Page 29 of Last First Love
"Ken, do you need to sit down? You've gone all green in the face." She eases me toward one of her kitchen chairs, but the very thought of trying to put my injured parts on a wooden seat right now has me flinching.
She hums. "Do you need to go to the hospital or something?"
A shocked laugh breaks out of me. "Definitely not."
"What if I called the paramedics? Maybe they could put a bandage or some cream or something on your grundle."
I freeze and look up from where I've been cradling my singed bits and pieces. "Lily. Please tell me you did not refer to my precious family jewels as a grundle."
She frowns at my tone. "Isn't that the word? I could have sworn that's what Darcy called it earlier. Or was that K.T.?"
I'm briefly afraid that if I laugh much harder, I might end up needing an ambulance after all. And with my luck, it will almost certainly be Lily's hyper-protective-probably-going-to-murder-me big brother Elliott who answers a call to her house. And then he'll finish the burning off of my poor, injured balls, all in the name of keeping his precious baby sister safe.
I sigh. At least the pain has abated, even if the glitter hasn't. When I pull my hands away from the injury site, they're covered in glitter too. It's freaking everywhere now, especially because I've been holding some melting ice cubes on my tender bits, and as they've been melting, they're apparently making a kind of glitter soup all over my hands.
"I'm so sorry Ken. I'm really bad at this stuff." She takes one of my goopy, glittery hands and squeezes it in her own, then presses a kiss to the knuckles.
"It's not you. It's definitely me." I shake my head. "Do you think I can get the ice pack to go?"
Her eyes go soft and sad and more than a little hurt. But I've definitely made a complete ass out of myself for the night and I better get out of here and get home before I end up burning anything else.
"Okay," she says quietly, then goes about the small task of filling up a little bag with ice cubes for me to hold on my injuries during the long ride home.
I was absolutely certain I could give Lily a night she wasn't going to forget. I guess I did, but this was definitely not what I had in mind.
And maybe I still didn't seal the deal with her, but I can still work with this. Definitely. I just need to get my mighty man power healed before I try for the real thing with her.
But I still believe in myself. I'm definitely going to make this happen with her. Even after having injured my precious Little Daniels, I'm betting on myself for this round.
Lily
Iprefer to think of it as Daniels taking a time out to attend to a sports related injury as opposed to him running for the hills because of a ball-burning comedy of errors. But I guess both of these versions are correct when you come right down to it.
That's how I end up at Riddles with a beer in front of me, having already called Darcy and asking her to come by for another meeting of Girl Club.
K.T. actually closes the bar for this meeting, which is how I know it's serious. Well, as serious as a man lighting his own testicles on fire with a series of votive candles can be.
"Okay, spill it. I know Daniels is on medical leave right now, and there's something super hinky going on because the doctor's note came from some friend of his who's a gynecologist. So definitely not someone he's actually seeing for an actual medical issue." She rolls her eyes so hard it probably hurt.
K.T. cackles. "Only Daniels would get his doctor's excuse from a gynecologist. That's classic." She pops open three beers and sets them out for us. "I bet he doesn't even know his way around a vagina that's not made out of rubber and battery operated."
I flinch at her tone. "Well I'll have you know he most certainly does know his way around a vagina. At least a clitoris. Probably. We didn't quite get to that part before the flaming grundle emergency happened."
K.T. and Darcy both do an actual spit take of beer. You know, beer spraying out of their mouths all cartoon-y. I feel myself blushing at their response but I guess I did bring this on myself by talking so plainly about the terrible bathroom disaster.
Wait, is grundle even the right word? Or was it taint? I can't keep up with the slang terms for all the parts I've got or seen lately.
"So," Darcy says carefully after she cleans up the mess with a handful of napkins. "I take it that Daniels found some sort of meaningful way to ask you to give him a second chance."
K.T. snorts. "Sounds like it involved his bare dick and maybe her lady business, so I'm not sure meaningful is the right word here."
I ignore the snide commentary though because I really do need some advice. "Well, he came over to my house and set up a picnic. Like an entire darling picnic with a little table, and candle, and everything." A tiny smile teases at my lips at the recollection.
"Ooh, that's a good move." Darcy nods. "Tell me more."
"Well, he brought us tacos."
K.T. snorts again, louder. "She means tell us more about how Daniels ended up going from romantic picnic with you to medical leave. We don't need to hear about the tacos."
