Page 58 of Perfect Tragedy
“I’m sure it was hard knowing she was in that state and you were so far away.”
“I’m not talking about her, Sienna, not entirely. Yes, those are emotions I felt when she told me she was pregnant, but mostly it’s how I felt in regards to telling you. To you finding out. Shock was the situation, yes. But I felt disbelief that I had just said all of that to you, that you had just called yourself mine, and I knew it would all disappear because of one evening. I felt shame that I allowed myself to be in the position to begin with. Fear that I’d lose you all together and worry over how you’d react when you found out. My whole world, it didn’t revolve around Hailey and the position she found herself in because of our actions, but it circled around what it would do to you. To the us that never even got to begin.”
“That’s why you didn’t respond for a week and when you did…”
“When I did I told you that I never should have sent it. By that time guilt set in. Guilt that my first thoughts were of you and us and not about the baby. I had to be responsible - do the right thing for that child.”
“The baby…”
“I was due for some time off and I took it, knowing I had shit to straighten out and it happened to coincide with your graduation which I wanted to attend more than anything. I needed to see you. Even if it was from afar. I never meant for you to find out that way - I initially told Jack I didn’t want you to know I was there, but he insisted that he tell you that he sent me in his place. Well, you know how the rest of all that went.”
“I do,” I say quietly. He turns to look at me, sees the pain in my eyes and immediately takes my hand in his and squeezes it. “What happened next? You said you know about my life but I don’t know about yours. What happened with you and Hailey? Do you see your daughter?”
“Hailey lied,” he says quietly and at first I’m not sure I heard correctly.
“Lied?” I repeat confused.
“I moved her out to the base where I was stationed in California. She stayed with me and it was tough for a while. Military life isn’t easy and it was no secret that I was only with her because of the baby. We didn’t get along, she had a difficult time making friends and it certainly wasn’t the glamorous life she was expecting - I don’t knowwhat she was expecting really. All I did was try to make the best of it. I took the best care of her I could.”
“I’m sure you did,” I tell him feeling as if I should reassure him that I wouldn’t expect he’d ever do anything less.
“She knew though. Knew I missed you with everything I had,” he turns to me. The look in his eyes freezes me. This time I squeeze his hand and he smiles a little.
“I missed you too. If that counts for anything.”
He nods, but doesn’t respond to that. Instead he reaches behind him and pulls out his wallet from his back pocket. I look on curiously and then grin when he pulls out a photo of the two of us.
“Oh my gosh, where did you get that?”
It’s a picture from the night of prom. One my mom took of Jack, Blake and me. I’m laughing at something and looking up at Blake and he’s looking at me too. Jack has been folded to the side - the focus on Blake and me.
“Your mom sent it to me.”
“My mom?” I ask softly, tears stinging the back of my throat as my eyes swing from his to the photo.
“It came in a care package she sent once.”
“That night was one of the best of my life,” I confess.
“One night, Hailey found me looking at this. Well, at a copy of this - I had to request another because she destroyed the first. She was angry, accused me of wanting to be with you and not her and of course she was right, but I couldn’t tell her that. I calmed her down and we made the best of things, but then I received orders to Afghanistan. Hailey was only five months pregnant at the time and she didn’t take the news of my leaving well. But obviously I had no choice.”
“Afghanistan, that’s what you meant when you said you’ve seen things you can’t unsee.”
He nods, “I can’t even really explain the mess it is over there. They sent us to help keep the peace, and we did the best we could.”
“I’ve read about it. I’ve tried to keep a pulse on all of our dealings with other countries since you and Jack joined. I read about the critical level of kidnappings, hostage taking, landmines and terrorist and insurgent attacks there.”
Now I know for a fact that he may be here with me, but part of him is definitely elsewhere. “It’s not even describable. I was only there for six months, but it was the longest six months of my life.”
“Six months? So you missed the birth of your daughter?”
“I was supposed to be there longer, but things didn’t go according to plan.” I look at him curiously, waiting for him to explain. “We were sent into a town to check things out. There had been murmurings of covert meetings of terrorists and they wanted us to try to push out any cells. I remember getting ready to knock on the door of a house and a little child - a girl - ran up to some guys in my unit asking for help. She was saying something I couldn’t understand, talking so fast and pointing behind her. I don’t know what tipped me off, how I suddenly knew what I was seeing, but it didn’t matter. I was too late.”
“What do you mean?”
His eyes look deeply into mine and the sight takes my breath away - they’re haunted by the memories he’s reliving. I almost want to tell him to stop because it’s clear they’re bringing him pain. I reach out and touch the part of his leg that’s closest to me, and freeze.
He freezes too. Emotions, too many to count, cross over his features. “The child,” he continues softly, “was a decoy. She was wearing a bomb strapped to her chest. I called out,” his voice sounds raspy now, like the words he’s saying are scraping out of his throat against their will. “But it was too late. I just remember a flash of white. Searing pain.”
