Page 2 of Hard Focus
“I think…” Adrianne’s sweet voice trailed off a moment. Then she finished with a questioning tone, “Betty and Diana.Isthose good names, Miss Connie?”
Adrianne was a darling little girl. Sweet and well-behaved, she seemed the perfect child. She could be reserved, but she’d only known Connie for a few months, so that should be expected.
“Those are perfect names, sweetheart. My mother’s name is Diana, so I love that name a lot.Sweet namesfor your sweet dollies. So, have you thought about what you want for lunch?”
Adrianne’s mother, on the other hand?Connie shook her head.Talk about an ex from hell. The woman seemed to go out of her way to make things difficult for Jonas to see their daughter. If he was late, by even a couple of minutes, her door would be locked tightandhe’d be out of luck, not even getting to speak to his little girl until the next scheduled weekend visit. And forget about special requests to change things up. One of his visitations had been supposed to fall on Mother’s Day weekend, and Jonas had tried to be a good guy and switch days so Adrianne could spend that holiday with her mother, and inturn,have Father’s Day with him. It was a no-go on that idea. Audrey had informed him, via one of her brothers, that if he gave up his weekend, it would simply be a month before he saw Adrianne again.
“Maybe…” Trailing off again, Adrianne shifted her gaze out the opposite side window, turning away from both the house and Connie. Her voice was soft when she said, “I’m sorry. I’m notasuppostto ask for special things.”
Connie smiled at the little girl. Adrianne seemed surprisingly immune to all the arguing and strife that surrounded her every other weekend, but Connie still wanted to protect her as best she could. “Well today, in this car? I’ll make you a deal. You can ask for all the special things you want.” Adrianne turned and stared at her. “Doesn’t mean you’ll always get them, but it doesn’t hurt to ask.” Connie gave her the single best piece of advice her own father had given her. “If no one knows you’re asking, then the answer will always be no. You’ve got to use your words and your voice to tell people what you want.”
“Okay.” Adrianne kept her gaze on Connie, the child’s direct focus unsettling. “In that case, I want ice cream.” A brilliant smile flashed across the little girl’s face, wiped away as she sobered when the driver door opened, Jonas folding his compact form into the car.
“Hey, pumpkin. How are you?” His voice heldforcedpleasantness when he twisted to look at Adrianne, resting a possessive hand on Connie’s thigh. She stiffened slightly as he stroked her leg over the fabric of her jeans. “Did I hear somebody say ice cream?”
“Yes...” Adrianne’s voice was soft, uncertain. “Sir.”
“No hello for your daddy?”
“Hi, Daddy.” Adrianne glanced between the two of them. “Is Uncle Cole mad at me? Did I do wrong?”
And that explains her uneasiness, Connie thought. Adrianne was just a sweet little girl, caught in the midst of an ongoing adult skirmish and fight she had no way of understanding.I don’t understand it either.
“No, pumpkin. He’s not mad at you.” Jonas shifted, thrusting his seat belt in place with a quick movement, the forcefulness of the motion showing how tightly his anger was leashed.
“Is he mad at you?” Adriannestaredout the opposite window again, leaning back as Jonas put the car in reverse.
“Uncle Cole is going to be whatever Uncle Cole wants to be, pumpkin. Doesn’t have a thing to do with you or me. He can be mad, or he can get glad, and that’s okay because it’ll be whatever he wants it to be.” Jonas glanced towards Connie, unable to hide the deep scowl that carved taut lines in his face. He kept it from his voice when he told Adrianne, “Your Uncle Cole always does what he wants to do, and it doesn’t matter who gets caught in the crossfire.” He pulled in a harsh breath, and Connie watched as he lowered his shoulders and rolled his neck slightly. In a deliberately lighter tone of voice, he used sing-song to tell Adrianne, “Now, let’s see about getting some food into my two best girls before we jump straight to dessert.”
Connie turned to look out the side window in time to see Cole Stewart, Audrey’s oldest brother, slam his way through the door and into the house, residual anger evident in every move. For each pick-up or drop-off, it would be either him or one of his two younger brothers who came and stood like a barrier between Jonas and Audrey. The Stewart boys never failed to make an appearance, and they all equally acted like they felt Jonas was their worst enemy. As if he were something loathsome underneath their feet.
