Page 26 of Cassie
Tell me
Cassie
She woke slowly, gradually, a process uncharacteristic of her normal sleep pattern which was typically a lingering drop off followed by waking so fast sometimes she would be seated on the side of the bed before her movement even registered.
Eyes still closed, cocooned in a pool of heat, the first thing that hit her was a scent.Hoss. Pervasive but not overpowering, it was intensely masculine and pleasant. She found it comforting, the suggestion of musk that always stayed with him, twined through the traces of leather and the road. Then she became aware that there was a heavy, male strength wrapped around her. Bare arms banded her belly and chest, hands had bunched up her shirt and were anchoring her in place. Her own hands had risen to cup the forearm and wrist of one arm, hard muscles underneath her palms reassuring.I’m not afraid. Quiet sounds came from behind her. The unhurried, measured breaths of air attested to the relaxed yet awake nature of the person sharing her bed.Shouldn’t I be afraid?
“Cassie.” Her murmured name was experienced as a rumbling wave of sound, traveling both through her back into her bones and across the air to her ears. The voice was rough with sleep, gravelly and deep—but still, she recognized it, giving validation to her memories. Her stomach gave a little lurch as her body reacted to the knowledge.Hoss is here. Her eyes opened, and she glanced down. The first thing she saw were arms, strong and sinewy, draped firmly over her body, holding her firmly against his hot form.He stayed. She let her eyelids sink closed again and in the silent darkness, she drew in an experimental breath. Deep and satisfying, it blew out as easily as it drew in, so she took another one. No panic. No fear. No unease at waking in this position. She felt relaxed and secure.He stayed with me all night. Again.
“Baby, you up?” This rough whisper came from beside her head, and she abandoned any pretense of sleep to make an unintelligible noise. He laughed softly, the gusts of his humor ghosting across her ear. “You good, Cassie?” She spent a moment to attempt an internal argument that she might still be sleeping, and if so, behaviors weren’t under her control. Instead of answering, she tipped her head and lifted her chin in invitation. It was less than a second before he accepted, lips touching hers in a soft kiss that pressed and pressed, then the tip of his tongue trailed across her lips, before his mouth was pressing again, softer than before. The act was undemanding, which left her feeling safe and cossetted. He treated it as routine, as if this were how they began every morning.
Hoss finished with an even softer peck before he nuzzled into her neck. It sent a bolt of desire through her when his lips and tongue trailed a heated path up her skin, and she arched to give him better access. She again got the ghosting of his breath across her skin when he growled, “Fucking hell, gorgeous. You’re killing me.” His hips shifted, and she felt the rough fabric of his jeans on her bare legs, then one hard thigh pushed between hers and lifted, resting against her core. “Cassie, stop it.”
Until he told her to stop, she wasn’t even aware she had been pushing her ass against him, but once she realized behind the fabric of his jeans was a hard, hot cock, she couldn’t have stopped even if she wanted to. Which she didn’t. “Hoss.” Any other words escaped her, lost as she was in the wave of desire for him. She tipped her ass to find an angle and pushed until his hands clamped on her tighter, arms squeezing.I want this. With desperation she didn’t recognize, she wanted him to make love to her. “Hoss.” She set her teeth to work and nibbled along his arm, followed by a brush of her palm across the muscles.
His hands moved, sliding down and around her body as he changed position with her, rolling them, then he was over her and kissing her hard, his mouth covering hers and she couldn’t breathe. It was across her face and she couldn’t breathe. His weight was on her, holding her down, holding her down…holding her…down.
***
Hoss
Hoss knew the instant her movements went from nervous desire to frantic escape. Her hand shoved at his chest while the other had fisted and battered at his shoulder. Startled, he jerked away and found a blank terror mask covering her features.Jesus God. Cassie wasn’t in control right now, this was pure terror. A woman working on raw instinct and fighting to get away, to push him away. Desperate to escape.Fuck.
He had laid awake and studied her most of the night without coming to understand what had happened. Couldn’t figure out what she’d lived through to give her such pain. Since he didn’t know that, there wasn’t any way he could know what he had done to trigger it now, but sure as shit, just like last night, what Cassie was going through was on him.I did this. Not knowing what caused the attack, he felt at a loss as to what would better it, so he rapidly ran back over their conversations in his mind. The times they had talked, when he had seen her nearly fall into a panic, but pull herself out.
