Page 63 of Last First Love
In the dim light of the early morning, I finally give in to exhaustion and settle in for a long, tender cuddling session. I'm pretty sure my testicles would be only shooting out dust at this point anyway.
I smooth her hair out of her face and twine a little piece around my finger. "Thank you," I say and kiss her gently, rubbing my nose against hers.
"For what?" she says, her face and body both limp with fatigue. Or satisfaction. Maybe both.
"For being here with me. For letting me tell you that I love you." I pause, then cuddle her close to me. "I've never said it to anyone before now, and I'm so glad it's you."
She smiles at me and it's every bit as magnificent as the sun rising outside. "You can tell me anything, always," she whispers, then peppers my face with a series of little tiny kisses. "Let's do this a lot until the wedding."
"Lily, did you just ask me to pre-bang with you?" I put my hand to my chest and feign shock.
She snorts. "I think this is actual banging, not a pre-bang."
I grin at her. "Come on. Everyone knows that the bridesmaid and best man have an obligation to bang each other at their friends' wedding. What you're trying to get me to do is agree to a pre-bang. Or possibly, many pre-bangs."
She groans. "I'm so tired that I can't possibly keep up with your train of thought. Let's take a little break and then we'll figure out what's next."
I smooch her right on her pretty neck, eliciting a giggle. "I know exactly what's next. A pre-bang."
Her lips twitch into a smile. "Many," she says and curls herself around me.
But I can't resist the buzz of ideas in my head, even as she drifts off to sleep in my bed. I want nothing quite as much as to show her how good things could be between us if we stayed together, but I've learned that she has to come to that decision on her own.
I can only take care of my side of things by doing my best to get out of her way, and supporting her when she needs a little extra help to reach her goals.
Also, I'm damned sure going to sneak off and do something naughty with her at Darcy and Abernathy's wedding. I don't care if she wants us to pre-bang the heck out of each other. There is a zero percent chance I don't try to sneak her off for a quickie during the reception.
With my mind made up, I'm finally able to settle down long enough to fall asleep. I have to go to work the next day, but I make Lily promise to come over when I'm off again.
And this is how we settle into a brief period of domesticity. She comes over every time I'm off shift, and we pretend like I don't know about her house being put on the market. Sometimes we get dinner together, and sometimes we watch a movie. But we always end up wrapped around each other and making the most of every moment we have left.
Every night, I tell her that I love her when I'm buried deep inside her, and there's a little tiny part of me that hopes that she's going to say it back, even just one time before she finally leaves. But she doesn’t, and that’s going to have to be good enough for me.
We reach an unspoken agreement to not discuss her new job or when she'll be leaving. But we both know she'll be gone as soon as the wedding is over with, and we cling to each other like we're desperate to make the most of what little time we have together.
She always falls asleep at my place, wrapped up in my arms where she fits perfectly. I stare at her while she's sleeping and try to decide whether she doesn't feel the same way I do or whether she's afraid that saying something like that out loud to me will only make it all hurt more when she finally has to leave.
And that's how the days slide away, transforming into memories that I cling to with relentless optimism. Because if I can feel this way, the man who's nothing but a flirt and a walking punchline, then surely someone as open and emotional as Lily can feel it too.
She has to. Every time she blushes when I rasp out her name or kiss her, I know she's feeling something. And it's not just Daniels Junior that's giving her feelings either.
It's the happiness between us, the way that we fit together perfectly, like we've been waiting our entire lives to find one another. Even when we hold hands, we fit together exactly right, and I know she knows it too.
But the day of the wedding creeps closer and closer, and even though I want this season of staying in and making love to her every night to last forever, when I head to my final suit fitting, I know the end is right around the corner.
Abernathy eyes me skeptically as the tailor tugs at my sleeves and makes a few minor adjustments. "You look like someone is dying. You do know it's a wedding, not a funeral, right?"
I roll my eyes at him. "Yes, boy genius. I am well aware that you're headed into the land of holy matrimony with my boss in around forty-eight more hours. I am, in fact, planning to attend your nuptials. You might even be surprised to hear that you yourself invited me."
His eyebrows climb upward with every snarky sentence that I manage to spit out. And fine. I know I'm being a bigger jerk than usual, but the entire situation is absolutely killing me and I can't even talk to anyone about it.
Elliott has been calling relentlessly, but I've been ignoring him. And everyone else other than Lily, to tell the truth. I know it can't go on like this forever, but if I only have a little while with her, I'm definitely going to spend every available moment underneath her, behind her, in front of her, on top of her. Well, you get the point.
Unfortunately, Abernathy also knows me well enough to know that my barbs are far more pointed than usual. "You’re still torn up about Lily leaving."
It's not a question, so I don't see the need to respond. Instead, I shift my attention to the person holding my pants in one hand and lingering perilously close to my nether regions with a mouthful of pins. Sheesh. It's like a horror movie waiting to happen.
Abernathy hates being ignored, almost as much as Darcy. I honestly can't imagine how the two of them ever have a conversation that isn't so intense that one of them ends up bleeding afterwards because that's how they are. They're the exact same type of person and as darling as that is, it also makes me wonder how they manage not to murder each other.
