Page 59 of Born Into Trouble (Occupy Yourself)
Twenty-Nine
“Telling you, I’m not ready.” Gaze fixed to the toes of his boots, he couldn’t see Mercedes’ reaction. Didn’t want to, not like this, didn’t want her to know how freaked out he was at the idea. “You can’t go.” The silence grew until he couldn’t stand it anymore, looking up to see her staring at him.
“Bibi.” Her gaze on him was considering, and he took that as hopeful, thinking maybe she saw the error of her ways, which meant she wouldn’t do what she was threatening. “What do you need?”
The question surprised him because they’d moved past that kind of episode a long time ago. He hadn’t seriously been tempted in what seemed like forever, but he knew by the exact count of days that he was only months into this sobriety session. Staring at his boots again, knowing he sounded like a sullen child, he asked, “What?”
It took several minutes, but she finally responded. “What do you need, Bibi? What will make it better?”You not doing this, he thought as he looked up, but didn’t say. When she slowly shook her head, he knew she’d read it on his face anyway. “Bibi.” Her voice was soft. “You knew this day would come.”
“I didn’t expect it today.” Leaning back in the rolling chair behind the big mix board, he looked around the studio his brother had built.For me.
“I’m not talking today.” Her voice was echoing through the room, coming into the control room over the speakers. She was in one of the isolation booths with the door closed, but he could see her through the glass. He’d gotten a text from her to meet here, walked in to find she’d separated herself from him by two glass walls in order to have this conversation. Another way Mercedes made her point. “But you’re ready.”
“What if I’m not?” Laying out his worst fear, that he would go slipping sideways again. “What if I fuck up?” Lose everything.
“Does it matter how many times you fall?” He stared at her. She’d taught him that. Taught him so much. Taught him to think instead of react. Taught him to believe in himself instead of feeding the pit of fear gaping open inside him. “You are so much stronger than you know.”
“Don’t go.” His shadow for so long, threatening to separate from him and go dancing up the wall.Time to grow up. “I—”
“Bibi.” She said nothing else, didn’t move, merely held his gaze.
“I need you.”
At this, she did smile, faint movement at the corners of her mouth, the crinkling at the corners of her eyes indicating deep amusement. “I need you, too.” The backs of his eyes were burning, and his throat closed tight at those words, knowing what she truly meant. “I’ll always pick up.”
“Throwing me a bone?” Offering to stay connected, letting him have this, knowing he might need it. “You think I can do this?”
His question seemed to release her, and she stood to walk through the studio to where he sat. “Iknowyou can.” Small, waiflike, frail, quirky, and the strongest woman he had ever known. “My Bibi? He can do anything he sets his mind to.”
“Mercedes Griffwaldo, I kinda like you.” He intentionally mangled her name, as he had every time since the first day they met.
“My wife would appreciate it if you stopped doing that, Bibi.” She reached out, brushing his hair from his face and bent to press her lips to his forehead. Benediction.Love. “It’s pronounced grih-fith. G r u f f u d d. Grih-fith.”
“Am I ever going to get to meet her?” In all the months Mercedes lived in his pocket, he’d yet to lay eyes on her partner, Slate organized her vacation when he could be around, but Mercedes never took more than a couple of days at a time. “This mysterious woman you love?”
“She will be my plus-one at your wedding.”
