Page 46 of Born Into Trouble (Occupy Yourself)
Twenty-Four
Sitting on the couch in Jase and DeeDee’s house, he marveled as his brother’s friends rallied around him. As inhim, not Slate. They knew the history; that much was clear. What they didn’t know was how much of a trigger seeing his mother would be for him, and they were cautiously pleasant to her but pulled him close. One-armed hugs, pounding backslaps, tousled hair—they gave him the same affection they granted Chase, and seeing this, recognizing it for the first time, it warmed him. Sustained him in ways he didn’t know he needed, but aware of the bonds he’d built here over the past weeks and months, he suddenly got it. He understood what drove Slate to be anything these men needed him to be.
Staring down at the cup of coffee in his hand, he was still trying to come to grips with this knowledge when the cushions at his side depressed, and he looked to see Mason settling into the corner. Arm across the back cushion, the big man was turned sideways, leaned against the arm of the couch, one knee cocked, and ankle on his other leg. Mason looked like he was there for the duration, and Benny was surprised to find this no longer filled him with a twitching fear.
With a nod, he acknowledged the man, following it with a quiet greeting, “Mason.”
“Benny boy.” Mason gave him an easy grin then tipped his head towards the kitchen where Susan stood talking to various women from the club. Ruby stood close, and the two women each had a fast-growing baby in their arms, Susan cradling her namesake, Danielle Susan. Benny hadn’t learned the little girl’s middle name for weeks; another thing Slate felt he had to buffer him against, not knowing how he might react. “How’s it hangin’?”
He knew this wasn’t a casual question, not throwaway words meant to be polite and fill the time; Mason didn’t fuck around with things. If he asked it, he wanted a real answer, so Benny gave it to him. “Was a shit morning.” Susan smiled, reaching out to cup Ruby’s face and pull her in for a hug, the babies protesting as they were squeezed between the women, and he watched as they broke apart laughing, Ruby smiling at his mother. “A good day, though.”
“I reckon so.” Mason made a show of looking around. “No Lucia tonight?”
Benny smiled; that was another part of the day which had gone really well. “We stopped by Bear’s earlier, so I could introduce Mom to Luce. Seeing her is always the best part of my day, never fails.” Slate walked into view from the other side of the kitchen, stopping where he could slip an arm around each woman, tugging them into his sides and Benny watched their reactions, Ruby smiling up at him and their mom resting her head on his shoulder, her face relaxing. Benny thought they both looked like Slate had given them the world. “I don’t know who was more nervous, her or Mom. But by then Mom and I had the real talk behind us, knew what we were both hoping to get out of this, and knew we could deliver.”
“She needed to know if I could forgive her. And, until I heard her talking about Slate’s visit, I didn’t know I already had.” He smiled as he watched Slate jokingly complain as his arms were filled with babies, and then pulled fountains of infectious laughter from each child as he blew raspberries into their necks in turn. “I needed to know she didn’t hate what I’d become.”
“What youdid.” Mason leaned in, put a hand on Benny’s knee and squeezed until Benny looked at him. “You’ve never been anything other than Slate’s brother. Susan’s son.” Thick fingers tightened, digging in. “My boy’s friend. All that blond hair, you’re a little lion man. Brave, fierce.Loyal.” Leaning back, Mason released him, settling back into place. “You aren’t what you’ve done, what you’ve lived through, Benny. You learn from that shit, pick your ass up and go forwards. You aren’t what you’ve done.” Abruptly changing topics, Mason asked him, “You know about Mica, up in Chicago?”
Benny knew the name and had heard stories about the woman the Rebels protected like they did DeeDee and Ruby, so he nodded. Mason said, “Couple years back, she got a tattoo.”
“Good for her?” Benny had no idea where this was going and knew his questioning tone revealed his confusion when Mason laughed.
“Yeah, except I had to sit beside her and watch her flinch as they dragged that needle up the skin of her side, blood and ink oozing out. She about passed out. Pain ain’t the point, boy. The tattoo is the important part. Hers says, without fear, there is no courage.” Leaning in, Mason got close, holding Benny’s gaze as he did so. “You’re afraid of failing your family, your band, and your friends. You are so afraid, it bleeds from you. Just eat up with that fear, boy.” The room was silent; the only noises were murmuring conversations from the kitchen, shouts of children’s laughter from outside. “Gotta let it go. Trust yourself to be what you need to be, so you can move past this. You can’t forget the past, no way to learn from it if you set it aside, but you have to let go the guilt and fear from your past decisions. Learn from the results, but give yourself a goddamned fucking chance.”
Scowling, the big man leaned in another intimidating inch, and Benny held himself still, trying not to react. “Without fear, there is no courage,” Mason repeated the words, then paused. “That’s what you hold onto. Mica’s ink. Courage. What you’ll find on the other side of that fear eating you up inside. That’s where you’ll find your courage, little lion boy. Find it, hold on to it…feed it. Two things inside you: fear and courage. Feed what you want to grow.”
