Page 41 of Love Arranged
The way I press my lips together is answer enough.
She laughs to herself, the sad sound coming out soft yet no less powerful. “Got it.”
I want to tell her that yes, there were fleeting moments where I wondered if I was capable of a relationship like the one she desired, but I wasn’t in the mindset for one.
I’m still not in the right headspace. Not when I need to focus on my plan to protect the place my parents loved, and definitely not while I still struggle with being surrounded by memories of my father’s obsessive need to make my mother’s dream of living in Lake Wisteria come true.
With my right hand on the wheel, I tuck my other one into the front pocket of my pants and touch my father’s dice to remind myself of what matters. Of whom I’m doing this all for, and why I can’t allow myself to get distracted by a beautiful woman with the most alluring brown eyes I’ve ever seen.
Lily is quiet for a few minutes before she talks again. “Why not ask Willow to pick a fiancée from the start? Why try finding one through an app?”
I keep my mouth sealed.
“I deserve the truth,” she says when I don’t answer. “At least give me that.”
My stomach muscles spasm at the idea of hurting her—a weakness that only applies to her—but I take a deep breath and stroke the dice in my pocket to ground myself. “I was bored.”
She sucks in a breath.
I continue, knowing my answer will destroy any positive feelings she might still have toward me. “You were the first person who messaged me, and I thought you were funny. I didn’t expect anything more than a single conversation, but then you messaged me the next morning…and that night…and I don’t know. It went on way longer than I expected.”
She covers her mouth with the palm of her hand, and tears fill her eyes. I feel like shit—complete and utter shit at causing her any distress whatsoever.
“Why did you agree to meet up, then? You could’ve used it as an out.”
But instead I met up with her on Halloween, not knowing at the time how that night would change everything. One incredible kiss was all it took to send me running, and I haven’t stopped ever since.
I clear my throat. “I will admit that I was curious about what you looked like and why you’d use an anonymous app when you clearly have a decent personality.”
The silence is suffocating.
“Then I met you, and it all made sense. You’re too…”
She makes a choking sound, and it feels as if she wrapped her small hands around my heart.
“Too…” I struggle to think of something strong enough to deter her.
“Toowhat?” Her voice sounds so damn distant, and I realize it’s because she’s moved as far away from me as humanly possible by tucking her body against the door.
I deserve the sick feeling bubbling in my stomach and much more as I throw the final emotional punch. “You were too much for someone like me.”
You wanted kids, a husband, and a dog, while I only cared about myself, I want to tell her.
You’d spend all your energy defending a man who your family doesn’t like and never will, I nearly add.
I would’ve become obsessed with you. Completely, utterly, undeniably obsessed, and it would’ve killed me in the process.
“Pull over!”
My head whips in her direction. “What?”
She reaches for the handle.
Shit!Is she about to open the door to a moving vehicle?
“I’m going to be sick!” she shouts with misty eyes.
“Fuck! Hold on.” I turn the wheel to the right, nearly swiping another car parked along Main Street in the process of parking in the emergency lane.
