Page 48 of Outlaw Heartstrings
Alba shakes her head, shifting her stare away from mine. “I’m fine. I’m used to it.”
I step an inch closer to her. “What do you mean you’re used to it?”
But do I really need her to answer that? The woman works multiple jobs. Plus, she’s doing an online realtor class. All while taking care of my son.
I find myself staring at her, amazed by all that she's accomplished on her own.She’s so damn beautiful. And knowing that she’s set aside so many of her goals for Jagger only makes her all the more beautiful in my eyes.
I want to touch her so bad. I want to tangle my fingers in her coppery curls. I want to trace the pout of her bottom lip.
I want to touch her. More than that, I want to kiss her. But I know I can’t do that again.
“What…?” Alba asks, all but glaring at me.
“You’ve sacrificed so much for him…” I say.
She takes the tiniest step backward, bumping into the frame of the sliding door. “I’m not a hero or something, Easton. I did what had to be done.”
“You made the sacrifices that his own mother refused to,” I emphasize. “Don’t downplay that.”
She shakes her head. “It’s not like I didn’t have my weak moments over the years. It’s not like I didn’t imagine how things could have been different if Jagger had had a father figure present to shoulder at least some of the responsibility. True—I delayed a lot of my dreams to keep my family afloat. Hell, in those first few months after Raya left, I barely found time to take a shower.But I…I just did what had to be done.”
Guilt cinches my windpipe, making it hard to breathe. “I know you had big dreams for yourself, Alba. You always did. I remember you making all those plans to take over the world. And then, you got stuck cleaning up the mess that I left behind.”
When Alba’s hand combs through her red curls, my gaze travels to her bare ring finger. I think back to the promise ring she used to wear, and then I start to realize—her career dreams weren’t the only aspirations she let go of for Jagger, were they? Was she forced to sacrifice a chance at love? A relationship? Hell—was she forced to sacrifice having a family of her own?
After the mess I made of Alba’s life, how the fuck do I even begin to redeem myself?!
She shrugs. “I knew that my personal goals had to take the back burner for a while. I couldn’t let myself be selfish. The two people I love the most—my mom and Jagger—were depending on me to step up.Family comes first. Always.”
We stand face to face in the doorway and the tension between us mounts. She can feel it. I know she can. I see the flush climbing her neck. I see the labored heave of her chest.
But she looks away, drawing my attention back to what’s important. “I love him so much, Easton, and I just want him to have stability. Consistency. Safety.”
Reaching out, I gently tilt her chin, making her look atme once more. Her breath catches on a delicious little gasp that I struggle to ignore.
Gazing into her eyes, I speak earnestly. “I don’t have all the answers, Alba. But we’re going to figure it out. Together. I won’t shut you out. I promise.”
She nods slightly. “Okay.”
Sweaty and out of breath, Jagger runs up the back porch right then. I set him and Alba up to watch a movie on the big screen in the living room, while I put the finishing touches on the dinner I prepared earlier.
When I texted Alba this morning for meal ideas, I found out that spaghetti and meatballs is Jagger’s favorite dish.
Crazy. It’s my favorite, too.
When the food is ready, we make use of the dining table. I haven’t really used it much, usually eating in front of the TV. But tonight truly feels like a special occasion.
The three of us sit down with our pasta and our glasses of milk, listening to Jagger talk about his day.I could listen to that kid talk for hours. The more I learn about him, the more fascinated I am by the little guy.
When Jagger is slurping up his last noodle, Alba subtly looks my way, making eye contact. I nod back at her, knots in my stomach.
It’s the moment of truth.
“Hey, Buddy. Did you like your spaghetti?” I ask, reaching over to hand him a napkin.
Jagger nods eagerly, wiping some of the sauce from his chin.“You cook really good.”
“Thanks, little man.” I tenderly ruffle his hair.
