Page 36 of Outlaw Heartstrings
“Man, it’s so cool that a real pro is here! Are you going to play hockey with us, Easton?”
Then the children start to crowd around Jagger.
“You know Easton Raines? Dude, you’re so lucky!”
“Hey, how do you know Easton Raines? Did you bring him here?”
Jagger shrugs nonchalantly. “Yeah, he’s my friend.”
I snort a laugh, proud of my boy for playing it cool.
Easton turns the session into a group activity, shouting plays and instructions across the ice from the sidelines. Yetsomehow, he showers Jagger with attention, making him the center of it all and giving him the chance to shine. My heart swells as I watch my baby boy go from the kid who usually gets picked on to the coolest kid in the room. I’m so freaking proud.
I always do my best to make sure that Jagger is happy. But I have a feeling today is going to go down as one of his top five happiest days.
All because of Easton.
14
EASTON
By the time Jagger and I stroll across the lobby of the arena to meet up with Alba, the kid looks utterly exhausted. Hockey can wear out even the most athletic grown men. But no matter how many breaks I offered the little guy, he just kept pushing.
Kind of reminds me of myself at that age.
Despite the fact that he can barely stay upright as we exit the building, Jagger’s still wearing a big, goofy grin. A grin that looks just like mine.
Who knew that spending time with an eight-year old would be so much fun?Knowing that he enjoyed hanging out with me, makes me feel a hundred feet tall. Seeing how bright he shined on the ice and how the other kids thought he was the coolest guy around—all of it filled me with happiness and pride.
And when I catch the little smile on Alba’s face as we head out the door, that feeling of pride only grows bigger.
Although a part of me is angry with her for keeping this secret all these years, a bigger part of me wants to prove myself to her. I want her to see that I can be a good dad toJagger. I want her to trust that I intend on being here for my son and supporting her in any way that she needs. I want to surpass all her expectations. Impressing her is important to me and I’m not sure why.
I swing Jagger’s new duffel bag up on my shoulder and trail behind them. I listen as the boy is busy telling Alba all about how he’s going to be the best defenseman in the world—“No offense to Easton,” of course.
But as we’re approaching the spot where Alba is parked next to my own rental car, I begin to feel uneasy, getting lost in my head. I had so much fun today. I don’t want this to end. I don’t know when I’ll get to see Jagger—or Alba again—and I’m a little nervous that she’s going to say this wasit. One and done.
Is she going to make it difficult for me to spend time with my son? Because the last thing I want to do is get a whole bunch of lawyers involved. I can’t let that happen.
So when Jagger sprints up ahead to the car, I shoot my shot, lowering my voice so that only Alba can hear. “Hey, would you guys like to go grab something to eat? My treat.”
Her eyebrows furrow as she checks the time on her watch. “That’s sweet, but I’ve got to get to my other job. Raincheck?”
“Of course,” I say, ignoring the sharp pang I feel in my chest.
Alba has always been a hard-worker. Stubbornly so.But I hate that she has to work all of those low-paying jobs just to scrape by. Especially when I could have been shouldering the financial load all these years. But I doubt it would go over well if I said that right now. So I offer a stiff nod and keep my opinions to myself.
When we get to the car, Jagger flings his arms around me in a tight hug. I hunch down and wrap my arms aroundhim, too, letting my eyes close and wishing I didn’t have to let him go.
But I know that Alba needs to get home and get ready for work. I don’t want to create yet another obstacle in her day. So I hold my tongue and dutifully stuff the duffel bag into the trunk of her hatchback.
Jagger hops into Alba’s backseat, and I help him get buckled into his booster seat with one last goodbye.I can’t help but notice that the car is a mess—snack wrappers in the cup holders, cookie crumbs in the creases of the back seat, romance novels on the floor of the front passenger side, some sticky shit dried up on the gear shift. It’s all a testament to Alba’s hectic life.
She’s struggling, and I wish I could make things easier for her.
When I turn around to face Alba, I find her watching me. I see that the hesitation and distrust have crept back into her eyes. I don’t blame her. I’m the enemy. I’m the one who’s been turning her routines upside down since I stormed back into her life.
Even still, she forces herself to be pleasant. “Jagger really had a great time today,” she says quietly. “Thanks for getting him onto the ice.”
