Page 73 of Still Me
“Agnes,” I said quietly. “This is a slightly odd question, but did you put a pregnancy test in my bathroom?”
She blinked at me over her teacup. And then she put her cup down on its saucer and pulled a face. “Oh. That. Yes, I was going to tell you.”
I felt anger rise up in me like bile. “You were going to tell me? You know my boyfriend found it?”
“Your boyfriend came for the weekend? That’s so nice! Did you have lovely time?”
“Right up until he found a used pregnancy test in my bathroom.”
“But you tell him it’s not yours, yes?”
“I did, Agnes. But, funnily enough, men tend to get a little shirty when they find pregnancy tests in their girlfriends’ bathrooms. Especially girlfriends who live three thousand miles away.”
She waved her hand, as if shooing my concerns away. “Oh, for goodness’ sake. If he trusts you he will be fine. You are not cheating on him. He should not be so stupid.”
“But why? Why would you put a pregnancy test in my bathroom?”
She stopped. She glanced around me, as if to check that the study door really was closed. And suddenly her expression grew serious. “Because if I had left it in my bathroom Ilaria would have found it,” she said flatly. “And I cannot have Ilaria seeing this thing.” She lifted her hands as if I were being spectacularly dim. “Leonard was very clear when we marry. No children. This was our deal.”
“Really? But that’s not... What if you decide you want them?”
She pursed her lips. “I won’t.”
“But—but you’re my age. How can you know for sure? I can’t tell most days if I’m going to want to stick with the same brand of hair conditioner. Lots of people change their mind when—”
“I am not having children with Leonard,” she snapped. “Okay? Enough with the talk of children.”
I stood, a little reluctantly, and her head whipped around, her expression fierce. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I caused you trouble.” She pushed at her brow with the heel of her palm. “Okay? I’m sorry. Now I am going for a run. On my own.”
—
Ilaria was in the kitchen when I walked in a few moments later. She was pushing a huge lump of dough around a mixing bowl with fierce, even strokes and she didn’t look up.
“You think she is your friend.”
I stopped, my mug halfway to the coffee machine.
She pushed the dough with particular force. “Theputawould sell you down the river if it meant she saved herself.”
“Not helpful, Ilaria,” I said. It was perhaps the first time I had ever answered her back. I filled my mug and walked to the door. “And, believe it or not, you don’t know everything.”
I heard her snort from halfway down the hall.
—
I headed down to Ashok’s desk to pick up Agnes’s dry-cleaning, stopping to chat for a few moments to try to push aside my dark mood. Ashok was always even, always upbeat. Talking with him was like having a window on a lighter world. When I arrived back at the apartment there was a small, slightly wrinkled plastic bag propped up outside our front door. I stooped to pick it up and found, to my surprise, that it was addressed to me. Or at least to “Louisa I think her name is.”
I opened it in my room. Inside, wrapped in recycled tissue paper, was a vintage Biba scarf, decorated with a print of peacock feathers. I opened it out and draped it around my neck, admiring the subtle sheen of the fabric, the way it shimmered even in the dim light. It smelled of cloves and old perfume. Then I reached into the bag and pulled out a small card. The name at the top read, in looping dark blue print: Margot De Witt. Underneath, in a shaky scrawl, was written:Thank you for saving my dog.
15
From: [email protected]
Hi, Mum,
Yes, Halloween is kind of a big deal here. I walked around the city and it was very sweet. There were lots of little ghosts and witches carrying baskets of sweets, with their parents following at a distance with torches. Some of them had even dressed up too. And people here seem to really get into it, not like our street where half the neighbors turn their lights out or hide in the back room to stop kids knocking. All the windows are full of plastic pumpkins or fake ghosts and everyone seems to love dressing up. Nobody even egged anyone else that I could see.
