Page 9 of Perfect Tragedy
“Don’t even let us see you looking her way,” Blake adds.
“Understood?” Jack asks.
“Y-yes,” he nods jerkily.
“That goes for when we’re not here too. Don’t think for one second that we don’t know what goes on when we’re not here. Even when we don’t go to this school anymore, we’ll still know what happens, and we will be here, and we will find you if needed. It would be in your best interest to remember that,” Blake adds, his voice full of venom.
Jack pushes Justin away from him after Blake speaks and Justin scrambles away as fast as possible. “Are you sure you’re okay?” my brother asks.
“Yeah. Thanks.” Turning to Vanessa I smile, “Thank you as well. For everything you did today.”
“You don’t have to thank me.”
Jack and Blake start walking toward the waiting bus, “Come on, Si,” Blake calls stopping to wait for me when he sees I’m not immediately following.
“Okay, I’m coming.”
I’m stopped in my pursuit by Vanessa’s hand on my arm. “Hang out tomorrow too?”
A smile moves over my face like a flower blooming in the sun. “Yeah. I’d like that.”
Vanessa and I became almost inseparable after that day. It made the eventual graduation of Blake and Jack into high school easier to handle knowing I wouldn’t be alone.
There was also joy in the fact that Vanessa was my friend, for me. It had nothing to do with who my brother and his best friend were. Junior high finally started to not suck after that day.
3
The Valentine’s Day cards sitting on my desk mock me. I thought the little cards stating "I’m A Sucker For You” would be cute to pass out to my friends with a lollipop. It’s my favorite candy, I almost always have one. Blake teases me about my love for them. One time he took mine out of my mouth and popped it into his own and I almost had an aneurysm. Now a freshman in high school, my major crush on him hasn’t let up - if anything it’s only worse.
The smile gracing my mouth over that lollipop memory falls off my face in degrees knowing it’s silly of me to even let my mind wander to wild or not so wild fantasies. Thinking about it is a certain kind of emotional suicide because my hopes and dreams simply die when my thoughts go to that place. Without a doubt I know that there’s no point in fixating, let alone expanding, on my feelings for Blake Walker so I have no idea why my heart continues to betray my mind.
With a sigh I roll over in my bed turning away from the Valentine’s on my desk, not wanting to think any more about what my friends have dubbed, ‘love day’. Besides, I have plenty of other things to do today. Homework, laundry, a book I’m in the middle of reading - all more productive than the wallowing I’ve been caught up in.
Unrequited crushes suck, big time.
I’ve got it so bad for Blake that sometimes it’s all I can think about. The feelings twist my stomach, wrench my heart, and frequently leave me breathless. Occasionally it causes me to wonder that if a crush can leave me feeling this way, what will it be like to fall in love? I’m not really sure if I ever want to fall in love because a simple crush is enough to drive me crazy.
My best friend, Vanessa, is the only one that knows about my feelings - although if I’m honest I think my mom may suspect too even though I’ve never said anything directly to her about it. I do remember the day I confessed my feelings to Vanessa though. I was so nervous, thinking I was divulging a huge secret - and I was as far as I was concerned - but Vanessa laughed. And laughed. Really it was quite rude how long she carried on about it. She told me that she had always known and thought it was funny I actually thought it wasn’t as obvious as the nose on my face, or some silly expression like that. It resulted in my totally freaking out, afraid that if she knew then others and Blake had to know too. She assured me that if others suspected, they didn’t say gossip about it and that boys aren’t nearly as perceptive as girls. I gladly took her word because the thought of anything different was too much to bear.
Thank goodness for Vanessa and her friendship. Life before her was simply boring. She’s the only reason that life didn’t completely suck when Blake and Jack moved on to high school. Their absence was sharply felt, but I know it would have been far worse without her. Thankfully I never ran into any trouble without them there to come to my defense. The previous bullies seemed to remember Jack and Blake’s threats all too well and knew bothering me wasn’t worth their ire. And otherwise I just seemed to fade into the woodwork and stay under the radar.
The day I finished my last day of eighth grade I dreamed about setting foot in Mason Creek High. I couldn’t wait to be in the same school as my brother and Blake again and to finally feel like I was a regular part of their lives again. Being in separate schools put distance between us that felt like a vast uncrossable canyon. I felt so on the outside of everyday conversations. They’d refer to people and teachers, none of which I had any knowledge about and of course, since I was only in junior high, I wasn’t invited to any of their social or sporting events and activities. Well, I got to attend a few games they participated in, but merely as a spectator and typically sitting with my parents or Vanessa. Jack certainly didn’t want his little sister trailing along. It sucked.
My first day in high school was even better than I could have ever anticipated. It seemed as soon as I stepped foot onto campus I was instantly popular. Classmates and teachers alike knew who I was, and yeah, it was because I was Jack’s little sister and Blake’s friend. It was similar to middle school, but even more intense. Everyone either wanted to be friends with them, or simply be them. And why? Well, because they were exactly what every American boy dreams to be – a popular jock. The two of them were basically a football coach’s wet dream - they loved the game, were obsessed with working out and kicking ass - and they were realizing amazing results, winning game after game. They were our small town’s football heroes - sophomores already playing on the varsity team - and while I loved them to pieces, sometimes I hated it too. Until I managed to find my own way.
Joining the volleyball team sort of happened by accident. We played the game in gym class and I was surprisingly good at it. Our gym teacher also happened to be the coach and she asked me to try out which I did. I loved it, and joining the team helped me establish my own group of friends and reputation in school as a good student and athlete in my own right. The best thing is that they really didn’t care about my brother or Blake. Maybe because my teammates are just lowly freshman like me, but regardless Vanessa is really my only trusted friend in the bunch. She never misses a game and has been my biggest support in more ways than one.
Admittedly, I expected Jack and Blake would likely ignore me, too involved in their own friends, the girls that seemed to trail after them like puppies, and football to give me much attention, but I was wrong. They made a point of making me part of their group. They hung out at my locker sometimes, stopped into my class before or after to talk, and sometimes even came and sat down with me at lunch until I’d make them leave me and my friends alone.
Sitting up with a sigh, I catch my reflection in the mirror over my dresser. My dark hair is in disarray and I run my hands through the thick waves trying to bring order. My large blue eyes follow the movements of my hands, trace the lines of my cheekbones and the fullness of my lips before I stare into them and admire my naturally thick lashes. Vanessa curses my luck and tries to emulate them with layer after layer of mascara. My eyes are my best feature I guess, but I hate how expressive they can be. Dad says I’m like my mom, you just have to look into them hard enough to know exactly what I’m thinking. I roll my eyes just thinking about it. My mom is beautiful and people say I look a lot like her, but I don’t think I’m attractive really and certainly wouldn’t call myself beautiful. I’m not unattractive by any means, and I’ve been asked out by a couple boys already, but I’ve turned them all down.
They aren’t the one I really wish would ask.
Gathering all my hair into one hand, I raise it to the top of my head and turn my face side to side before letting it all go. Watching it fall around my shoulders I admit to myself that it wouldn’t matter if I were the most beautiful girl in the world, Blake wouldn’t even notice. All I am, and all I’ll ever be to Blake is Jack’s little sister.
My phone begins ringing loudly and I jump at the loud sound in my quiet room. Snatching it off my bedside table, surprise raises my brows when I see Blake’s name and photo on the screen.
After clearing my throat, I answer, “Hey, Blake. What’s up?”
