Page 40 of Last First Love
The thought settles around me until it feels so very right. And I know that sooner or later we're going to have to deal with the issues with her brother, but for tonight at least, it's just the two of us.
And it's perfect.
Lily
"Let's talk." Not the way I'd planned on waking up this morning, but if it involves a big, hot wall of Ken Daniels beside me, so be it. I count it as a win, even if he's giving me some serious voice that's more likely than not brought on by spending the entire night worshipping my body with his tongue.
"No," I groan, rolling over and showing him my back. "Let's sleep for the next three days and then we can talk."
His lips start making their treacherous way along my spine and I shiver at the way he's kissing me, at how delicate I feel when we're together.
Because here's the thing. I know what I look like when I take my clothes off. I can tell you the precise location of every lump and bump and jiggle that doesn't belong. But when I have my clothes off and I'm being kissed by Ken Daniels, all those thoughts disappear into the wind like those little bits of dandelion fluff in a summer breeze. Leaving behind just me and just him, and none of that internal monologue spreading out inside me like poison.
He makes me feel beautiful. Even though he really sees me, and even now in the early morning light washing over us. Inside my head, I know that my hair is a tangle and my breath could probably knock over a goat, but I feel completely relaxed and at peace right now. And that's the first time I ever remember feeling that way.
"Okay, okay. You don't have to resort to kissing in order to get your way." His large rough hands sweep low, tracing the swerve of my hips and the little stretch marks that I know are right there along the small of my back. Then he cups my ass with both hands, giving it a squeeze. Almost as if it isn't too wide, a bit saggy, and a lot dimpled. Almost as if I am as beautiful as he's made me feel since he the first time he kissed me.
"Are you sure?" he murmurs the words hot and dangerous into my ear and I shiver at the sound of lust in his voice. Considering this was a night that was all me all the time, he's been absolutely insatiable. He can't seem to keep his hands or his mouth off me, an occurrence that is every bit as pleasant as it is surprising.
"Kiss me all you want to, but not because you feel like you have to." His lips pause, then slide back up the length of my back to press against my temple.
"I always want to kiss you. But eventually we're going to have to eat and go to work." He sighs. "Also, I really did mean to have a conversation with you last night. Not just spend the night with you."
I wriggle closer to him. "It was a good night though."
"The best," he says softly, and kisses me right above my ear. My heart isn't going to be able to take this if he keeps it up. Because I know this is how I'm going to fall for Ken Daniels. He gives me one night of glorious, unparalleled orgasms and then wakes me up and sweet talks me and next thing I know, my heart ends up shredded when he moves on to the girl for next week.
The one he takes out in public. The one he shows off to his friends. The one who definitely isn't me.
"So," I take a deep breath and try to banish the bad thoughts and focus on the now. "What did you want to talk to me about? Other than my pussy."
He growls and reaches down to cup my sex. "I do love talking about one of my very favorite parts of you, but we ought to talk about us instead." He lets go of my lady bits and I want to beg him to come back and pet them some more, but I don't. I did plenty of begging last night, and I ache in places I didn't think would ever ache. Like the backs of my knees. How is that even a thing?
"Us?" The word definitely comes out as a squeak. "What about us?" I take another deep breath, willing my heart to stop racing. He can't possibly be dumping me already. I know that I've been completely naked with him for hours at this point, but he hasn't even had his pants off yet, so that would be like a new world record in dump-ery.
He sits up, rubbing at his sexy beard with one long-fingered hand. A very, very talented hand, as I learned yesterday evening and in the wee hours of this morning. So many different times that it should probably have its own warning label.
So should his beard.
"Lily, I've been thinking a lot about what you said. About how I don't really date seriously. And I know it's a big ask, but I'd really like it if you'd take a chance on me. Let me be your boyfriend." He clears his throat. "I'll talk to Elliott about it and I figure he'll be okay with it once I make my intentions with regard to you clear."
I twist around and look at him because I need to see his face. I need to know for sure whether he's being serious or if this is some kind of post-orgasm pillow talk.
"Your intentions." The words fall from my mouth flat and unhappy. I can taste the suspicion in them, but apparently, he can't because he gives me a beaming, sunshine-y smile and wraps his fingers through mine again.
"My good intentions. I'll keep the naughty intentions for you a private matter, something strictly between the two of us."
I flush and look down. I can't stand this anymore because I'm so close to certain that this man is going to crush my fragile little heart right here and right now. I can feel it, looming on the horizon like a change in the weather.
"Look, you don't have to talk like that with me. I like you and everything, but I know you're not the boyfriend type. And even if you were, I'm sure I'm not the girl you'd want to show off to your friends."
It hurts to say it like that and leave all my feelings bleeding out there on the floor, but maybe it's better to get it over with. The words are already circling around in my head like an angry chorus of bees. Better to get that specter of self-doubt out of my mind and put it out there and see what happens.
"Hey, Lily." His lips make a hot path from the corner of my eye to my lips, then slide down my chin to my throat. "That's not true at all. I'm more than happy to take you all over town and I think I've demonstrated by now that I'm not going to be able to keep my hands or my mouth off of you no matter who's around."
His hot breath ghosts over one nipple, then the kisses make a little line over to the other nipple. I writhe under his touch because I want it all. I want this time to keep going on and on until the real world falls away, leaving us with nothing but this.
But that's not realistic. In the real world, we have our own responsibilities. The things we are supposed to do, and the people we are supposed to be. And sometimes, even if the two people involved really like each other and make each other's lives better, it's still not the right fit.
