Page 63 of Outlaw Heartstrings
“Alba, are you a…you’re a virgin?”
She just bobs her head up and down, a blush spreading across her cheeks.
Fuck. I’m pretty sure my head’s about to explode. I just can’t fathom it.
Alba’s a virgin? She’sneverhad sex?
I’ve been struggling to make it the past few weeks without sex. Hell, just one week is torture enough.
The one thing that’s been keeping me sane is the fact that I’ve been jerking it in the shower every morning to the thought of Alba sucking me off.
Meanwhile, she’s never had sex at all?!
“But what about Christopher?” I ask, hating to mention his name, but needing to know the truth so bad it makes my brain itch. “What happened with you and him?”
Alba releases a sigh. “When Raya left Jagger with me, Christopher wasn’t happy about it. He said that having a kid around all the time was not what he signed up for.”
“So he broke up with you because of Jagger?” Rage shoots into my head so fast it almost makes me dizzy with anger.
Alba squints. “Not immediately. He stuck around for a few months. But he broke up with me once he realized that I couldn’t go out with him whenever he wanted to. I couldn’t drop everything to spend time with him whenever he’d show up at the house. He couldn’t get access to me like he felt entitled to, and that pissed him off.”
“What a fucking prick…” I mutter. “I should have kicked his ass when I had the chance.”
“You never told me why you fought with him that night…” Alba muses.
My mind drifts back to the night of the bonfire, and I get angry all over again. I’d had him pinned to the ground with my fist stomping his face. I let my friends pull me off of him before I was done getting my rage out. I should have finished the job.
“He had been talking shit about you,” I spit out. “He’d been bragging about how much he couldn’t wait to take your virginity, get you knocked up and have you barefoot inhis kitchen.”He’d also said that I’d never be good enough for you.But I don’t admit that part out loud. “There’s no way I’d just stand there and let him say those things about you.”
“Wait—you fought Christopher to defend my honor?”
“I guess so.” I shrug impishly. “We’re friends. You deserve friends who’ll protect you. Even when you’re not around.” My mind goes back to Jules and the way she fiercely guarded Alba’s secrets that night at the Whiskey Barrel. That’s loyalty.
Alba’s expression is shocked. Then embarrassed. Then remorseful.
“When Christopher and I first got together, he was understanding about the fact that I wanted to wait for sex until marriage,” she whispers. “But once Jagger was in the picture, he started giving me ultimatums. He said that there were other girls who wanted to give him all the things I was holding back. He said that I had to keep myself ‘interesting’, if I wanted to beat out the competition.”
“He pressured you for sex, even after he’d agreed to wait?” I grind out, hating that guy more and more by the second.
She nods. “And I almost went through with it. We were naked in the bed and everything.” She chuckles embarrassedly. “But something just felt…wrong. I can’t explain why, but…I just couldn’t go through with it.” She sighs. “He got mad. Really mad. But he didn’t push me to continue. He just got dressed and stormed out of the room. The next day, he broke up with me in a text message. He never talked to me again.”
“In a fucking text message?!” I almost yell.
“Yeah, the break up was pretty brutal,” Alba admits. “And he got married to someone else shortly after. It was painful at first. But ultimately, I feel like it was for the best.”She sighs. “Anyway, dating hasn’t really felt ‘safe’ since Christopher. I’ve been scared that every guy would feel like I needed to compensate for having Jagger in my life. I didn’t want to feel like I owed anyone something. I didn’t want any man feeling like he was settling for me. So I just…stayed away.”
I rub the back of my neck. “That's…rough.”
I sound like a genius right now.
Alba giggles softly, staring out into the yard. “Being a virgin…it’s notthatbad. It’s…fine.”
But it’s not fine. This whole situation is the furthest thing from fine.
I stare at Alba’s profile, as she turns her eyes up to the stars. I can’t decide if I’m more shocked or more pissed off that a woman as perfect as Alba missed out on dating and sex and having fun. She missed out on her college years. Most of her twenties. All because she was busy taking care ofmychild.
And there I was, out there living my best fucking life.
I feel like an asshole.