My voice brought her back last night. Desperate to soothe her, Hoss started talking. Not trying to hold or restrain her, just staying close, he let her hammer at him with her fists and feet, praying she could hear him. “Bravest fucking woman I know,” he said. “I don’t know much about you, but I know you’re brave, Cassie.” Again and again, he spoke of his admiration for her courage, the beauty she had inside her heart, and how he hoped she could trust him.
Gradually her twisting, jerking movements slowed, the unformed sounds of terror clamped behind tightly closed lips trailed off, but were immediately followed by heart-wrenching sobs. Pain and grief and fear ran through those sounds, each of them burned and bit until he knew the memory would be etched on his soul forever.
“Cassie, honey.” Voice shaking, he called out, frantic to break through to her. “Come back to me. Come on, my gorgeous girl, give me those eyes.”
***
Cassie
The pain was what brought her back, surfacing her from the sucking well of panic and fear. Muscles too long tensed were rebelling, and strips of flesh writhed powerfully underneath her skin to wrench a gasp from her throat even as she tried to hold it in.
“Jesus, honey.” She heard the hissed words and then there were hands on her thigh. Pressure dug in to rub firmly at her muscles. Cassie jerked and recoiled in surprise, then found herself brought back to the middle of the mattress by a firm arm around her waist. “Let me help you, sweetheart.”
“Hoss,” she whispered his name and wished it weren’t true, but knew it was. He had stayed.He saw. He saw me. This was like her worst nightmare brought to life.
“Yeah, Cassie.” His voice came from above her, but he wasn’t close, wasn’t leaned into her. He spoke from an unthreatening distance away. His hard hands continued to work her muscles, finally easing the painful cramps as stubborn knots gave up the fight. “I’m here, gorgeous.” She remembered hearing those words, remembered his voice cutting through her panic a couple of times, enough for her to tell him to leave, at least.Not that he listened. Her annoyance was followed by a wave of realization that she was glad he hadn’t.
“You stayed.” Sick to her stomach because those were not the words she’d intended to say, but as she spoke, his hand stilled, her skin chilling for a moment before he continued.
“Yeah, babe. I stayed.” Soft and sweet, his voice wrapped around her like a layer of cotton, reassuring and filled with something that sounded like a promise.
No promises. She covered her face and turned away.Promises were made to be broken. Hidden in the exhausted darkness, she gave him honesty. “I wish you hadn’t. I hate when people see. It always feels like I’m on display.”
“Babe,” he said softly. “I’m here.” His hands seemed to hesitate again, then moved up her thighs and paused there, his thumbs rubbing gently. “Nowhere else I’d want to be, if you’ll let me stay.” His hands glided up the outside of her thighs and over her hips to the bare flesh of her stomach. He smiled at her, then gripped her waist. “I’m here.” Hoss held her motionless with the weight of his stare. There was an intensity to his expression she didn’t recognize, and sudden nervousness made Cassie shift restlessly.
Hoss glanced down to where his hands held her body. She knew the moment he saw it—saw them—because his eyes flew back up, fastening on hers. “Cassie,” he breathed her name. Heat rose in her cheeks, scalding her skin as his fingertips trailed down the silvery lines on her belly. Her belly jolted, going concave as his thumb traced the scar that slashed across from hip to hip. “You got a kid?”
“No.” Her voice quavered, and she fisted her hands in the sheets.
Hoss shook his head, the expression on his face strained. “Baby, can’t deny the evidence written on your body.” He frowned, brows drawing together in a scowl as his hands slowed. “You got a kid. You carried him here”—his hot palm covered her stomach, a surprisingly intimate touch that caused her breath to hitch—“and you got a C-section scar.”
Grief broke over her then, and she closed her eyes again, shutting him out, refusing to watch his face change once he knew. “No. I don’t have a child. I did have, for nearly nine months. Then I didn’t.”
“Oh, baby,” he whispered, and she knew she was crying when his thumb swept her cheek, smoothing the wet away, leaving chilled, barren skin behind. He moved then, shifting to lie on his back before he gathered her up as he had the night before, arm around her, comforting, supporting. Once they were settled, he ordered, “Tell me.” His stern voice brooking no argument, as if he had the right to know.
