Page 46 of Still Me
“Josh! Um... oh. Yes, it was fine. Thank you!” I turned away slightly, putting my hand up to my other ear. I felt Sam stiffen beside me.
“So he did the drawing for you?”
“He did. She’s really happy. Thank you so much for organizing it. Listen, I’m in the middle of something right now, but thank you. It really was incredibly kind of you.”
“Glad it worked out. Listen, give me a call, yeah? Let’s grab a coffee sometime.”
“Sure!” I ended the call to find Sam watching me.
“Josh.”
I put the phone back into my pocket.
“The guy you met at the ball.”
“It’s a long story.”
“Okay.”
“He helped me sort this drawing for Agnes today. I was desperate.”
“So you had his number.”
“It’s New York. Everyone has everyone’s number.”
He dragged his hand over the top of his head and turned away.
“It’s nothing. Really.” I took a step toward him, pulled him by his belt buckle. I could feel the weekend sliding away from me again. “Sam... Sam...”
He deflated, put his arms around me. He rested his chin on the top of my head and moved his from side to side. “This is...”
“I know,” I said. “I know it is. But I love you and you love me and at least we managed to do a bit of the getting-naked thing. And it was great, wasn’t it? The getting-naked thing?”
“For, like, five minutes.”
“Best five minutes of the last four weeks. Five minutes that will keep me going for the next four.”
“Except it’s seven.”
I slid my hands into his back pockets. “Don’t let’s end this badly. Please. I don’t want you to go away angry because of some stupid call from someone who is literally nothing to me.”
His face softened when he held my gaze, as it always did. It was one of the things I loved about him, the way his features, so brutal in repose, melted when he looked at me. “I’m not pissed off at you. I’m pissed off at myself. And airline food or burritos or whatever it was. And your woman there who can’t apparently put on a dress by herself.”
“I’ll be back for Christmas. For a whole week.”
Sam frowned. He took my face in his hands. They were warm and slightly rough. We stood there for a moment, and then we kissed, and some decades later he straightened up and glanced at the board.
“And now you have to go.”
“And now I have to go.”
I swallowed the lump that had risen in my throat. He kissed me once more, then swung his bag over his shoulder. I stood on the concourse, watching the space where he had been for a full minute after security had swallowed him.
—
In general, I’m not a moody person. I’m not very good at the whole door-slamming, scowling, eye-rolling thing. But that evening I made my way back to the city, pushed my way through the crowds on the subway platform, elbows out, and scowled like a native. Throughout the journey I found myself checking the time.He’s in the departures lounge. He’ll be boarding. And... he’s gone.The moment his plane was due to take off I felt something sink inside me and my mood darkened even further. I picked up some takeout sushi and walked from the subway station to the Gopniks’ building. When I got to my little room I sat and stared at the container, then at the wall, and knew I couldn’t stay there alone with my thoughts so I knocked on Nathan’s door.
“C’min!”
