Page 32 of Last First Love
K.T. throws a wet rag at Darcy's face. "Shut up. Reed is better than decent. He's a good man." She gets this look in her eyes that makes my stomach twist. I hope I don't look like that whenever I talk about Daniels. How embarrassing would that be.
Darcy leans over to grab the cloth and fling it back at K.T., but her aim is absolutely pathetic.
"Okay, enough. We've established that Darcy shouldn't go out for the department softball team and that K.T.'s future father-in-law is still an awful human being. Now can we please talk about what I'm going to do to get Daniels back at my place with his clothes off?"
They both look thoughtful for a few long, tense moments. Finally, Darcy says, "Nothing. You're not going to do anything to try to get Daniels back at your place."
K.T. nods. "That's right. You deserve better than what he has to offer. Trust me."
I shake my head and run my hand through the long strands of my hair. "You don't get it. I've liked him since forever. I was so close to finally reaching the promised land with him."
K.T.'s nose wrinkles up. "You make it sound like a religious experience."
Darcy cackles. "With the right man, I guess it is." Then she settles down and pats me on the hand. "No Lily. This is not about Daniels or trying to lure him back to your place. What you need is a boost of self-confidence. There's nothing more beautiful about a woman that when she knows she's gorgeous, and it's way past time for you to learn it."
I slouch down a little bit more. "That's fine for women like you. You're both beautiful and tough as hell and have guys throwing themselves at you left and right. But it doesn't work that way for someone my size." I take a deep breath, staving off the wave of hurt feelings that threatens to pull me under. "Do you know how many men have told me how pretty I'd be if I would just lose some weight?"
K.T. cracks her knuckles menacingly. "Let some asshole try that in front of me. I'd lay him on the ground so fast—"
I hold up a hand, holding off her further threats of violence against the nameless parade of men in my past. "Listen, that's really sweet, but it doesn't really work like that. I'm not waiting for someone to show up and save me even if that someone is you. I'm strong enough to save myself."
Darcy smacks me on the shoulder. "Damn girl. You're turning out to be the toughest one in Girl Club after all, despite your sweet, innocent exterior. No wonder Daniels wants to hop on you and ride you into next week."
I shake my head. "It's really not like that between us. There's a long standing friendship with some serious chemistry thrown in, at least on my side. Neither one of us wants a relationship. It's only a sex thing."
I pause because both of these women are giving me so much side eye right now that I'm about to crumble under the weight of their skepticism. "What?" I ask, giving them the best version of innocence I can under the circumstances.
K.T. shakes her head. "I said it earlier, but this time you need to listen. There is no such thing asonlya sex thing. You've already got feelings for this man, and I'm confident that he really likes you too."
Darcy nods. "Otherwise, why is he setting up a goddamned picnic on your front porch? That's a completely over the top thing to do, but it's also not a getting laid kind of move. It's a getting on your good side kind of move."
K.T. gives me a small smile. "Good side as in it seems like he really likes you. So why don't you call him? What have you got to lose?"
Ken
I've been trying to inspect the damage to my second favorite part of my body, but I can't really see what's going on in that vicinity. First of all, it's downright painful to manhandle my meat and potatoes the way that I normally do in acts of self-love and cancer prevention.
Secondly, I swear that glitter is longer lasting than anything I've ever applied to my body voluntarily. It's like the herpes of the bath world because I can't get rid of it. Every single time I think I've rinsed off enough that the glitter is finally gone, there's a flare-up of glitter in some fold or crevice somewhere and it starts all over again.
It's time to phone a friend.
Ordinarily, that friend would definitely be Elliott. He's seen all of my assets on various occasions, including that one epic pool party we attended as high school seniors where I actually let him shave my man parts on a dare. We were drunk and someone bet us a hundred dollars, and frankly, no regrets because I absolutely got laid because of showing off all my best assets that night during the epic public shaving.
But I can't call Elliott because if he finds out I lit my scrotum on fire while I was trying to seduce Lily, he'll end up shaving my eyebrows off and making me eat them. And that's the best possible outcome. The other possibilities involve me having my face beaten in by his big manly fists, me having my dick cut off by whatever sharp object he can find, and me being covered in tar and feathers and dragged out to courthouse square for a good old fashioned day in the pillory.
Okay, that last one probably wouldn't really happen but Elliott's middle name is overprotective. He's definitely not the right man for this particularly sensitive assignment. Espeically when the underlying cause of the johnson trauma is his hot as hell little baby sister. Big old nope on that one.
I could call Aaron, but I've already cashed in my monthly allotment of friend points with him. Besides, when I try calling him, the call goes straight to voicemail as if he has his phone off. Even though it's late and I know for a fact that he's supposed to be safe at home with the little tyrant of a daughter who runs his life.
That leaves me with only one reasonable choice.
"I need you to come over to my place and look at my balls." There's no need to act polite with Abernathy. He knows who he's dealing with.
There's a pause. Then the pause drags out so long that I look at the phone in my hand to make sure he hasn't hung up on me. "I'm sorry, but I could have sworn that you asked me to come over and look at your balls, Daniels. And while I appreciate the gesture, I'm getting married to Darcy."
I sigh, weary to my bones with him lording his relationship with the lieutenant over me. Like he's winning at life or something. Puh-lease. I know what a hot mess he was the entire time was he was chasing after his future bride. Hell, I'm like halfway responsible for their impending nuptials by the way I do the math. Time to remind him that he owes me.
"You wouldn't be getting married to Darcy if it weren't for me, so I figure you owe me as many awkward balls-related favors as I may request for the rest of our natural lives."
