Page 70 of Cassie
Better than okay
Hoss
Blowing out a slow, steadying breath, Hoss looked around the gallery with satisfaction. Over the past weeks, he’d enlisted Faith’s help to sort through and select canvases he would place with Tamara, and pick out a few more for display on the walls. That meant he’d had to cycle pieces from the gallery to the other parts of the house, and that had started him thinking.
After consulting with both Faith and Sammy, Hoss had gone to work creating spaces to put new collections throughout their living space, but he didn’t fill them with things already in the gallery. He’d shown his kids the images he had of Cassie’s arrangements, and both had been as blown away as he had been by the way Cassie had changed their perception of the art, had made it more meaningful with her accenting pieces.
The weeks since the event at the Diamante clubhouse in Ohio had been tough, and he had spent many of them torn between wanting to be where he needed to be. The problem was, he was needed in two places. On the one hand, he couldn’t fathom leaving Faynez to her own devices. First, she’d shown terrible decision-making with her risky choices, and it had still felt like more than a normal teenage rebellion, which meant they’d had to have painfully exposing conversations.
At least she finally opened up and told me what was wrong. That had been a conversation he wouldn’t have expected in a thousand years.
“Daddy?” Faith’s voice trembled, and Hoss instinctively reached out and wrapped an arm around her. He pulled her across the couch cushions to his side, holding her close. “Can I ask you a question and you won’t be mad?”
“Baby girl, you need to ask me whatever you need to know, and let me worry about my reaction.” He shook his head. “You know you can come to me with anything.”
“This is about Mom.” She’d spoken so quickly the words piled together into one long sound and it took him a moment to understand. When he did, he deliberately tried to keep his body loose, relaxed, giving her the space to ask whatever it was that had been eating at her. He’d seen the sideways glances she’d been giving him all day and had feared for a while it would be something about the kidnapping, something she hadn’t admitted to having happened yet, something that would break a part of him inside. It was almost a relief that whatever had occupied her brain all day wasn’t that, but about Hope.
“Ask me anything.” He gave her a squeeze. “Your momma is one of my favorite things to talk about.” Even a year ago that would have been a bald-faced lie forced through painful memories, but these days, he’d found the stories about Hope came easier, and he expected Cassie had a lot to do with that.
“The day she died.” Faith paused and swallowed, her throat clicking loudly. “It’s my birthday.” He nodded, because she was right. Although separated by hours, Faith’s birth in the early morning hours had landed on the same day her mother left this world. “Daddy.” Her voice cracked and she turned and buried her face against his shoulder. “Never mind.”
“No, baby. Ask. Get this out. You can’t let it sit like that. Tell me what you need to know about that day.” He had a tiny niggling of an idea, but couldn’t bring it out yet, because if he were right, then this needed to be his baby girl’s ask.
“Did I…did she die because of me? Did I kill Mom?”
Hoss rocked backwards as tears filled his eyes.Dammit, no. “No, baby girl.” He heard the trembling in his own voice and cleared his throat, trying to swallow the tears. “No, sweetheart. You did not kill Hope. She had a condition. It’s got a name a mile long, but it basically means she had a cluster of veins in her head that put her at risk of stroke. Her death coincided with the end of the pregnancy and your birth, but those events weren’t what triggered it.” He shifted and lifted her, bringing his girl to his lap so she could curl her arms around his neck, knowing tears were already flowing down her face. “Your momma had fainting spells and headaches. She’d get mad at herself every time it happened, and boy, she was funny when she was pissed. I didn’t ever tell her I thought that about how she acted, because then she’d have gotten pissed at me, and that wasn’t funny.” He chuckled. “I hated when she got mad at me.” Hoss held his daughter tighter, giving her an admission of something he’d held close for all these years. “If I’d only taken her to a doctor we might have learned the cause of her episodes, but we might not have. The doc I talked to after she passed was clear on that. There wasn’t a single thing we could have done differently that would have extended her life after that cluster of veins gave way.”
“I didn’t know that.” It took more than a minute for Faith to stutter out those few words, gulping sobs between each sound and Hoss smiled, feeling streams of salt pouring down his own cheeks. Pain and relief lay just under each of her words, and he’d given her the one taking away the other.
