Page 54 of Last First Love
Even if I manage to get her to hold still long enough to listen to my apology, and even if she forgives me, we've got to be over with. Because there is no way I'm going to get in the way of her dreams coming true.
She's worked too hard to get to where she's at right now, and I'm not the kind of man who's going to come between her and what she really wants. Especially when she doesn't even want to talk to me right now.
"Well, I guess I'd better get out of here. I'll uh... I'll see you at the wedding." It's only a few weeks away. It's also possibly the last time I'll get to see her again. At least I'll get that chance to apologize to her before she's gone.
Aaron looks over at me. "Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you like that."
I shake my head. "No, no. I appreciate it. I'm going to head home though. I'm not feeling so good."
Aaron bangs his fist on the roof of the car. "You quit that right now. I said I'm sorry."
I shake my head, the sick feeling in my stomach growing worse by the second. "This has nothing to do with you."
He gets all up close in my face then. "Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have acted the way I did the other night. I just have some bad stuff going on in my own life right now."
I shrug. "You didn't say anything that wasn't true. Obviously. We didn't even have to look very hard to find two women who were eager to tell me what a dirtbag and failure of a human being I am. Now how about I get out of here before Mrs. Stefnagel calls the police department again to ask some more questions about why I haven't been invited to the back of your cruiser?"
I wave to the windows and am rewarded with an angry twitch of the lacy looking curtains. If I were in a better mood, it would be enough to make me crack a smile, but as it is, everything about this makes me feel tired.
Worn out. Used up. Way past my expiration date.
"I'm going to go home." I'm sure I sound every bit as bleak as I feel because Aaron looks almost as if he's worried about me right now.
"You want me to take you?" Yeah, he's definitely worried. Well, at least he doesn't hate me. Or maybe he's stopped hating me because he dropped the worst possible news he could on me, thereby exacting his revenge upon me for whatever wrongs I've done to him.
I shake my head. "Nah. I might need a ride home in a cop car at some point, but today's not that day." I pretend to check a wristwatch I'm not actually wearing. "Well, looks like it's time for me to give up on being all hung up on Lily and head home for the feeling sorry for myself portion of the evening."
Aaron huffs. "Come on man. Don't do this to yourself. It's just some girl, and we all know how you feel about women."
My eyes meet his. "Lily is not some girl. Lily is The Girl. She’s the one that ruins me for all other girls forever. The one who makes everyone else come in a distant third place forever. Right after real her in first place and the way I imagine her in second."
"You've got that backwards."
I shake my head. "Nope." I shove my hands in my pockets and scuff my feet a little. "She's so much better than I imagined that it shouldn't even be a surprise that she's not interested in me."
Aaron looks away and curses. "Don't do that. Don't be that guy who loses your heart to someone who doesn't choose you. You deserve to be the one chosen."
I definitely get the feeling that at least part of what he's saying isn't about me anymore, but I'm certainly in no position to be giving anyone any sort of advice about relationships right now.
"Here's the thing. Maybe it would be easier for guys like us if we could find that right person and have everything fall into place the way that Abernathy did. But it doesn't always work out that way. Sometimes all we get is one chance with that right person, and we screw it up so badly that someone actually calls the cops."
Aaron laughs, but it's a cold, bitter sound. "Always ready with a joke. That's Daniels. You sure you're okay?"
I give him a thin, painful grimace, the closest thing I can manage to a smile under these circumstances. "Sure. Can't you see how okay I am?"
I give him a half wave over my shoulder and head toward my car.
When I get there, I pull out my phone and check but of course Abernathy hasn't responded. Well, he's probably busy with his wedding and everything.
Instead I text Elliott. The man who was my best friend before everything went down in a heaping pile of flaming turdiness.You were right, bro. I never had a chance with her.
I sigh and shove my phone in my pocket, then head toward home. As much as I'd like to sit around outside her home and then have a big talk with her where she tearfully admits that she's crazy about me too, I've seen the way this particular story ends and I'm not willing to sit through the ending that’s going to rip out my heart.
Time to call it a day. I know Aaron wasn't lying to me because even he can't pretend to feel bad for me to that extent. Aaron's not a pretend kind of guy, if you want to know the truth about it. I can't imagine him being phony about anything, but especially not in relationships.
And I guess if Lily's only now back in town, it makes sense that nobody's said anything to me about her leaving Valentine for good. Literally every single person in Valentine who is old enough to form a complete sentence knows that I'm in love with her, that I've been haunting her place like a ghost ever since she up and vanished on me.
I start up the car and head home. The time to win back Lily has already come and gone without me even having a chance.
