Page 116 of We All Live Here
Wendy finally gives Hugo a vigorous nudge. Perhaps it is the reference to mothers that does for him. Perhaps it is the spotlight, or finally having to speak toward 150 rapt parents. But Hugo gazes out at the audience and his little face begins to crumple. Lila watches as, under the bright lights, a tear slides visibly down his face.
There is a certain kind of hush in a school hall that comes when it’s clear that a child is actually traumatized on stage and nobody knows quite what to do. The small boy stands in the beam of light, unable to move. He gives a great, visible gulp.Oh, no, thinks Lila.The poor child. And then Celie stands up suddenly beside her. “Go, Hugo!” she calls to him. “You can do it!”
She starts to clap him, blushing furiously with anxiety even as she does. Hugo looks up, and he registers her. “Go, Hugo!” Celie says again.
Lila can see Dan in the half-light, making his way awkwardly along the line of chairs, other parents standing, shifting aside to let him through. He crouches at the side of the stage, trying to call something inaudible to Marja’s son. The whole room is gazing at this small child for whom this night, perhaps these last few weeks, has clearly been too much.
“Yeah, Hugo!” says Celie. She glances anxiously at Lila, clearly afraid that this will be taken as a sign of her disloyalty. And something in Lila gives.
She finds she is on her feet beside her daughter.
“Yes, Hugo!” she says, and starts to clap. “Go on! You can do it!”
And suddenly a scattering of other parents are whooping and cheering, calling his name. A couple of the children step forward on the stage, encouraging him, murmuring at him, a swell of performative helpfulnessrippling through the cast. Wendy steps forward and whispers in Hugo’s ear. He nods then turns back to face the audience.
There is a hush. It feels as if the whole audience is holding its collective breath. His eyes widen, and for a moment he looks as if he’s going to cry again. Then Hugo swallows, and his high child’s voice breaks into the silence, wavering a little: “I—I knew Peter Pan would save us.”
And suddenly Lila is clapping, and Celie is whooping, punching the air, and Jensen stands up beside her and shouts too. And the whole audience is clapping and cheering, so that whatever the last lines actually were are completely drowned in the applause. And Lila feels Jensen’s fingers close around hers and something in her chest is bursting, tears are brimming in her eyes and with her other hand she takes Celie’s, and their eyes meet, and Lila nods.Good job, she tells her daughter silently, and just for once, Celie smiles back, and takes it.
•••
She is aboutto head outside for some fresh air when Mrs. Tugendhat stops her, her face flushed, a hand pressed to her chest. “Oh, Lila, what a night. What an amazing job your father did. You know the children have adored working with him.”
Lila doesn’t need to ask what she means this time. She feels suddenly hollowed out from the evening’s events. “I—It was an amazing production, Mrs. Tugendhat. Well done. I’m just so sorry I wasn’t able to help more.”
Mrs. Tugendhat is clearly giddy with relief that it has all gone off as planned. “Silver linings, my dear. Your father is a born teacher. The children were so enthusiastic to do it his way. They loved the costumes, even if some of them were a little full of moth! I don’t think we’ve ever had a better production.”
Lila is almost reluctant to ask. “How—how long has he been helping?”
“It must be four, five weeks now? It was very kind of you to suggest it,Lila. Him bringing the costumes in was a blessing. But really it was the acting and the enthusiasm that brought it all to life. It’s not often you get a genuine Hollywood star on your school production! And using actual Hollywood props! My old colleagues at St. Mary’s are green with envy, I can tell you!”
She glances over the heads of the parents toward the back of the stage. “Now I must go and find Mr. Darling. Apparently there has been a little accident. Overexcitement, I think. Or maybe it was too much apple juice. Do excuse me.”
•••
Bill is tiredafter the drama of the performance, and perhaps still digesting what he’d been told before the show, so after he and Penelope have made their way carefully to the end of the row of seats he tells Lila, clasping her arms, that they have had a lovely time but are going to head for home. “Please tell Violet I’m immensely proud of her. She was faultless. Faultless!”
Lila hugs him, breathing in his familiar old-man scent of tweed and soap. “I’ll tell her, Bill. She’ll be so happy that you came.”
Around them people are making their way to the back of the room, grabbing final glasses of wine while their children change out of their costumes, comparing funny stories about the performance. Lila is grateful to have her family there. Just for once she doesn’t feel like the awkward person who doesn’t really fit, and she’s shielded from the likes of Philippa Graham and Gabriel Mallory. She sees Dan, with Marja’s mother, and he catches her eye and raises a hand, perhaps in thanks, perhaps just in greeting, she isn’t sure. He looks, she thinks suddenly, like someone she doesn’t really know anymore. Then she sees him register Jensen beside her, the faint flicker of something passing across his face, and realizes that perhaps, from now on, she is not the only one who is going to have to adapt.
Jensen has offered to take Bill and Penelope out to the car, just to make sure they’re okay, and Lila tells him she’s going backstage to find Violet. But it isn’t just Violet she wants to see.
•••
As usual, youcan hear him before you see him. He is in the backstage area, moving scenery with some of the bigger year sevens and eights. He’s congratulating the children as they filter past, sporadically straightening up to give them high fives.
“Hamoud! My man! That was some guitar you were playing out there!” He stoops to pat a small alien shuffling past in an oversized costume, small trails of glitter in its wake. “Nancy? You were such a cool alien! I’ll bet your parents didn’t even know it was you in there!”
Lila stands and watches him, this man who can apparently be to other children what he never was to her. She has to move to the side as the pirate spaceship is carried past by two enormous boys and a caretaker, huffing slightly with the effort. And when it passes she sees Gene is looking at her, his expression a little wary, as if he’s unsure what is about to happen. He fixes a smile on his face. “Hey, sweetheart. If you’re looking for Violet, she’s just getting out of her dress.”
Lila takes a couple of steps closer to him. “You lied to Bill,” she says.
“No, I didn’t.”
“I know you did. You’re not that good an actor.”
They stare at each other, like two prize fighters facing off.
