Page 14 of The One Plus One
His mouth felt oddly dry. He wasn’t sure if it was the joint. ‘Depressed?’ he said.
‘I’m okay now. I mean, my folks were really good. After the last episode they took me to the doctor andgot me pills. And they definitely helped. They do apparently lower your inhibitions, but I can’t say that anyone’s complained! HA-HA-HA-HA!’
He handed her the joint.
‘I just feel things very intensely, you know? My psychiatrist says I’m exceptionally sensitive. Some people bounce through life. I’m not one of those people. Sometimes I can read about an animal dying or a child being murdered somewhere in another country, and I will literally cry all day. Literally. I was like it at college too. Don’t you remember?’
‘No.’
She rested her hand on his cock. Suddenly Ed felt fairly certain it was not going to spring to life.
She looked up at him. Her hair was half over her face and she blew at it. ‘It’s such a bummer losing your job and your home. You have no idea what it’s like to be really broke.’ She gazed at him as if weighing up how much to tell him. ‘I mean properly broke.’
‘What – what do you mean?’
‘Well…like I owe my ex a load of money but I’ve told him I can’t pay him. I have too much on my credit card right now. And he still keeps ringing me, going on and on about it. It’s very stressful. He doesn’t understand how stressed I get.’
‘How much are you talking about?’
‘Oh. A fair bit.’
‘How much?’ He wasn’t sure he wanted to know.
She told him. As his jaw dropped, she said, ‘And don’t offer to lend it to me. I wouldn’t take money from myboyfriend. Makes things too complicated. But it’s a nightmare.’
Ed tried not to think about the significance of her use of the word ‘boyfriend’.
He glanced down at her and saw her lower lip tremble. He swallowed. ‘Um…are you okay?’
Her smile was too swift, too wide. ‘I’m good! Thanks to you, I’m really fine now.’ She ran a finger along his chest. ‘Anyway. It’s been lovely not having to think about it. It’s been heaven going out for nice dinners without wondering how I can afford it.’ She kissed one of his nipples.
That night she slept with one leg slung over him. Ed lay wide awake, wishing he could ring Ronan.
She came back the following Friday, and the Friday after that. She didn’t pick up on his hints about things he had said he had to do at the weekend. Her father had given her the money for them to have a meal. ‘He says it’s such a relief to see me happy again.’
He had a cold, he told her, as she came skipping across the road from the Tube station. Probably best not to kiss him.
‘I don’t mind. What’s yours is mine,’ she said, and attached herself to his face for a full thirty seconds.
They ate at the local pizza place. He had started to feel a vague, reflexive panic at the sight of her. She had ‘feelings’ about things all the time. The sight of a red bus made her happy, the sight of a wilted pot plant in a café window made her vaguely weepy. She was too much ofeverything. She smiled at too many people. She was sometimes so busy talking that she forgot to eat with her mouth closed. At his apartment she peed with the bathroom door open. It sounded like a visiting horse was relieving itself.
He wasn’t ready for this. She was just too needy. Too erratic. Too everything. Ed wanted to be on his own in the apartment. He wanted the silence, the order of his normal routine. He couldn’t believe he had ever been lonely.
That night he had told her he didn’t want to have sex. ‘I’m really tired.’
‘I’m sure I could wake you up…’ She had begun to burrow her way down the duvet and he actually had to haul her upwards. There followed a tussle that might have been funny in other circumstances: her mouth poised to plug onto his genitals, him desperately hauling her up by the armpits.
‘Really. Deanna. Not…not now.’
‘We can snuggle then. Now I know you don’t just want me for my body!’ She pulled his arm around her and emitted a little whimper of pleasure, like a small animal.
Ed Nicholls lay there, wide-eyed, in the dark. He had forgotten, in the four years that he had been dating and married Lara, how swiftly someone could pivot 180 degrees in your imagination from the most desirable person you had ever seen to someone you would gnaw your own limb off if it meant escaping. He took a breath.
‘So…Deanna…um…next weekend I have to go away for business.’
‘Anywhere nice?’ She ran her finger speculatively along his thigh.
‘Um…Geneva.’
