Page 146 of Still Me
I peered at the phone, then handed it back to him. “It’s a nice thing, right?”
“It’s amazing! Who knew, Louisa? Huh? Who knew? One for the little people. Ohhh, yes!” Ashok’s smile was enormous.
I felt something rise inside me then, a feeling of joy and anticipation so great that it seemed as if the world had briefly stopped turning, like there was just me and the universe and a million good things that could happen if you only hung on in there.
I looked down at Dean Martin, then back at the lobby. I waved to Ashok, adjusted my sunglasses and set off down Fifth Avenue, my own smile growing wider with every step.
—
I had only asked for five.
32
So, I guess at some point we have to talk about the fact that your year is nearly up. Do you have a date in mind to come home? I’m guessing you can’t stay in the old woman’s place forever.
I’ve been thinking about your dress agency—Lou, you could use my house as a base if you wanted, got a lot of spare room here, completely free. If you fancied it, you could stay too.
If you think it’s too soon for that but you don’t want to disrupt your sister’s life by moving back to the flat, you could have the railway carriage? This is not my preferred option, by the way, but you always loved it and there is something quite appealing in the thought of having you just across the garden...
There is, of course, another option, which is that this is all too much and you don’t want anything to do with me, but I don’t much like that one. It’s a crappy option. I hope you think so too.
Thoughts?
Sam x
PS Picked up a couple who had been married fifty-six years tonight. He had breathing difficulties—nothing too serious—and she wouldn’t let go of his hand. Fussed over him until they got to hospital. I don’t usually notice these things but tonight? I don’t know.
I miss you, Louisa Clark.
I walked the length of Fifth Avenue, with its clogged artery of traffic and its brightly colored tourists blocking the sidewalks, and I thought how lucky you might be to find not one but two extraordinary men to love—and what a fluke it was if they happened to love you back. I thought about how you’re shaped so much by the people who surround you, and how careful you have to be in choosing them for this exact reason, and then I thought, despite all that, in the end maybe you have to lose them all in order to truly find yourself.
I thought about Sam and a couple who had been married for fifty-six years, whom I would never meet, and his name in my head became the drumbeat of my footfall as I walked past the Rockefeller Plaza, past the gaudy glitz of Trump Tower, past St. Patrick’s, past the huge glowing Uniqlo, with its dazzling pixelated screens, past Bryant Park, the vast and ornate New York Public Library with its vigilant masonry lions, the shops the hoardings the tourists the street vendors and rough sleepers—all the daily features of a life I loved in a city that he didn’t inhabit, and yet, above the noise and the sirens and the blare of the horns, I realized he was there at every step.
Sam.
Sam.
Sam.
And then I thought about how it would feel to go home.
28 October 2006
Mum,
In haste, but I’m coming back to England! I got the job with Rupe’s firm, so I’ll be handing in my notice tomorrow and no doubt headed out of the office with my belongings in a box minutes later—these Wall Street firms don’t like to hang on to people out here if they think you might plunder the client lists.
So, come the New Year, I’ll be executive director in Mergers and Acquisitions back in London. Really looking forward to a new challenge. Thought I’d take a little break first—might do that month-long Patagonian trek I’ve been going on about—and then I’ll have to find somewhere to live. If you get the chance, could you sign me up with some estate agents? Usual postcodes, very central, two/three beds. Underground parking for the bike if possible (yes, I know you hate me using it).
Oh, and you’ll like this. I met someone. Alicia Deware. She’s actually English but she was out here visiting friends and I met her at a bloody awful dinner and we went out a few times before she had to head back to Notting Hill. Proper dating, not the New York kind. Early days but she’s good fun. I’ll be seeing a bit of her when I come back. Don’t go looking at wedding hats just yet, though. You know me.
So that’s it! Give my love to Dad—tell him I’ll be buying him a pint or two at the Royal Oak very soon.
To new beginnings, eh?
With love, your son
Will x