Adrianne they loved, and that was clear in the ways in which they handled the little girl with gentle kindness. Connie would be willing to place a bet that Cole would be waiting tomorrow afternoon when Jonas dropped his daughter off again, and for that interaction, there’d be no words exchanged between the adults, but the rugged-looking man would tenderly gather Adrianne up as she’d seen him do a dozen times, turning his back on Jonas and Connie to sweep his niece and her tiny bag into the house.
Away they’d go for another two weeks, leaving Jonas standing alone in the driveway. Connie had oftenthoughtthat watchingthis entire custody danceplay outtime after time made the best birth control ever, illustrating just how one mistake could impact so many lives.
Jonas never once indicated he felt Adrianne was a mistake, but how could her birth be anything else when there was so much anger and blame flung around?
***
“Where are you going?” Jonas’ question came just as strong fingers gripped her wrist and he chuckled as he lungedbackwards, his tight grip tumbling Connie back onto the couch beside him. Her elbow came down across his chest,andhe grunted, then growled a pained, “Ow.”
“I was going to the kitchen to get you another beer before I have to head home.” Connie disengaged from him and twisted in place, wedging her shoulder into the cushions so she could see his face. He had one hand shoved behind his head, and the flickering light of the TV scarcely illuminated his features, but what she could make out had gone from laughing to stoic, his expression now lined with frustration. “Now that you’ve gone all caveman, I’m not sure I want to get you anything. Maybe I’ll just be on my wayandyou can get your own beer.”
He stared at her without blinking, the light reflecting from his eyes. Abruptly he released her wrist and used that palm to scrub over his face, the scruff of his five o’clock shadow rasping against his hand. “Jesus, Connie. I don’t get why you won’t stay over when Adrianne’s here. It’s not like she’s going to hear or see anything. She’s a kid, for Christ’s sake.”
“Jonas.” She pitched her voice low, staying quiet in an effort to not disturb the little girl sleeping just up the hallway, bedroom door left open a crack because she sometimes had nightmares. “She’d see me in the morning, and her little girl brain will store that info and process it. She might not be old enough right now to know why I’d want to be here all night, but at somepoint,that little girl is going to grow up. When she does, she’s going to look to the people around her for insight into how adults act. You don’t want her making bad decisions, do you?”
“No, of course not. But that’s for future-Jonas to worry about. Right now, what I want is for you to stay with me. Between your job and your friends, I don’t get to see you enough as it is.” He turned to face her, head proppedon one hand. The other traced aline upand down her arm, the soft touch raisinggoose bumpson her skin. She shiveredandhe smiled. “Come on, baby. Stay with me.”
Connie looked at him, seeing only sincerity and affection on his face now. “Not tonight.” His mouth thinned, lips turning into a slash across his face. “Don’t be mad at me, Jonas. IpromiseI’ll see you soon.”
“Dammit, why can’t you just stay?” He rolled away to sit on the edge of the couch. Thrusting his fingers through his hair, he muttered, “Never mind. I’ll see you after I take the kid home I guess.”
Connie wavered for a moment. Then the decision was made for her by a rising wail from Adrianne’s room of, “Mommy.”
“Jesus.” Jonas stood and faced the hallway. “I hate this. If I go in, she’ll freak out because I’m notMommy. If I don’t go in, then I’m the asshole who can’t comfort his kid.”
Connie rose to stand beside him. She reached for his hand and threaded her fingers through his. “You’re not an a-hole.” They stood and listened, but the cry wasn’t repeated. Adrianne was prone to nightmares, and sometimes the bad dreams would hold her in their grip unending. Connie had sat beside the child’s bed more than one night, stroking her hair and trying to soothe her. He was right, though. If he entered Adrianne’s room when she was caught up in a dream, it seemed to ratchet things to a higher level, extending the night terrors for his daughter. He still looked unsure, and shaking his hand gently, Connie reassured him, “You’re a good father.”
