Page 103 of The One Plus One
The kids. She looked at the car, and saw Tanzie’s face, wide-eyed with shock, Nicky a motionless black silhouette behind her. She looked to the other side, at the executive house where two small, pale faces watched from the living room, their mother behind them. When she saw Jess looking she lowered the blind.
‘You’re mad,’ yelled Marty, staring at the dented panels of the car. ‘Completely effing mad.’
She had begun to shake. Mr Nicholls put his arms around her, and steered her into the car. ‘Get in. Sit down,’ he said, closing the door once she was inside. Marty was walking slowly down the pathway towards them, his old swagger suddenly visible now that she was the one in the wrong. She thought he was about to pick a fight, but when he was about fifteen feet away he peered into the car, stooping slightly as if to check, and then she heard the rear door open behind her and Tanzie was out and running towards him.
‘Daddy!’ she cried, and he swept her up in his arms and then Jess no longer knew what she felt about anything.
She wasn’t sure how long she sat there, staring at the footwell. She couldn’t think. She couldn’t feel. She heard murmuring voices on the pathway, and at one point, Nicky reached forward and touched her shoulder lightly. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, his voice cracking.
She reached behind and gripped his hand fiercely. ‘Not. Your. Fault,’ she whispered.
The door opened finally and Mr Nicholls put his head in. His face was wet, and rain dripped from his collar. ‘Okay. Tanzie’s going to stay here for a couple of hours.’
She stared at him, suddenly alert. ‘Oh, no,’ she began. ‘He doesn’t get to have her. Not after what he’s –’
‘This isn’t about you and him, Jess.’
Jess turned towards the house. The front door was slightly ajar. Tanzie was already inside. ‘But she can’t stay there. Not with them…’
He climbed into the driver’s seat, then he reached across and took her hand. His was ice cold and damp. ‘Tanzie needs to see her dad.’
He spoke to her like someone explaining something to a difficult child. ‘She’s had a bad day and she asked if she could spend some time with him. And, Jess, if this really is his life now, then surely she has to be part of it.’
‘But it’s not –’
‘Fair. I know.’
They sat there, the three of them, staring at the brightly lit little house. Her daughter was in there. With Marty’s new family. It was as if someone had reached in, gripped her heart and ripped it out through her ribs.
She couldn’t take her eyes from the window. ‘What if she changes her mind? She’ll be all alone. And we don’t know them. I don’t know this woman. She could be…’
‘She’s with her dad. She’ll be okay.’
She stared at Mr Nicholls. His face was sympathetic. But his voice was oddly firm. ‘Why are you on his side?’ she whispered.
‘I’m not on his side.’ His fingers closed around hers.‘Look, we’ll all go find somewhere to eat. We’ll be back in a couple of hours. We stay close by and we can come back for her any time if she needs us.’
‘No. I’ll stay,’ said a voice from behind. ‘I’ll stay with her. So that she’s not by herself.’
Jess turned. Nicky was gazing out of the window. ‘Are you sure?’
‘I’ll be fine.’ His face was a blank. ‘Anyway. I sort of want to hear what he says.’
Mr Nicholls saw Nicky to the front door. She watched her stepson, his long, lanky legs in his skinny black jeans, his diffident, awkward way of standing as the door opened to let him in. The blonde woman tried to smile at him. She peered surreptitiously past him at the car. It was possible, Jess observed distantly, that she was actually frightened of her. The door closed behind them. Jess shut her eyes, not wanting to see them there, in that house. Not wanting to imagine what was going on behind that door.
And then Mr Nicholls was in the car, bringing with him a blast of cold air. ‘Come on,’ he said. ‘It’s okay. We’ll be back before you know it.’
They sat in a roadside café. She couldn’t eat. She drank coffee, no longer caring if it would leave her awake. Mr Nicholls bought a sandwich and just sat there, opposite her. She wasn’t sure he knew what to say. Two hours, she kept telling herself. Two hours and then I can have them back. She just wanted to be home then. She wanted tobe back in the car with her children, away from here. Away from Marty and his lies and his new girlfriend and pretend family. She didn’t care about anything else. She watched the clock hands edge round and let her coffee cool. Every minute felt like infinity.
And then, ten minutes before they were due to leave, the phone rang. Jess snatched it up. A number she didn’t recognize. Marty’s voice. ‘Can you leave them with me tonight?’
It knocked the breath clean out of her.
‘Oh, no,’ she said, when she could find her voice. ‘You don’t get to keep them, just like that.’
‘I’m just…trying to explain it all to them.’
‘Well, good luck with that. Because I’m damned if I understand it.’ Her voice lifted in the little café. She saw the people at the nearby tables turn their heads.
