Page 27 of Cassie
So fucking brave
Hoss
Hoss hadn’t known what he was asking. As had once happened with a much younger Sammy—when he’d used the boy’s mother’s phrase of “no lies”, which had told Sammy a serious, no-shit conversation was coming—he had said those two words “tell me” without knowing what he’d bought.
When she was done talking and had cried herself out, once more falling asleep on his chest, Hoss let the story she’d stumbled through play out again in his mind.
Eighteen years ago, Cassandra Williamson had been finishing her degree in forensic investigation downstate, studying in the library most nights if she wasn’t working. Twenty-one years old, she had been in the wrong place, wrong time, just walking home after cramming for a test. Normal night, normal routine, moon shining down without a care. Everything seemed fine on her normal route—until it wasn’t.
“I was conscious through the whole thing.” Her voice wavered then firmed, and he threaded his fingers through hers, giving her something to hold to as she talked. “I was on the sidewalk in front of this house that was for sale. I didn’t see or hear anything. There was nothing, no warning. One minute I was headed home, and the next my ears were ringing and I was being dragged into this empty backyard.” She gave his hand a squeeze. “The moon was so pretty. I remember thinking that.”
“They raped you.” Not a question, but Hoss still needed to be certain how this tied to the scar on her belly.
“Yes. They took turns holding me down. It hurt so much. I’d had sex, had boyfriends, you know?” Her voice was thin with the painful memories. “But that didn’t matter. It was different from having sex with someone you know. They just took from me. They didn’t say anything, but it was so noisy.” Cassie’s cheek pressed tighter to his chest. “I couldn’t see their faces.”
“They wore masks?” Her hair moved on his chest as she nodded. “Were they caught?”
“No.”
“So, no trial?” He tightened his arm around her shoulders, bringing her closer. The Rebels had dealt with this kind of thing in the past, and he wouldn’t be above asking them to help him find retribution for her if they could.
“No. No arrests and no trial.” She scoffed deep in her throat, and the painful sound rocked him. Something else must have happened to make her feel so angry. “Not a court trial at least. The trial of public opinion, though? I lost that battle early on.”
“Your friends didn’t believe you?” Hard to believe his Cassie didn’t have friends, not when she was so beautiful and sweet.
“My friends, yeah. But I didn’t have a lot of those. The other kids had their own ideas. It didn’t matter that I had bruises and stitches, didn’t matter how many times I talked about trying to fight them off. How my voice was gone for days from the screaming.” Every word washed over him like a cold wave, leaching strength from his bones. She painted an unforgettable image with her words, and even the remembered pain in her voice was killing him.I’m a coward. She lived through it, the least I can do is listen.
“Babe.” Strangled, the word was a poor substitute for the comfort he wanted to give her, but she shook her head.
“Let me finish. I only have it in me for this once.” He nodded. She took a deep breath. “Either I was the poor, violated girl who needed to be pitied. The girl who was as fragile as a porcelain vase, so they had to tiptoe around me. Or I was the girl with nothing to lose. A sleaze who got more than I bargained for.” Her hand caressed his chest, the trembling touch of her fingers a tattoo of fear. “A slut who had too good a time.”
“Jesus.” He put a bent knuckle under her chin and lifted her face to his, brushing a kiss across her lips. “No more, baby. No more, please.”
“I have to. You asked for it. ‘Tell me.’” Her eyes glimmered with tears, and he watched as wetness clumped her lashes together. “I have to.”
“Then do it. I’m here, Cassie.” His promise to her, no matter how it killed him to keep it.
“I heard it all.” She nestled against him again, pulling her chin back down to hide her eyes. He allowed the distance, willing to give her whatever she needed to get through the next few minutes. “Every whisper in the hallways. Every laugh from behind a closed dorm room door. They speculated on so many variables, trying to convince themselves I’d deserved it. That it was my fault somehow. Maybe my skirt was too short. Maybe I flirted too hard. What if I was drunk or on drugs.” She paused, and he cradled the back of her head, holding her in place. “Maybe I asked for it. Took a walk on the wild side and then had buyer’s remorse, crying wolf.” Her palm flattened over his heart. “I wasn’t any of those things, but they didn’t care. They only cared about how they could twist the story.
“When they were done with me, I couldn’t move for the longest time.” He knew she was talking about the rapists now, not the students, because her heart had started to thunder in her chest again, beating solidly against his ribs where she lay. “I made it to the campus clinic.” Her barked laughter held no humor, only pain. “I scared the receptionist. Coming in bleeding and crying, looking over my shoulder every step. They’d cut my clothes for access, and hadn’t been careful. There were ribbons of blood on my arms, my legs. I remember seeing a bloody sneaker print on the floor. I still had my shoes on, you know? It seemed surreal that they could have gotten to the most intimate parts of me, but I still had my shoes on.” Cassie’s voice sunk to a whisper. “The campus officers showed up halfway through the exam. They stood right outside the canvas curtain, joking and laughing. It was like I had no privacy, even in this super vulnerable moment, you know? These men who were sworn to protect the students knew what had happened, what the doctor had told them, and they still were just crude about it. The nurse who was doing the rape kit apologized for them. Surreal.”
“They were glorified security guards. Why didn’t the clinic call the cops? Fuckers should have had their asses handed to them.” Hoss felt Cassie’s lips touch his chest. “That shit ain’t right, babe.”
“No, it’s not, but they didn’t have any kind of training for what happened to me.”
“Doesn’t excuse them being idiots. Even if they didn’t realize how damaging that kind of callous behavior could be. Assholes.” He flexed his arms, giving her a squeeze. “I’m so sorry, honey.”
“It was a long time ago, Hoss.”
“Doesn’t make it less painful for you. I don’t want that for you, Cassie.” He kissed the top of her head. “Only good things from here on out, promise.”
“You can’t promise that.”
“Just did.”
They lay there silently for a moment, then she picked up the thread of her story. “They did quieten down eventually. It hurt, what the nurse and doctor had to do for the exam. When I started crying, they got quiet.”
“Shouldn’t have taken your pain to remind them to be human.”
