Page 33 of Hard Focus
“He was waiting for me outside, and then forced his way in. I didn’t let him do anything. But that was the first time I was really scared of him.” She paused for a minute thinking. “That was after Addy’s birthday. He’d told me to pick her up,andI knew it was a bad idea, but he said he was stuck at work.” Cole laughed harshly. “What?”
“He blamed me for that, but I didn’t have anything to do with it.” Cole placed the last dish in the dishwasher and opened the cabinet under the sink, grunting in satisfaction when he found the detergent. “If I’d thought about it, I would have.”
“What happened? I was so angry with him I didn’t care enough to ask.” Connie locked the machine’s door and pushed the cycle button, then backed away to lean against the countertop again.
Cole took the damp rag and wiped down the faucet and handles. “His PO showed up at work and had an impromptu interview.”
“Probation officer.” Connie hummed. “Now it all makes sense. He was so angry. I was glad Audrey didn’t let him have Addy.”
“Alden told us to hold him to the letter of the agreement the courts forced on her. No changes, no late pickup, no late drop-off. He never pushed that last, thank goodness, because it would have been traumatic for Addy to watch him get arrested for kidnapping.”
“Kidnapping?” Connie felt her eyes go wide and Cole nodded.
“If he’d been late dropping Addy off, that’s what the charges would have been. He seemed to have a sixth sense for skirting the edges of things. Never quite getting to that point.” Cole turned and angled a hip against the countertop. He stared at Connie for a moment. “So once you had a sense he wasn’t as advertised, you cut him loose?”
“Pretty much. The zoo trip started it, and then that last disastrous scene at Audrey’s cinched the deal for me. I’ve got a good life, great friends, and I know my own worth. I wasn’t about to let a man like that trytotear me down to fit whatever mold he had in mind.”
“I’m glad for you. That he showed his ass like that. I just wish I understood. I keep thinking if I understand, then I’ll be able to make things better somehow.” He shrugged, gesturing helplessly. “It doesn’t sit well with me. I’m a fixer.”
She smiled. “No doubt. Sounds like it’s in your genes. What do your younger brothers do for a living?”
“Ryan’s a teacher. He’s after Audrey in the line-up. Ethan’s studying to be a doctor, and he’s like Aud that way, got the smarts to make it happen. We’re all proud of them.”
“I bet they’re proud of you, too.”
“Maybe. Probably.” He shrugged and snorted a laugh. “No, I know they are. We’re a demonstrative family. How about your folks, what do they think about you working in a fancy law office?”
“You already know my dad’s a cop.” His gaze sharpened and he stared at her, a slow understanding edging into his expression. “No, really, that makes me feel evenmore dense. I feel like just with my genetics, I should have sensed something.” She swallowed and tried to ignore her disappointment in herself. “Dad’s been a cop my whole life. I always knew anything I did would get back to him, so it was easier to not do anything I wouldn’t mind him knowing. I wasn’t a goodie-goodie, but Isure mindedmy step.” She smiled. “Nelly, my sister, is less of astep-minder,if you know what I mean. Our parents are awesome, but I think they weren’t quite sure what to do with her. Audrey’s lucky Addy’s so good.”
“Yeah. Lucky.” He sighed and looked away. “I struggle with that, you know? Feeling like she’s lucky to be alive and that Addy was born healthy, and at the sametime,I’m angry I feel that way. I wanted to hate someone so much for what happened, and there was not even a suspect at first. It wasn’t until after Addy was born they did a DNA test and identified Thompson as Audrey’s attacker. Then we had a face to go with the act, and I gotta say, itsometimes kills mehow Addy looks like him. To know that every day Audrey has to look Addy in the face and see Thompson. It just never ends.”
“Is that how she feels?”
“What?” He looked startled at her question. “No. I don’t know. I didn’t ask. But once you know and look at her, it’s clear. You can’t unsee it. How could she not think about it?” He shrugged.
“Maybe she just sees her little girl?” Connie hoped and prayed that was thecase,because the thought of Audrey having to survive through memories of the rape again every day was terrible. She couldn’t imagine how it would feel if Audrey’s first thought every time she saw little Addy was of how she’d been conceived. “I know she loves her. Addy was chock full of stories about her mom, and Audrey’s love was clearly in the forefront of everything.”
“Well, yeah. We all love her. She’s so sweet. But…” He trailed offandConnie gave him a moment before prompting.
“But?”
“Maybe it’s just me. Hell, I don’t know anymore. We never talk about it. But, I love my sister. Love that little girl. How can I love her and still hate half her DNA? How does that even compute?” He didn’t wait for an answer, seeming to argue familiar ground within his own head. “It doesn’t, I know. But half of her came from a rapist. A violent criminal. How do I separate that from the half that came from my sweet sister?”
“You can’t. But you can’t look at it like that, either.” Connie walked to him and laid her hand on his arm. Heat spread through her at the touchandshe almost jerked away. He reached up and covered her hand with his, holding her in place. “You love the person, not the circumstances around what happened. That’s normal, I think. Normal to hate what happened. So go ahead and hate what happened, but accept that something good came out of it. Addy’s your niece, and she loves you. She knows you love her, too. That’s all she’s taken fromit,because like the good man you seem to be, that’s what you’ve given her. Her Uncle Cole is her favorite, and trust me, Addy makes no bones about where you stand in her esteem.” His hand tightened around hers. “So what you need to do is ignore the science, and when you can, ignore the anger at Jonas. Instead, try to focus on the love you have for your sister. Trust her. If she seems happy to love Addy, then she probably is.” She smiledandhe stared down at her, lips parted as he listened. “I think it would be so much easier to hate, but this road is the right one to walk. Take itstep-by-step, leave the pain of what happened behind you as best you can, and focus on the love in front of you.”
“Focus on the love?”
“Yeah, it’s hard. A hard focus to hold. But I think it’ll be worth it.”
***
Cole
He stared at Connie and let her words soak in deep, washing away part of the guilt and pain he’d carried for years. In a single night, she’d laid waste to so many of his fears, turning what he believed on its head as she pulled truth from the air like miracles.
He hadn’t been sure he’d be welcome, but after arguing bitterly with himself for days, had finally decided to man up andcometalk to her.
Fortunately for me, she was hungry. He hadn’t enjoyed an evening this much in so long he couldn’t remember the last time. Cooking for her calmed his nerves, and the first time she’d forked a bite between her lips, the soft hum of enjoyment had made his heart swell three sizes, causing his chest to get tight.
