Page 29 of Gotta Dig Deep
The room where Penn had died.
Glenna had been with him when he passed. Curled up in the bed at his side, so much more room than even two weeks prior, she’d had ample space to bring her knees to her chest and still curl next to his withered body. Fingers twined together like a childhood prayer, wet cheek pressed to his shoulder, she’d watched his face as he’d breathed in and out. In and out. In, so slowly, then a softer exhale that went on forever. His chest hadn’t risen again.
Thirty minutes later, the nurse had come in to check on him—on them, and she’d given Glenna a look filled with such sorrow, it had weight, driving Glenna against the mattress. When she’d opened her mouth, Glenna had held up a hand and shook her head. “I know.” Acknowledging the last thing she’d wanted to happen.
Cooter’s words ran back through her mind, loud and jarring. He had to have known what her answer would be, but still he’d asked. And regardless of her refusal, he’d be here tomorrow with his father and brothers to help her work the cattle. If she asked, he’d climb a ladder to scrape and paint the window frames. Without complaint. Because that’s the kind of man he was.
“I’m not ready.” She slid down the wall just inside the room, staring at the carelessly arranged furniture.
After the rented hospital bed and machines were all returned to the pharmacy, the room had stood bare for weeks. A span of open flooring declaring to anyone the tragedy it had witnessed.
One night Glenna had been prowling the house in the dark and she’d stumbled over the loveseat where it was shoved into a corner of the dining room. Sailor-worthy curses fled her tongue, spilling over her lips like a creek in flood.
Filled with fevered purpose, she’d spent the next couple of hours traversing the house to retrieve every piece of furniture that had been displaced to make room for the things Penn had needed. Gathered into the space, the seating and tables took up too much room, so she’d moved them around, and around, and around, never quite landing on an arrangement that felt right.
This room was where her heart had been carved from her chest. It seemed fitting that even the furniture reflected the hole left behind.
Five years wasn’t long enough.
“I might never be ready.”
***
Glenna removed her ball cap and swept the back of one wrist across her forehead.Need to grab a bandana at lunch.Tying the fabric around her head would keep the sweat from running into her eyes for the afternoon.
With a knee propped on the seat of the four-wheeler, she rested a moment, watching Cooter and his brother working together to move the culls through a narrow alley and into the last holding pen. The truck would be here within the hour, at least that was the promise, but nothing had run according to plan so far today.
“Haw cow,” she shouted, rolling the throttle of the vehicle as she braced herself against the sudden movement. She picked up speed and swung wide around the tail end of the group she was moving to a handling pen. These were the keepers, her choice cows, either bred or with calves at their side, the open heifers, and the herd bull.
Just as the last cow fled through the open gate, the bull rounded on Glenna, head down, white slobber slung to the ground on either side and over his shoulders as he pawed the earth, threatening her. A couple of the younger cows stopped too, crowding closer to him, eyeing the opening. Glenna stared at the bull, reading annoyance in his posture. No fear, which could have made him genuinely dangerous. She bailed off the vehicle and raced for the gate, swinging it hard at the locking post, following with her hands extended to catch the gate as it rebounded.
“Jesus, Glenna.” Cooter’s voice sounded right behind her, and she glanced over her shoulder as she secured the bolt, slamming it home just before the bull made an abbreviated run at the gate. The drawn expression on Cooter’s features surprised her.
“What?” Holding her cap by the brim, she waved it at the bull who snorted as he wheeled away. “He’s a lotta hot air.”
“He’s a thousand pounds of pissed off.” Cooter double-checked the locking bolt. “He coulda run over the gate and taken you with it.”
“Nah, he’s a sweetheart. Just annoyed about being put in the pen, which he knows meant a vet visit. Horatio hates those. Plus all the commotion.” She shrugged and slogged back to the four-wheeler. “You guys get the sales stock sorted out?”
“Glenna, you gotta have a care.” Cooter’s hand landed low on her back and Glenna clumsily wrenched herself out of his hold. “Did you think more on what I asked you yesterday?”
Fighting not to let the sick in her stomach show on her face, Glenna turned away, ready to remount the four-wheeler. “I already said. I can’t.”
“Honey.” Cooter’s voice was soft, but the intent drilled painfully into her head as she fought not to retch. “It’s just dinner.”
She took a long breath in and held it before turning to look him in the face, because as a friend, he deserved to see the determination on her face. “Not to me, Cooter.” He reached a hand towards her, but Glenna sliced her palm through the air, stopping him in his tracks. “It’s expectations and tacit agreements. It’s an unspoken assumption that the door might open for more. It’s not just dinner, and I’m not ready.”
“I know you loved Penn.”
She slashed her hand through the air again, this time with anger fueling her movements. “I love Penn. Love. As in today. My heart still beats for him. It might always be that way for me. I can’t imagine any man would be okay with dinner knowing how I feel, not even one as sweet and caring as you are.” She sucked in another hard breath and lifted her chin. “You’re my best friend, Cooter. That’s where I stand.”
He nodded slowly, shoulders still just as straight and proud as before. In part of her brain, Glenna was glad her rejection hadn’t settled on him like a weight, that maybe it wouldn’t change things between them.
“I understand.” His soft words broke the bubble of silence that had settled around them. “I’m proud of our friendship, and I’m glad to share that with you.”
Her nod of response was jerky, and Glenna knew her smile trembled slightly, but she firmed her lips as she swept her cap off, slapping it sharply against her thigh. “I think that was the last of the keepers.”
“We got everything else sorted out. I believe we’re ready for the truck.” Cooter accepted the topic change gracefully. “Might even have some time for a cold drink.”
