Page 45 of Perfect Matcha
“We’ve crossed a line, Theo,” Camden said angrily.
“Because we just kissed? That was nothing. It doesn’t have to ruin anything.”
Camden stalked into the kitchen and flung open the box. Theo saw him hesitate over the protein bars before pulling out a cake donut with chocolate frosting. Theo’s favorite.
“I know you’re freaking out because I’m upset. But I’m only upset because I’m worried and confused, and we need to talk so badly, but you’re blocking me. Ineedyou to be able to talk to me. Eat this. You’ll feel better.” Camden handed the donut over.
Theo hated when people were angry at him, but even worse was how well Camden knew him and the care Camden was showing him despite the anger.
“You want a boyfriend, don’t you?” Camden asked.
God, did he? Theo didn’t know what he wanted besides to call in sick to work and crawl under the covers for the day.
And to think about that kiss some more, analyze it and understand it better.
“I guess.”
“You want to date Hawke Howard. You have a date with him this week.”
Theo opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out.
“Eat, Theo,” Camden said gently.
Theo took a small bite, and the lump in his chest loosened slightly. “I have a date. He asked me out.”
“And you’ve had lots of sex-toy practice now. I’d say you’re pretty proficient. You’ve found stuff you enjoy. You can articulate what you want.”
Theo had figured out what he enjoyed. He liked the role play and the novelty of the toys. He liked the way Camden could make his mind blank and his insecurities disappear. He’d been more honest with Camden about his desires than anyone in his entire life, even Freddie, but he had no idea if he’d be able to replicate that with someone else. Camden was safe.
What if … what if Camden was the only person who could make him—
Nope. Not going there. Camden was practically throwing him at Hawke Howard. That was all Theo needed to know.
“Okay.”
“And he’s a nice guy, isn’t he? This was what you wanted.”
“I—I … yeah?”
“What are we doing here, then?” Camden gulped in a ragged breath. “We have to stop doing it if you don’t want … I can’t wreck our friendship. It is literally the most important thing to me.”
“I don’t want to wreck it either.”
“Then it’s settled.”
Theo gingerly placed his donut on the counter. “What’s settled?”
His chest felt funny, and his stomach hurt. This was why he sucked at relationships. If he couldn’t have a slightly tense conversation with his best friend, a man he’d known since he was in second grade, how was he supposed to handle a boyfriend?
“We can’t do this anymore.”
“Kiss?”
Camden gripped Theo by the shoulders. Theo knew that the relief of feeling Camden’s hands on him again would be short-lived.
“Anything. Any of this. No more kissing. No more sex or phone sex or role play. If you need help figuring out a sex toy, you’ll have to Google it. There are hundreds of toy-review blogs and sites that will give you the info you need. Hell, there’s multiple subreddits too. I should have been pointing you in that direction all along, and I’m so sorry I didn’t.”
“So, I can’t come to you if I need help? I thought—” The unfairness of what Theo was saying slammed into him. He grabbed Camden’s wrists. “No, wait. Ignore that. I’m not being fair. My hang-ups are not your responsibility. I’m sorry if I took advantage of you.”
