Page 98 of Outlaw Heartstrings
I’m overwhelmed by the need to envelop her in my arms. So, I do just that, pulling her even tighter against my chest and pressing my lips to her forehead.
“I want you to always feel comfortable asking me forwhat you need. Regardless of how strong you are and how hard you’re willing to fight for yourself, I will always keep you and Jagger safe. I promise you that.”
She sniffles. “I want to believe you.”
My shoulders drop on a sigh. That’s good enough for now.
I kiss the top of Alba’s head again. “Good. Now back to bed.”
She sends me a doubtful look over her shoulder as she exits the bathroom. But she doesn’t continue to argue with me as she forgets about work and climbs back into bed with Jagger.
After I warm up some canned soup for her, the three of us squeeze into her bed and spend the day watching TV, doing nothing.
Funny thing is—just being here for them when they need me feels like the most important thing I’ve ever done.
36
ALBA
Early the next Saturday morning, I prepare myself a cup of coffee and sit in front of my laptop.
Compared to my ‘sick day’, I’m feeling a million times better. Even though I don’t want to admit it out loud, I think Easton was right. I was overdoing it and my body had had enough. I really needed that day off.
In any case, today is bill-paying day, also known as, the monthly reminder that I don’t have enough money. Ineverhave enough money. The strategies I have to come up with to make each dollar stretch. Which bill can wait until next month? Which one can be paid late without too much of a penalty?
Ugh. It’s clearly not my favorite way to spend the weekend.
But I’m committed to getting it over and done with, so I can hang out with Jagger before it’s time to take on the day.
Today is a big one. My nephew is supposed to be spending the weekend at Easton’s house. As much as I hate any time away from Jagger, it’s the agreement we’re adhering to for the moment. It’s what’s fair to everyone involved.Easton and Jagger need to get to know each other and I can’t stand in the way of that.
But even still, I’m not handling this new reality very well and I think Easton feels sorry for me. That’s got to be why he suggested that the three of us spend the afternoon at the town’s annual Rock and Ride County Fair together before Jagger spends the night away from me.
Easton is so considerate, and as difficult as this situation is, I appreciate all the little ways he tries to make it easier for us all.
Jagger truly could not have asked for a better father.
Bringing my attention back to the task in front of me, I rip open all my bills, stack them high and pull up my banking site. When I take a look at the first one on the pile—my electricity bill—I nearly spew coffee all over my kitchen table.
What the heck? How does the electricity company owemeover four grand?!
Laughing at what I assume to be a major typo from someone in their billing department, I set that aside and move on to my internet bill.
Whoa. What? No way…It’s happened again.
Papers go flying as I do a mad dash through every bill. Each and every one has something similar: a positive balance. Meaning, I owe them nothing.
With shaky hands, I call my electricity provider to confirm what I already know. My bills have been paid in advance for the entire year. Phone bill. Utilities. Health insurance. All are paid up for months and months to come. And my car note—it’s paidin full.
Easton.This has Easton’s name written all over it.
I sit there, staring at my computer screen, feeling a littlelost. I want to be mad. I do. I wait for the annoyance to set in…but it never comes.
Instead, I feel lighter. Healthier. Clear-headed. Like I can truly breathe.Finally.
And more than anything, I feel so incredibly grateful for this man. Maybe I have been too much of a control freak about letting Easton help. Because if his help allows me to give Jagger the kind of life he deserves, why should I be stubborn about that?
I’m starting to realize thatI’mmy own worst enemy. And without the stress of it all, I can actually take a breath and enjoy myself.I can admit to myself that it would be nice to feel this way more often.