“Now you do. You’ve been carrying this by yourself, haven’t you? Never said a word to Sammy, because he’d have come to me. And never said a word to me. Why not, Faynez? Why do this to yourself, honey?” He knew the answer, but it couldn’t be debated until it was out of her head and on the wind, so he needed her to say it aloud.
“I…I didn’t want—” She stopped and shoved her face against his neck with a sob. Mumbled, her next words broke his heart. “I didn’t want to make you sad. You and Sammy got sad about Mom a lot. You got sad and didn’t like to talk about her much. Until Cassie. She’s fixed you somehow, and I couldn’t. Daddy, don’t be mad. I just couldn’t make you sad like that.”
“What a burden you’ve carried, baby girl. Caring for Sammy and me at the cost of your own peace of mind. Never hide your fears and concerns. Never. It’s a lot easier to lay things out there and see what comes of it, instead of bottling it up inside.” He tightened his arms around her. “Thank you for trusting me with this now, Faith. It means a lot to me.”
They sat like that for a long time, the light fading from the windows and shadows creeping across the floor to rest at his feet. Finally, when Faith’s tears had run their course, she loosened her grip on his neck and sat up, pushing at her hair with one hand. “Garrett’s coming over tonight.” He smiled and lifted a hand, stroking her hair behind her ear. “I should get busy with dinner.”
“Nah, let’s order in tonight. You know what he likes from that Indian place, right?” She nodded. “Order that, and do me a favor?”
She blinked at him and then grinned, the expression at odds with her still swollen eyes, but he loved her even more for not trying to hide her pain from him anymore. “Want me to text Cassie and see what she’d like for supper, too?”
Oh, baby girl. His Faynez was going to be such a good woman.You see her, Hope? See what you made?“You got your old man’s number already? Man, I can’t slip anything past you these days.” He lifted her and set her on her feet, looking up from his seat. “I’d appreciate it, honey.”
“I’m on it!” She took a couple steps and twisted, looking back at him. “Thank you, Daddy.”
“Anything for you, baby girl. I love you.” God, how he loved her.She’s you all over, Hope. Their daughter was beauty and light wrapped up around a heart so big and good it was enough to take your breath away.
“Love you, too.” In a whirlwind of flying hair, she was gone, running through the house to get her phone.
That had been a week ago, and watching his baby girl relax was a blessing. Still, the idea she’d carried so much fear still tore at him, and when he talked it over with Cassie later, she’d empathized with both of them. Her take on it was Faith’s intelligence wouldn’t have let the confluence of dates go unnoticed, and her love for her father would have tried to protect him from what might be the most painful memory of all.
The buzzer from the gate announced a visitor and Hoss’ heart rate doubled.She’s here. He walked to the front of the house and waited a beat as he pulled in a deep breath. Then he opened the door and strode out just as Cassie pulled up in the drive, the rumble of her pipes rattling his bones in a well-known way, just like the sight of her in her leathers and helmet rocked his heart familiarly.I love her.
She tipped her head and gave him a grin, then worked through the process of parking the bike and dismounting.And she loves me, he reminded himself.I’m the lucky one here.
“Get on up here, woman. I’m needin’ to wrap my arms around you.” That had been the second piece where he’d been torn, because as much as Faynez needed him here, Cassie had needed to be in her own space where she felt safest. She’d come here for two nights afterwards, but then had carefully told him she was going home. The look on her face told him she wanted him with her but would never ask, and he was grateful for her understanding that his kids had to come first, always.Which is why what I’m gonna ask her is the best possible solution. Parking select brothers in her kitchen was something she’d given in grudgingly on, and that was her silent understanding that he’d needed to know in his soul she was safe.
He opened his arms wide and caught her as she ran to him, putting actions to his words and wrapping his arms tightly around her back and shoulders, cradling her head with the palm of one hand. Fingers in her hair, he tipped her head up, feeling her lips grazing along his throat in a way that had his dick interested. He angled her face and dropped his mouth to hers, starting slow, feeling the chill of the wind on her lips, chasing along the seam of her mouth with his tongue and eating down her moan as she opened to him.God, this woman.
