Suddenly, a rush of warmth filled my chest, a faint echo of how I felt when Koen held me close, sheltering me. Like a fleeting spark of hope. But then it was gone, leaving me cold once more.
Was that our love - an ember flickering out?
“Avril,” a voice called, sneaking through the bars of my foggy mind. At first, it was muffled and blurry, like my thoughts. But it soon grew loud enough to snap me out of my trance. “Avril!”
Air rushed into my lungs in a gasp. Blinking a few times, I brought my gamma’s worried face into focus as he stood in frontof me. “Avril? What’s wrong?” he asked, urgency coating his tone.
My mind reeled. Kea only made it worse, her mournful howls and agonized whimpers fueling the torrent of emotions threatening to knock me off my feet. The flood was rising, tears pricking at my eyes.
I swallowed, sheer instinct urging me to stay composed, forcing me to remember the circumstances. We had just left morning training, and the town square was packed with warriors heading to the cafeteria. I couldn’t break down in front of them. Too much was at stake for my kind. If their alpha faltered, we would all be weakened.
Slipping my phone into the back pocket of my training leggings, I answered, “Nothing.” My voice wavered, and I cleared my throat to mask it. “Nothing’s wrong,” I added, steadier this time.
“Are you-” Elijah began, but I promptly cut him off.
"I just remembered I left my shirt at the training grounds," I rushed out, hoping he wouldn’t remember what I had on when I arrived this morning. Before he could question me, I added, "You guys go ahead. I’ll catch up at the cafeteria."
Without another word, I turned on my heel, leaving Elijah, Theo, and Rhea behind. I knew I couldn’t fool them forever. Honestly, I’d be lucky to slip away for even an hour. I just needed a little time before I had to face yet another conversation about my collapsing relationship.
Lost in thought, I moved through the sea of warriors, focused solely on keeping my emotions in check until I could escape when someone stopped me.
“Alpha.” Ruac greeted me with a bow of his head. When he lifted his eyes again, they gleamed with excitement. “If I may ask, when is Alpha Koen returning from his mission?”
The question alone made me stiffen. I barely registered what he said next about having practiced the techniques my mate showed him and how he hoped to receive further guidance from him.
After a moment, I found myself speaking, my voice faint. “I don’t know.” I had run out of excuses for Koen’s absence, and I no longer had the strength to continue lying for him.
The boy’s face fell. “Is Alpha Koen alright? Did something happen?”
Did something happen?His question echoed in my mind.Yes, most certainly, I replied in my head. I just didn’t know what or why.
As my heart began tightening again, I blurted out, “Sorry, I…” But I couldn’t finish my sentence before brushing him off and storming away.
Koen didn’t cheat,I reminded myself, desperately trying to find comfort in whatever way I could as I picked up the pace, eager to leave the town square before the waterworks were turned on.He didn’t cheat,I repeated, but I still felt betrayed. His neglect, his lack of compromise - weren’t those a form of betrayal? Koen had sworn to always put me first, but in the end, it seemed he was just a traitor.
Once I was out of sight, I rushed into the woods, using my werewolf speed. Kea continued to whimper, devastated by our mate’s abandonment, and I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. Just like the weak omega I used to be, I collapsed to the floor, crying my heart out.
Koen was the one who convinced me that love didn’t exist. I lived by that belief until he came back into my life and turned it all around. He asked me to trust him, showing me glimpses of what opening my heart could mean. And I fell for it - I believed in him. I believed in a second chance for us. I believed in the feeling I’d sworn to myself was nothing but a fairytale.
As I let it all out, I couldn’t help but be ashamed. What had happened to me? I was supposed to be a powerful alpha, but I certainly didn’t look like one now. I didn’tfeellike one. What leader would be like this, pathetically kneeling on the dirt, sobbing over a man? How could I be the hope of my kind when I couldn’t stop thinking about him?
You can’t lose sight of your goal,my uncle’s voice permeated my thoughts as I remembered our last conversation.Don’t let anyone distract you from it,he’d said. Like a beacon, it scared away the shadows obscuring my mind, guiding me through the darkness. And in a moment of clarity, I stopped crying.
Longing for my mate made it impossible to think straight. The pain he had been putting me through lately, as he showered me with cold indifference, weakened me. If I could just shut it all out, I’d be able to focus on my duty as Alpha again - to stand by the promise I made to my family and lead us from the brink of extinction to prosperity.
But was that even possible?
Distressed, I stood up, grasping onto my final hope and heading toward the one person who could answer that question.
I stormed into the small cabin hidden in the woods, startling the old druid. “Vereya,” I called as I headed to her bookshelf. Allowing her no time to recover from the jumpscare, I revealed, “I need your help finding a spell.”
As if my break-in didn’t perturb her, she calmly asked, “What spell, young Alpha?”
I started flicking through the pages of any book I could get my hands on before bothering to answer, “A spell to help keep something off someone’s mind, or numb their feelings toward it…if only for a short time.”
“Like a memory-erasing spell?” she suggested, and I shrugged. Anything that can make me stop thinking about him would work.
I was oblivious to the hint of concern in Vereya’s voice, until she rushed up to me. “Young Alpha, spells that play with the mind are far too dangerous,” she warned.