Page 23 of We All Live Here
“But isn’t it even a bit nice? To see him again?”
“Nope.” Lila steps to the side of the path to let a woman pass. Truant lets out a low growl at the woman’s Labradoodle and Lila smiles apologetically as the woman hurries past, her expression nervous. It is a walk she and Eleanor do twice a week, Lila on the mornings that she doesn’t have the girls, and Eleanor because she never sleeps past five after twenty years making up people for the film industry.
“He hasn’t changed at all. Walked in like the last fifteen years hadn’t even happened. Like our entire adult relationship hadn’t been half a dozen birthday cards, most of which arrived on the wrong day. Honestly, El, I kept looking at him over the dinner table, and all I saw was the space I’d left for him at Mum’s funeral. I actually hate him.” Lila had watched two episodes ofLa Familia Esperanzawhen she went to bed. It’s possible that Estella slept with the hunky gun instructor, but Lila cannot remember a thing that happened.
“What did the girls think?”
“Oh, he charmed them. The usual. Pulled up his old YouTube videos—‘Captain Strang, reporting for intergalactic duty.’ ” She mimics Gene’s accent. “Violet loved it. But then Violet likes anyone if she thinks they might be corruptible. Celie was less sure but he’s probably working on her as we speak. He can’t bear not to be loved. It’s pathological. If he senses an ounce of resistance he just keeps on and on until he’s found their weak spot.”
“Well, it’s only for a couple of days.”
They have reached an empty part of the woods. Lila lets Truant off the lead and watches him trot off under the leaves that are just starting to brown, glancing backward periodically to check that she’s still there, ever vigilant. “Yup. And then I won’t see him for another decade. Possibly till I get an invitation to his funeral. Which I don’t think I’ll bother going to.”
“God, remind me never to fall out with you.” Eleanor finishes her coffee and tucks the empty cup into her rucksack.
Lila takes a last swig of hers. Eleanor holds out her hand to take the cup from her and tucks it into Lila’s.
“No chance,” says Lila. “I’m going to glom on to you forever. Like fox poo. I’ll be hanging around indefinitely.”
“You make it sound like such a delightful prospect.”
Lila hooks an arm around her friend’s neck and pulls her in for a hug. “I have to have you in my life forever, El. I think I would actually die if I had all this crap coming at me and you weren’t there to stop me going mad.”
“I’m not sure my superpowers stretch that far.”
“It’s a lot, isn’t it? Bloody hell.”
“We’re at that age. It’s always a lot,” Eleanor says, with a cheerful smile. “That’s why you need to go and have some fun. To balance it all out.”
“Oh, God. Please don’t tell me to have a threesome. I don’t think I can cope with more of your sexual escapades.”
“It wassomuch fun. We went to a fetish party. I didn’t love the rubber gear, as it was just so hot, and I had to use industrial amounts of talc just to get it on in the first place, but such a nice bunch of people. We all went for a Vietnamese afterward. The guys would have preferred curry but we said we were worried about getting in and out of our rubber wear. I mean biryanis make me blow up like a balloon.”
“Everything you’re describing sounds like a very unpleasant fever dream. I do not want to consider curry and rubber suits in the same sentence.” Lila has started to hate these discussions. She can’t work out if they make her feel that her friend is growing away from her, or that life is passing her by. Possibly both. “Does it really not make you feel even a bit weird, El? I mean, is this really you?”
“Is it really me?” Eleanor stops and considers this. “I don’t know. I’m not sure I know who I am these days. I thought I had everything all planned out for the rest of my life, me and Eddie, a couple of kids, nice house with a picket fence. Or at least a really nice apartment in the Congestion Zone. And look what happened. Now I just try to live every day with an open heart and an open mind and see what happens.”
“Even if that involves curries and strangers in rubber suits.”
“I know it’s not to your taste, Lils, but you’ll never move on unless you start looking forward. Seriously. Dan has done a bunch of horrible things, but if you let yourself be mired in it forever you’ll have an utterly miserable time. I say that with love.”
“So I should forget everything he and my dad have done and just be delightful to them, no matter what they throw at me.”
“It’s worth thinking about.”
“Oh, God. I figure it’s about six months till you start up a self-help podcast.”
Eleanor flashes her another smile. “Ooh. That’s an idea. How to liberate yourself through tantric orgasms.”
“How to treat thigh chafing injuries when you can’t get out of your latex bodysuit.”
Eleanor fixes her with a beady eye and continues: “Why opening yourself up to new experiences will bring you happiness.”
“Why opening yourself up to shady insurance salesmen named Sean will bring you pelvic inflammatory disease.”
“You’re just a ray of sunshine, Lils,” says Eleanor, and stomps ahead on the path.
“That’s why you love me,” says Lila, and trots a little to keep up with her.