He gestured around the room, and a dozen pairs of eyes turned their way. Benny knew Mason spoke for all of them when he said, “You are your brother’s favorite person. Slate was scarcely a man when he took on the role he was born to, his brother’s keeper. He’s lived his whole life in service to others, including me, but you are one of the people who make his world richer. Now, seeing you through his eyes, I know your worth in a way I didn’t before. You aren’t what you’ve done, what’s happened to you. You are what you became in spite of what life threw at you. In spite of stumbling and falling.” Mason grinned, and in his smile, Benny caught a glimpse of the man Chase would become. For the first time, he was glad down to the bottom of his soul that his life had brought him here to witness this. “Like your shadow says, it ain’t how many times you fall, Benny. It’s how many times you get back up.”
***
“Dude.” Chase laughed as he whirled, walking backwards up the sidewalk towards the house his dad had bought. “You don’t know, man, it could happen.” Slapping his hands together, Chase made a sound like an explosion. “Out of the blue, like that. Come on, she’s only here for a couple of days. I want you to meet my aunt.”
“Chill, little dude.” Benny was frustrated, but trying to not let his mood sour Chase’s excitement. He’d gotten off the phone with yet another label earlier today. Their music was going great; actually, better than great. The demo they’d cut was rock solid, four songs, all original, each uniquely different, showing their range of skill. With every practice, they found new ways to fit together professionally.
The only downside was on the management side of things. Benny knew in his gut they needed representation. He could handle setting up and organizing promo pieces, but getting them booked onto a tour took connections, and every one of his had splintered over the last year. People in the industry changed jobs as fast as they changed underwear, and keeping up with who knew who when you spent half a year in rehab? Nearly impossible.
So he’d spent the last month working angles to try to get their music in front of labels that would be willing to leverage names and connections, sweet-talking them into taking a chance on the Occupy Yourself brand.Not that there’s much of a brand left, he thought, watching as Chase continued to walk backwards, chatting with Luce like a magpie bird, endless noise with little substance. Chase was doing well, holding onto his newfound drive fearlessly, so Benny had put off the next call of the day. The boy was important to Benny and needed to know it, so when his aunt came to town, and the runt wanted Benny to meet her, he’d by God make time to meet her. He snorted,By God? Thanks, GeeMa.
His attention sharpened when he knew Chase had somehow gone wrong with his recitation of a story, watching as Luce glanced up at first Chase, then Benny, fear flashing across her face. He stared at her. Luce wore her feelings on the surface all the time. You could look at her and know what she was thinking, and after the time spent together, he knew these nerves weren’t normal. Chase kept moving, so Benny didn’t get a chance to ask what was up before they hit the door and were inside, Chase shouting the house down.
In the massive kitchen, Chase greeted his father and Benny gave a chin lift to Mason, watching the comfortable affection the man offered his friend.Yeah, loves you more than you know, he thought with a grin.
A petite brunette was walking into the room. Benny knew this feminine version of Mason had to be the aunt. Benny was still focused on Lucia but heard Chase laugh when the woman stopped walking to mutter something to Mason. Slipping an arm around Luce’s waist, Benny pulled her close to him, wanting to settle her from whatever the mood was that took her confidence. “My Aunt Bethy,” Chase introduced half of the equation, giving a wave. Bethy whispered something else to Mason, pointing at Benny and he wondered if he’d found a closet fan or a hater. Then she stuck her hand out, taking a step towards Benny.
“Mr. Jones, it’s a real pleasure to meet you. I’m Bethany Taylor-Mason, a talent scout for Iron Indian Records.”Well, nice surprise. He knew a little about Iron Indian; they were solid, mostly into rockabilly music, but they had recently signed a group similar to Occupy Yourself.Hmmm. Benny reached out and shook her hand, starting with a small smile, but allowing it to morph into his flashy, plastic grin when she gave him an impressed eye flare, letting him know he was right. Closet fananda talent scout.Time to work it a little bit.
“Ms. Taylor-Mason.” He tipped his head to one side, keeping the smile going, “Please call me Benny.” Shoving his elbow into Chase’s side, hard, he ragged Chase a little because he hadn’t been primed to meet a representative. If the kid was going to be in a band, in the business, he needed to know what connections to leverage. “Little dude, you lose points for not telling me your aunt is hot.” Luce gave his waist a squeeze and he grinned; she understood the schmooze routine.
“But I gain points because I remembered this.” Chase dug around in the bag Lucia had on her shoulder. “One demo CD, coming up.” Case in hand, he reached out and handed it to his aunt who first looked like she was about to have a heart attack, but then made a happy face at her nephew.Definite fan.
“I’ll have to determine if I can clear some time on my schedule to give it a listen, Mr. Mason.” Joking with Chase, she ruffled his hair before turning back to Benny, her gaze assessing. “Seriously, if you are looking for a label, I can guarantee you an audition.”
Interesting. Tilting his head, Ben asked her, “How can you guarantee an audition if your label hasn’t listened to the demo.”
“Because I’m pretty sure ‘my label’ has already heard this in rehearsals.” She laughed and stuck her tongue out at Mason. “After all, your rhythm guitarist is living with him.” Benny skated a glance at Mason, then brought his attention back to Bethany.
Mason owns a record label. Hope had his heart thudding in his chest. This could be everything.Our luck is changing, he thought, then his mind skittered, echoes of Ruby on the phone from New Mexico ricocheting past, then a memory of Luce’s hands stroking up his back as he heaved.No. His thought was sharp, like a knife’s edge coming down on a string, severing bad from good.Good change this time.
