Page 24 of Perfect Date
“I’m fine. You were just on my mind and I thought I’d give you a call to see what you’re up to tonight?”
“I’m actually sitting in a restaurant getting ready for another date.”
“Another one? Wow honey, I’m impressed with your bravery,” she chuckles and I can’t help but join her. Hearing her laugh when I told her the stories about the other two dates almost made the humiliation worth it.
“Yeah well, you shouldn’t be surprised. You raised me and you’re the bravest person I know.”
“Aw, honey. I miss you.”
“I miss you too, mom. In fact, I was just saying that I need to plan a trip home soon.”
“I think that’s a great idea and I’d like that very much, but only when you can afford to take a break from work. I know it will be hard since you haven’t been there long.”
“I’m sure I can work in a long weekend.”
“I’d like that, but again, only when the time is right. Besides, everything is fine here, I’m doing fine, you don’t need to worry about me or feel like you have to get home to spend time with me.”
“Did you ever consider maybe it’s me that needs the time with you?”
“Oh, well. Okay. I just don’t want you to think I expect anything. I know you’re establishing yourself there and I’m doing just fine. I promise.”
“I didn’t doubt it for a second. How’s Lisa?” I ask her about her best friend knowing the two of them have been friends for years and spend a lot of time together.
“Oh, she’s fine. She’s hosting bunco at her house tomorrow. Should be a good time.”
“That’s good,” I sigh feeling homesick.
“What’s wrong, honey?” She asks me. How does a mom always know when things aren’t completely on the up and up? It’s uncanny. I imagine that when we’re in the womb, there must be something that grows between mother and child that once born makes the mother constantly have a sixth sense about their child. Whether they’re up to mischief, or just feeling sad, a mom knows. It’s crazy, yet completely amazing at the same time.
“I just wonder what the hell I’m doing, mom. I mean, what if Drew was my person and I had my chance and every guy I date is just going to be a dud?”
“Okay well first of all, Drew is an asshole.”
“Mom!” I say in surprise. It’s silly but she doesn’t curse often, so when she does it certainly gets my attention or creates an impact as if that’s what she’s going for.
“Tell me I’m wrong,” she says sassily.
“I can’t.”
“Exactly. Look, first of all, you’re young and this kind of talk is a little crazy to be having, but I’m not trying to blow off your fears either because I know where they stem from.”
That she does. I discovered when Drew and I broke up that I internalized a lot of it and felt like there was something wrong with me. That maybe I’m unlovable - my own father didn’t even want me. Drew no longer wanted me. It’s silly and logically I know that, but it’s still an insecurity nevertheless and I’m doing my best to work through those feelings. My mom knows about my fears because I shared them with her.
“I know it’s dumb…”
“It’s not dumb,” she admonishes. “But what have I always told you?”
“That God has a plan for me.”
“That’s right,” she says softly. “You go on, and you live your life, and you rest assured in the fact that God’s got this. Whatever His plan is for you, be confident that your creator has this. And, when you struggle, when you forget that, you just call me and I’ll remind you.”
“Thanks, mom.”
My mom has a strong relationship with God. Honestly, I think it’s what has gotten her through a lot of tough times over the years and it’s something she never wavers in. I envy it. I try to emulate it, but I’m not personally on her level. At least not yet. But I suppose if she’s right, and God does have a plan for me, then my relationship with Him is part of that, right?
“I love you, honey. Now, I’m going to let you go. You give me a ring on Sunday afternoon if you have time and tell me all about this date of yours. If the last two have been any indication, you’ll have a story to tell.”
“Oh man, I hope not. I hope it’s boring and there’s nothing to report.”
