yet done, I ask one more question on my mind, “Why does Blake walk with a limp?”
He cringes and shakes his head, “Again, not my story to tell.”
“Well, it seems that Blake and I have some catching up to do.”
“That you do,” Jack says and we both stand. “I love you, Sienna. Everything I did, it’s because of that. But I realize I could have loved you better.”
“Please, never make decisions for me again.” I try to say it lightly, though the ramifications of his behavior still are overwhelming and crowd my mind. “I don’t think either of us could take the fallout. And I have no doubt you’d never like that favor returned.”
“Promise. And again, I am truly sorry.”
Turning toward the back door that opens to the backyard where Blake escaped earlier, I make my way knowing I never saw him come inside. It seems it’s past time for my past and present to collide whether I like it or not.
Opening the door, I step outside and pause when I see him standing facing some wild flowers in desperate need of taming. His back stiffens when he realizes his private moment has been violated.
