Page 4 of Born Into Trouble (Occupy Yourself)
Two
Benny stood by the curb, watching as Andy rode away from GeeMa’s house and up the road. It had been barely a week since the fiasco at the bonfire. Today he'd come home from shopping with Benita, to find Andy waiting for him. One thing about Benita, she never was afraid to whip out Daddy’s credit card, so Benny now owned a tuxedo, which meant he didn’t have to ask Andy for money. Shirts and other items were in bags on the porch, the tailoring on the suit would be done next week and they’d head back to Cheyenne to pick it up before prom. Andy had nearly gotten into an argument with him about the clothes, but Benny had been able to pass it off as not a big deal. He’d played up his relationship with Benita when she let him out at the curb, knowing Andy was sitting on the porch, watching.
Benny had only been home moments before Andy gave him the news. The used motorcycle strapped into the back of Andy's beat-up old pickup truck was going to be his brother’s ticket out of town. Andy had finally grown tired of all the shit in Enoch and was doing something about it, which meant Benny would lose him. Benny knew though, that if given the same opportunity to escape the town they both hated with a passion, he'd be gone in an instant. Torn in half with the news, Benny was both pleased for his brother and destroyed, because he would effectively be without a safety net. Sure, their mother still lived in town—fat lotta help she’d be with anything—and he had GeeMa and GeePa, but without Andy…he would be alone.
The wind blew steadily, an ever-present entity on the plains, and the way it whistled around the corners of the house reminded him of their father’s funeral. Winds so strong that day Andy’s hat had nearly been unseated; gusts had rocked the truck side-to-side as their old ranch foreman drove them from the cemetery. Benny had played possum, pretending to fall asleep in the truck and letting Andy carry him inside. Then, as soon as Andy left the room, Benny had crept silently to the doorway to listen as the grown-ups—and he counted Andy in that category—discussed him and his mom.
He’d been five years old. That was the first time he remembered knowing in his gut their mom wasn’t going to be able to hack it. Hearing they’d be moving from the ranch into town, leaving behind their heritage to stay in a shoddy rental, and even at that age, Benny knew it was her fault. She couldn’t deal, not without Daddy, and Daddy was dead, so wouldn’t be coming back to save any of them. He remembered the chill working up his back at the thought. Remembered profound sadness a few years later at his prophecy come true when she fell far into the gutter. The words kids flung at him in grade school became truth because she earned rent and booze money on her back.
The minutes ticked by as Benny stood there staring up the road. Andy’d been gone so long, Benny began to wonder if he’d heard Andy wrong, if maybe the playful banter that passed between them before Andy dropped his bomb about leaving had been their last conversation. Then, off in the distance, he saw a small figure appear. Gradually it resolved into a widely-grinning Andy, seated proudly on the beautiful red-and-white bike. He came back like he said he would, so maybe, just maybe, Andy would do everything else he promised like come back, stay in touch, help out when he could.
Andy pulled up, parked behind the truck and without a word, Benny knew what his brother needed. So he gave it to him. He flooded the air around them with questions about the bike, how it felt to ride fast, what kind of jobs Andy’d be looking for. He would do anything to keep the reality of life at bay for both of them.
***
The morning of prom, Benny stood on the porch with their grandparents and watched Andy ride away again, this time for good. Earlier, while packing the bags hanging on either side of the back wheel, in a quiet voice Andy told him, “Stopping by Mom’s rental on my way out of town. One last time.” Benny stared at him, not sure what to do with this knowledge. GeeMa would be pissed if she knew Andy was headed over there. She didn’t hate her daughter-in-law. She couldn’t; hate wasn’t in GeeMa’s makeup. But she could dislike intensely, and did, trying in her own way to protect the boys from what had happened within their broken family. “Need you to do something for me, shrimp.”
“Anything.” The truth slipped from his mouth traveling to Andy’s ears. He’d do anything for his big brother.
“Check in on her some? Make sure she’s eating and shit? I’ll send you some money for groceries for her.” Andy’s forehead wrinkled in a huge frown. “Just make sure she’s okay?”
“Sure. I can do that.” It was a mile each way to her apartment and, not wanting to deal with Benita’s opinions on his family, this wouldn’t be an errand he’d share with her, so no lifts. But for Andy? “Anything you need, bro.”
Too few minutes later, Andy was a rapidly diminishing dot in the distance, and in only moments, he was gone. Wordlessly GeeMa moved to the front door, waiting as GeePa opened it for her and they went inside, leaving Benny on the porch alone.
He didn’t put a stopwatch on it, but knew he stayed staring up the road for a long time, wishing with everything inside him that things were different. That Daddy hadn’t died. That their mother loved them enough to fight for them. That Andy could find a different solution.If wishes were horses, he thought, turning to go inside only when the sun had traveled all the way across the sky, to rest against the curve of the earth.
Nervously pacing as he waited for Benita to pick him up, Benny stuck his head into the living room to say goodbye. His grandparents were watching TV, GeePa in his recliner, chin to the ceiling, more likely sleeping than actively watching the show. GeeMa had stretched out on the couch, and her eyes never wavered from the screen when she told him, “Have fun, honey.”
“I will,” he promised. Ducking back out of the room, he turned to look at the kitchen cabinet over the stove. Hard liquor was kept there, and they drank so infrequently they’d never notice if he took a nerve-calming swig from the bourbon bottle. He’d taken two steps in that direction when the familiar sound of Benita’s horn came from outside, and he redirected his path with a shouted “Goodbye.”
Inside the gym, Benny scanned the crowd. He knew only a few of the guys, mostly from football, but he could see three girls he knew by face—and touch—if not by name. Benita’s grip on his bicep never loosened as she guided him to the punchbowl. The junior boy manning the dipper winked at her and nodded, handing each of them a brimming plastic cup filled with red liquid. “Bottoms up,” Benita urged, and Benny drank, choking on the alcohol for a moment.Alone, the word flitted through his head, and he tipped the cup, drinking deeply of what he hoped would be forgetfulness.
***
“That’s amazing.” He heard the words but couldn’t make sense of them. “How can he stay hard when he’s so blotto?” Pressure up and down the insides of his thighs, soft and slow, digging in where it felt good, nearly ticklish in other places. His head lolled to the side, and he wanted to focus to see who it was, but nothing was working right. It felt as if he were no longer in control of his body, and there was a brief moment when a bubble of panic tried to rise to the surface, bursting and disappearing long before it really registered.
“High libido must be something that runs in the family?” From somewhere beside his shoulders, Benita’s mocking voice was followed by shrill laughter.
“How’d you find him, Benita? So big. He’s just perfect.” Feverish excitement in that voice. Weight bearing down, higher now, on his belly, on his hip, heat washing through him as his dick entered something so hot and tight, it felt as if all his awareness focused there. Demanding urges. Pleasure to the point of pain.Too much. “Benny and Benita, sittin’ in a tree.”
“F-U-C-K-I-N-G.” Laughter all around, pressure and touch all over.
Benny tried to lift his head to protest, but his muscles wouldn’t cooperate, and he let it fall heavily back to the surface on which he was lying, seeing shadowed figures moving around him.
